Discouraged :(

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Jane428
Jane428 Posts: 2
in Motivation and Support
This is my first post on MFP. I've been a member since the beginning of June, and so far have lost 7 pounds. However, last weekend I found out that my fiance cheated on me and the girl just informed him that she's pregnant. While we're trying to mend our relationship, ever since I found out, it's been very difficult for me to find the motivation to even take care of my kids and do normal daily tasks, much less find the strength to exercise. I've also been feeling so depressed that my eating habits have gone out the door. I'm not usually an emotional eater, but rather I eat very little when I go through a crisis. I'm just eating the wrong things when I do eat. I'm seeing a counselor (since I have anxiety/panic disorder on top of everything else), but I just can't seem to find the motivation to start taking care of myself again like I did before. I haven't gained any weight back so far (I've been at a standstill for almost 2 weeks now) , but I really don't want to start slowly gaining it back because I've been so excited about my progress so far. I know I need to put on my big girl pants and get back on the trail, but I decided now would be a good time to start making some connections here and maybe seek a little encouragement. Most people in the MFP community seem so kind and supportive. :) I'd love to hear any thoughts you'd like to send my way.

Replies

  • ymason
    ymason Posts: 1
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    I'm so sorrry to hear all this. All I can say is that is really *will* get better and you're going to want there to be a new you to greet your new life! Hang in there.
  • vim_n_vigor
    vim_n_vigor Posts: 4,089 Member
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    Feel free to friend me!

    Advice - You need to take care of yourself in order to be able to take care of your kids. At the same time, you can't take on more than you can handle. I would say right now to try and keep your foods healthy and your calories withing range, but do it at maintenance instead of tryint to lose. The extra stress you are going through now will make it hard for your body to do too much. Take some walks with the kids or do some other active activities with them. It will help to bring down your stress and theirs and to give them some normalcy too.
  • Timeforme714
    Timeforme714 Posts: 189 Member
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    I'm so sorry you are going through this. If you stick with MFP you will feel much better about yourself than if you fall off the wagon. Don't let his actions ruin your life and your progress. Take control and feel good about it!
  • abby459
    abby459 Posts: 748 Member
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    Sorry to hear this but you can get back into it!!! I went through a similar thing once and when I started working out more it helped me from feeling so depressed and once I dropped a few pounds my self confidence also shot back up. Feel free to add me as a friend it you need some support!!
  • shockrina
    shockrina Posts: 29
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    This is my first post on MFP. I've been a member since the beginning of June, and so far have lost 7 pounds. However, last weekend I found out that my fiance cheated on me and the girl just informed him that she's pregnant. While we're trying to mend our relationship, ever since I found out, it's been very difficult for me to find the motivation to even take care of my kids and do normal daily tasks, much less find the strength to exercise. I've also been feeling so depressed that my eating habits have gone out the door. I'm not usually an emotional eater, but rather I eat very little when I go through a crisis. I'm just eating the wrong things when I do eat. I'm seeing a counselor (since I have anxiety/panic disorder on top of everything else), but I just can't seem to find the motivation to start taking care of myself again like I did before. I haven't gained any weight back so far (I've been at a standstill for almost 2 weeks now) , but I really don't want to start slowly gaining it back because I've been so excited about my progress so far. I know I need to put on my big girl pants and get back on the trail, but I decided now would be a good time to start making some connections here and maybe seek a little encouragement. Most people in the MFP community seem so kind and supportive. :) I'd love to hear any thoughts you'd like to send my way.

    WOW! That is certainly sucks. :( *HUGS* I would say if you had broke it off with him that you should keep up with it just to show him how much he's missing when you get to your goal but good for you to try to work things out.

    Maybe concentrate on your workouts and watching what you eat to help you not think of what happened and make yourself feel good. Since this whole thing we are doing on here should be for ourselves first. Then make yourself happy by continuing.. BTW, feel like I was rambling. :) LoL
  • Jaytee79
    Jaytee79 Posts: 237 Member
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    You have a lot on your plate right now! As tough as it might be, you have to put your own well being first- so that you have the strentgh and energy to be there for your kids. Start making one healthy choice at a time...you'll feel better, and feel like you are taking control again!
  • frecklemouse3k
    frecklemouse3k Posts: 35
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    In a nutshell- that sucks and I know how derailing it can be. Find an activity that you enjoy and relaxes you. I walk the dogs every night- no one else is allowed (from the family, I have a couple of friends who join me) this allows me to de-stress. Roller skating, an aerobics class- something social may be perfect for you. Getting out and not focusing on the bad will help get you moving again and help you feel better. This is a great time to be a little selfish- just make sure it benefits you.
  • skinnyminnie
    skinnyminnie Posts: 95 Member
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    Hey there - I'm so, so sorry that you have to go through this. It is so unfair. You seem to be handling it really well, actually. I think it would be okay to give yourself permission to be human while you work through these painful feelings. Perhaps just gradually getting back on track would be a good idea - focusing more right now on eating healthy foods and getting a reasonable amount of exercise rather than stressing out too much about dropping weight for the time being. In that way, you can keep your physical health up while you deal.
  • knetterk
    knetterk Posts: 107
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    Ugh... so sad. Let this be the biggest motivation EVER!! I unfortunately went through something similiar a few years ago. I ended up letting myself go, depressed and now almost 90 pounds heavier!! Whatever you do, don't let it happen to you! Not only are me and him not together, but he's got a girlfriend who is gorgeous and we still have a child together! Not a very good feeling while I'm FINALLY' motivated to loose this weight!

