Trying hard to gain confidence whilst being put down.

I'm so sorry to hear you're going through this. If it means anything, we all think you're pretty fabulous here!
The most important opinion of you that matters, however, is your own. Try to keep in mind, "What other people think of me is none of my business." Keep doing things that make you feel good about yourself... hobbies you enjoy, crafts you are skilled at, and of course logging in daily here for support. We're here for you!

I'm so sorry, sometimes parents are so cruel, even without meaning to be.

hey Ellie, don't be discouraged by anything anyone says! It's easier said than done, and I know that firsthand. People and words can be tough on you, but just remember that you are strong, beautiful and confident woman. You will achieve great things in life, and MFP and your commitment to weight lost so far is a huge testimony!

I'm rooting for you, hang in there!

-Mabel.

I grew up with parents very much like that, and it is very TOUGH. I feel for you. The only thing that worked for me (and I know it's harder when you're still living there) is to keep setting boundaries with them about what you will and will not discuss. Every time my mom or dad got started on a conversation that turned completely negative, I'd just calmly say, "I really don't think that's true, and I really don't want to discuss this with you. I'd love to talk about something else." and change the topic. If they couldn't let it go, then I just calmly said, "I'm sorry, I'm not discussing this with you. We'll talk later when you're calmer" and I'd leave the room/hang up the phone/walk away.

I had to do this every single time, and try to stay calm every single time. It's kind of like a tennis match they play with you -- if you put down the racket and leave the game, they've got nowhere to go with it. It feels really awkward at first, but just keep doing it. It took me months of doing that over and over until my mom finally stopped.

This stuff is REALLY HARD, especially because parents can get to your deepest fears and hurts. But hang in there. You need to protect yourself from those negative things for now, and just try to stay out of the chaos they're creating for you.

Feel free to message me if you need to chat -- I've BEEN there, and done that for the last 20 years. :flowerforyou:

It's hard to ignore criticism, especially from family. But I took a peek at your profile page... you've accomplished so many goals already! Just keep checking back in with yourself and remind yourself how far you've come rather than focusing on how far there is to go!

Another tactic is to take those hurtful words and use them as motivation to keep up the good work!

Sorry to hear this. My wife grew up in a home like you are describing....very negative parents, a verbally abusive father, and so forth. You must strive to live for yourself and overcome their negativity and put downs. Being able to get out on your own will eventually be the best thing that you can do.

Something I posted to my profile yesterday that applies here I think:

You can't live a successful life with an unhealthy view of yourself! Our self-image is shaped from childhood, from our mistakes, our fears, our successes, and others' judgements of us... BUT, we should not let others appraise us, we should not let others determine who we are and who we become; rather, step up, and let's make a commitment to ourselves to define our own-self worth and we will live a successful life!

27Strange, good quote, and so TRUE. I'm glad your wife has you as support -- my husband is also very very supportive, and it's been a huge help to be married to someone who helps you gain your confidence. *hugs to you for that*

That's terrible that your parents do that to you. I know it can be difficult to have family members put you down, but just remember, they're seeing you succeed in something that they are not a part of - or in some cases, something that they can't succeed at themselves. A few of my family members (who are overweight themselves) have made comments to me about my weight and telling me that I look sickly now. I'm still in the *overweight* category as far as my BMI goes, but I'm inching along, slowly making my way to my ultimate goal. I just thank them for their concern and assure them that I am, according to my doctors, in route to a healthy lifestyle. It upsets them that they can't get into my head anymore. I know it makes things much easier to have support at home, but since you can't have it there - you definitely have it here. Best of luck to you - you can do this.

Been there and done THAT way too many times and it sux! You are going to have to dig deep and realize that what anyone says DOES NOT MATTER even if it is your parents. You alone are the only one that can change this situation. You can do this by A) Surrounding yourself by positive people who will help build you up; Believing in yourself, trusting in yourself, and manking the decision to trusting yourself regardless of what is said; C) Letting the comments ride of your back; D)Proving them wrong; E) Using it as motivation to work harder, to get a job and get away from them sooner.