Inadvertent sabotage by friends and family?

amyaggie02 · March 2019

I’ve been trying to lose weight since I was about 5 years old and I’ve been successful at times. Most of my successes have come right after a relocation when I’m away from friends and family. As a social person I seek out connections and friendships and, wow, do I love socializing over beer, wine, appetizers (buffalo wings!!!)! As such my successes have been short lived. I’m committed (again, yes) to achieving a goal weight by the time I turn 40 late this year, and one social event can derail me for months. It’s no fault of my friends, but there’s a lot of “encouragement” to go out, partake in Mardis Gras and other festivities during which I can’t maintain control... “just have one or two!” and it turns into 10 beignets (on a good day)... some of you know what I’m talking about. I’m terrified of attending parties!

I’m turning 40 in a few months and trying to get to a goal weight by then which involves losing 1.2 lbs a week. My husband can be the worst saboteur since he doesn’t struggle with his weight and he likes and misses the fun party girl side of me. What to do?!

MikePTY · March 2019

The most straightforward solution would be to partake in the social activities, just moderate yourself while doing so. While your friends have the wings, have a salad or grilled chicken. Nurse two light beers all night while every else drowns drink after drink. But that is going to require some self control.

If you don't think you are able to do that, then ultimately you have decisions to make. You have to choose which you value more. If you are serious about losing weight, you are going to have to limit those type of social activities. There are other social activities you can do that aren't a night out on the town, while still maintaining human contact.

And most importantly, realize that it's not your friends and family who are sabatoging you. This is not something that is being done to you, but rather you are in control of your own actions and responsible for your own choices. Ultimately you have to be the one who needs to make the change in behavior, and sometimes that involves tough choices and sacrifices.

jnomadica · March 2019

I’d hope that if you told your friends and family how important this is to you, they’d support you by participating in social activities that align with your goals (e.g. going for walks, having potlucks where you have more control over what you eat, game nights with healthy snacks available).
To keep the weight off, you’ll need to make some lifestyle changes anyway, so this may be a good start. Good luck!

earlnabby · March 2019

First of all, they are NOT sabotaging you. Nobody is pouring drinks down your throat or shoving beignets in your mouth. It is all on you.

You have choices to make:

1) Go out and make better choices as far as your food and drink goes
2) Not go out

All of these are doable.

When going out, decide ahead of time what you will have and stick to the plan. 2 light drinks and a salad? Seltzer or diet soda and 6 wings? None of those is going to derail you.

Perhaps do a little more in-home entertaining with friends where you have more control over the food and drink.

When invited to another person's home, bring something you like that is lower in calories so you know there will be something you are comfortable eating

Eat before you go out. That way you can honestly refuse food because "I just ate and am really stuffed"

becca_rup23 · March 2019

I struggle hard with this as well, when I'm on my own, making my own food, etc. I do great. But then I go out or want to be more social and it goes downhill. What has helped me is logging food before going out (planning to have however many drinks/apps, even just a guess and figuring out where you could limit calories) that way I'm less surprised and more prepared to indugle but not overindulge. And it doesn't feel like a lost day, which can totally derail me as well. I hope this helps!

cmriverside · March 2019

The other thing you can do is eat light for the day when you're going out at night. There are plenty of 1000 calories foods at any restaurant, so if you skip breakfast and have a light lunch there's no reason why you can't go out on a weekend night and have wings and a couple beers. Take a long walk the next day and it will be fine.

Some people save a few calories all week. I'm not that disciplined but I can save calories on the day of the event. If you're going out more often than once a week, that's a whole other story. Cocktails used to mess with my food a lot. If I have a couple drinks I want to eat greasy fatty food not just that day but for a couple days after.

lorrpb · March 2019

1.2 lbs per week is a pretty aggressive goal if you have less than 50 lbs to lose. I suggest you set your MFP goal to .5 per week and track your calories accordingly. That might leave you a little cushion for some extras.

I don't think your friends and family are sabotaging you , they're just doing what they like to do and what they've always done. It is unrealistic to expect them to help you manage your intake. Sabotage is intentional interference with one's plans. Although they might not understand or even support your desire to change how you eat, I doubt they're intentionally trying to stop you. If they are, I would find other people to hang out with.

More importantly than reaching a particular number by your 40th birthday is how are you going to sustain it long term? I spent every day of my weight loss journey - 2.5 years and 150 lbs - thinking about why I hadn't been able to maintain before and what I would do differently this time. The answer is different for everyone, so I would encourage to do some introspection along the way.

Re: socializing, some foods are trigger foods and I have learned that I'm better off not to touch them because I simply cannot eat them in moderation if there is an open source.

Seabassx2 · March 2019

Do a 16 hour fast 1 or twice a week. Do a high intensity workout once or twice a week.
You can still party and lose weight.

csplatt · March 2019

But you can maintain control! You just haven’t chosen to yet. Part of my gain was related to how often my neighbors have parties and I have always totally binged on party food. Once I finally decided it was important enough to me, I just ate what I could log and within my limit even though I was DYING to eat more. So far I am 16 lb down.

Inadvertent sabotage by friends and family?

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