    Feel free to add me! I am a very good listener!! Best of wishes your way!
  • moushtie
    moushtie Posts: 371 Member
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    You have a lot on your plate right now ( and I don't just mean food!). Even though it would be lovely to think we are all powerful, sometimes you have to pick your battles. Losing weight is obviously important to you, otherwise you would not be asking for help. You may have to focus on staying as healthy as you can, while dealing with everything else going on, and supporting your family. I struggled with some depression/anxiety last year, and I found that if I picked one thing to work on at a time, I was less likely to get overwhelmed. Little goals like "This week I will try hard to increase my water intake every day" or "This week I will make sure I do some exercise for 30 mins a day" or "This week I will eat more fruit and veg". That way you can still feel like you're working on making yourself healthier, without taking on the huge task all at once. You have enough big tasks right now. Eventually, after focussing on these things one at a time, you may find they become habits, and you don't have to think about it as much.

    If you would like to friend me for chat and support, please feel free.
  • mrspenton2009
    mrspenton2009 Posts: 84 Member
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    Prayer changes things. I must say that I know all too well what you are going through but the answer to any and every problem is the LORD. Children are gifts from God so if you don't do anything else...you better take care of those kids. They didn't ask to be here...and they can't take care of themselves. Those babies are your sunshine on a cloudy day....love them, adore them, spend time with them.

    Secondly, if he is cheating on you...he isn't worthy of you. There is not room in your life for negativity. Just think of all the added drama that will come when the baby is born. Do yourself a favor love and get out while you can. If he doesn't suffer for what he has done to you, he will feel like he can do whatever he wants and you will always be there.

    For every step you take, the Lord will match it. Hang in there honey and when all else fails.....PUSH...Pray Until Something Happens.
  • springtrio
    springtrio Posts: 429 Member
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    Going through a similar situation. Except she's not pregnant...yet (they want to get married). I'm just keeping myself honest through work outs, and eating. Kinda over exercising to be honest, just do it all in moderation. Feel free to add me. I haven't gone public in real life, but I've been talking about it on here. I can be a shoulder to lean on...:)
  • chris6515
    chris6515 Posts: 131 Member
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    You may have some situational depression. Depression needs to be taken seriously when normal activities of living become difficult. You may benefit from an antidepressant medication to feel better. See your doctor, and good luck. Keep coming back here for help and inspiration. We all need to help each other.
  • Greatmom212
    Greatmom212 Posts: 1 Member
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    Be strong, believe in yourself, you can do it!
  • kmumansky
    kmumansky Posts: 119
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    I'm sorry you are going through this! I think it is good you are seeking the help of a professional! I agree that you need to continue taking care of yourself so that you can also take care of your kids! It will be really tough because of your situation, but I think if you push really hard to keep excercising eating right etc...you will feel a lot better about yourself which will make you a better mom to your kids. I'd talk to your councelor about it too to see if he/she agrees.

    Excercising can also be a time for you to kinda forget about what's going on in your life and free yourself from the stress even if it's just for 20-30 minutes a day!

    Stay strong, you will survive this! :)
  • pbeans
    pbeans Posts: 42
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    Bless your heart. I think the first thing you need to do is address the situations at hand. I don't know if I were in your shoes that I could focus on much until I took the time to deal with what is right in front of me. Nothing makes you feel worse about yourself as someone cheating on you. Now, that he's having a baby with this other woman it's only going to add to your misery. I understand loving someone and wanting to make things work with them but do you really want to marry a man who cheated on you prior to marriage? Do you want to be the step mom of the child that resulted in this affair? These are all questions to ask yourself. Is this fair to you and your kids and what will your actions teach your children?
    I don't know if I have real advice for you but I do wish you the best and I hope that whatever happens you will be happy. Life is too short to not be.
  • captaincarol1
    captaincarol1 Posts: 5
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    Oh, Jane. Who among us is not an emotional eater?? We eat when we're happy, we eat when we're sad....but hardly ever when we
    need to nourish our bodies with the right stuff. You seem to be on a roller coaster of emotions. Bravo to you for speaking to a councellor who can help and encourage you. Remember this: there is absolutely NO benefit to eating to comfort bad feelings. In fact, it starts a terrible cycle of guilt, eating, guilt, etc. There is absolutely NO benefit of being obese. Dig deep, be a roll model for your children. Be strong and don't give up. I care.
  • Jane428
    Jane428 Posts: 2
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    Wow, thank you so much everyone! I'm sitting here bawling (tears of ....release?) and reading all your wonderful thoughts and well-wishes, and I can't believe how encouraged and motivated I already feel. A big hug from me to all of you!! I am going to start adding every single one of you as friends. All this support is so much more than I ever expected. :) Bless you all!!!!!! :flowerforyou:

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