I’m lost

Read this thread, and then do those things.

http://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/1080242/a-guide-to-get-you-started-on-your-path-to-sexypants/p1

First of all, do not hate yourself. Your mind is clouded by the frustration of failed attempts. Believe me I have been in your shoes. I knew my thoughts were lying to me about what a loser I am. I know I am not a loser. Failing does not make anyone a loser. It just means try something else. In times of doubt, it's hard to pull yourself out. It is so hard to stay motivated to stay with a program. Change is hard. Love yourself enough to make the change you seek.