Critically Thinking

esp331 · February 2008

Warning: Long Venting Post Ahead! hehe

In my attempt to live a healthier lifestyle (and shed some extra pounds in the process) I have been trying to watch what I put into my body by reading labels and knowing what the information means (researching chemicals, etc) and the different effects on the body.

During all of my efforts, I have been watching my boyfriend (who I have lived with for 2 years) destroy his health. Occasionally, he’ll go for a walk with me when he has time (he is in law school) but mostly he doesn’t exercise, he is eating ALL the time, and he the things he eats/drinks are just awful! Needless to say, his BMI has recently gone from overweight to obese. I have tried the “I’m worried about you and I want you to be around for a long time because I love you” approach, but he just gets frustrated with me. I understand that ultimately it has to be him who makes the decision to change, especially since his habits are probably stressed based. I have stopped saying anything, but in the meantime I can’t help being disgusted when I watch him gorge on diet soda and 6 fat free chocolate pudding cups, or eat 6 slices of pizza. If I replace all of our food with diet food, he’ll eat 3 or 4 servings (he says he is still hungry) and it defeats the purpose. He has been very supportive of my changes and he tells me how proud he is, but he refuses to make any changes himself. I love him the way he is at any size, but I would love for him to be healthier and to feel better about himself. My friends and family treat their bodies the same way.

I used to be pretty healthy before a lower back injury caused me to stop rowing. When I went to college (about 3 years ago) I gained weight and got into an unhealthy lifestyle (similar to what my BF is in now but not as extreme) so I understand what he is going through. I have been ‘back on the wagon’ for about 6 weeks now, so maybe my newfound knowledge is the reason, but I have found myself saying things like “Do you know that Diet Coke has formaldehyde in it?” or slipping in casually “___ food has so many chemicals/trans fat/refined sugar in it.” I have been trying not to say anything anymore because it annoys him, but I am definitely thinking it.

If you have been in this situation- how do you stop yourself from thinking like a preacher? Will I eventually stop thinking critically of what my loved ones are eating? I am not a critical person and this is beating me up inside. I may be feeling better about my body, but my perception of my personality is starting to take the fall.

P.S. Sorry about the long post!

esp331 · February 2008

Warning: Long Venting Post Ahead! hehe

In my attempt to live a healthier lifestyle (and shed some extra pounds in the process) I have been trying to watch what I put into my body by reading labels and knowing what the information means (researching chemicals, etc) and the different effects on the body.

During all of my efforts, I have been watching my boyfriend (who I have lived with for 2 years) destroy his health. Occasionally, he’ll go for a walk with me when he has time (he is in law school) but mostly he doesn’t exercise, he is eating ALL the time, and he the things he eats/drinks are just awful! Needless to say, his BMI has recently gone from overweight to obese. I have tried the “I’m worried about you and I want you to be around for a long time because I love you” approach, but he just gets frustrated with me. I understand that ultimately it has to be him who makes the decision to change, especially since his habits are probably stressed based. I have stopped saying anything, but in the meantime I can’t help being disgusted when I watch him gorge on diet soda and 6 fat free chocolate pudding cups, or eat 6 slices of pizza. If I replace all of our food with diet food, he’ll eat 3 or 4 servings (he says he is still hungry) and it defeats the purpose. He has been very supportive of my changes and he tells me how proud he is, but he refuses to make any changes himself. I love him the way he is at any size, but I would love for him to be healthier and to feel better about himself. My friends and family treat their bodies the same way.

I used to be pretty healthy before a lower back injury caused me to stop rowing. When I went to college (about 3 years ago) I gained weight and got into an unhealthy lifestyle (similar to what my BF is in now but not as extreme) so I understand what he is going through. I have been ‘back on the wagon’ for about 6 weeks now, so maybe my newfound knowledge is the reason, but I have found myself saying things like “Do you know that Diet Coke has formaldehyde in it?” or slipping in casually “___ food has so many chemicals/trans fat/refined sugar in it.” I have been trying not to say anything anymore because it annoys him, but I am definitely thinking it.

If you have been in this situation- how do you stop yourself from thinking like a preacher? Will I eventually stop thinking critically of what my loved ones are eating? I am not a critical person and this is beating me up inside. I may be feeling better about my body, but my perception of my personality is starting to take the fall.

P.S. Sorry about the long post!

eyescatchfire · February 2008

Sounds like you're between a rock and a hard place. Speaking as someone who is still obese, but is trying hard to change it, I think you really can't do or say anything that will change his eating habits. I've always hated it when someone comments on what I eat or what I should do to change it--I'm well aware of the problem, right?

That being said, I think that leading by example is still the right thing to do. If you make him a meal, make it healthy. A few "tricks" are ok--if it likes chili or tacos, make it with ground turkey or veggie crumbles. Serve low-fat sour cream out of the container and see if he notices the difference--chances are, probably not. Figure out anything he likes that is actually healthy, and have it around--if he hates most fruit, but loves bananas, always have it on hand. And remember that being supportive doesn't mean being preachy--remind him that when he's ready to change, you'll be there to cheer him on. Good luck!

SoupNazi · February 2008

My husband is the same way and I too have felt as you do now. My experience is this...a little over a year ago, I started eating healthy and exercising regularly. I began "preaching" to my husband about getting on board with me. Needless to say, it fell upon deaf ears. After several months of, what he probably says, is nagging, I gave up. But then he began to take notice of how my new lifestyle had changed me.....and he began following suit. He began watching what he ate, exercising with me, and losing a ton of weight in the process. I know it's hard to keep quiet when you are so concerned with your family. I think the best way just may be leading by example. He may not be ready yet, so give him a little time. He may just surprise you!

banks1850 · February 2008

Hi esp,

I can tell you that I was the other side of that situation for a long time with my wife. She has been eating right and exercising for a long time now (since I have known her, so over 7 years), and I had always had the luxury of eating whatever I wanted. when I hit my 30's that changed though, but my thinking didn't.
Of course my wife tried talking with me about it, and "nagging" me about it. I didn't really want to hear it. In the end, it was my own epiphany that did it for me. I think that nothing you do will change him, because similar to an addiction, until you want to change, any attempt to do so will probably fail.

Hopefully his clarity moment comes sooner rather then later, but it has to be something he wants to do for himself. You can tell him you will be there to help when/if he wants to make the change, but trying to force/cajole/nudge him to do it will only alienate him from you.

I hope this helps you, and I hope he comes around, as it is much easier to be healthy when the people around you are trying as well.

hmmmm · February 2008

My fiance can be the same way at times. I can't be his judge and jury over what he eats. He is blessed with having a great male metabolism though, so he can lose weight quickly without much change. This is now my insight on this. I don't want him to pressure his foods on me so why should I do the same to him. When I make dinner for the family I still ask him what he would like and then I try to make it healthier and add more veggie choices for the side. I do have this bad habit of pointing out how many calories are in foods. But it is usually only when I am astounded by the numbers and I don't do it while we are eating. I absolutely want him to eat better but ultimately it is his choice. Some of my eating does make him eat better. _heather

ladydianab · February 2008

This is my husband too! He would like to lose weight but not change anything in his lifestyle to do it. If I talk to him about his weight he just shuts down. Awhile back I received the best advice on this site and I know that if I make changes in our lifestyle he would probably be on board. We eat out a lot and I know that we need to eat at home but I hate to cook. Anyway, I know exactly how you feel and are going through. At least we have each of us here for support and listening. Maybe our significant others will join us soon. di

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