Tired.....just tired.

chunkygirl79
chunkygirl79 Posts: 68 Member
in Motivation and Support
Does anyone else feel like this is completely hopeless sometimes? i've had to weight loss surgeries, lap band in 2012 and then gastric bypass in 2016. In total I'm down 124 pounds. Highest 353, current 231. Last year February I had a wall and haven't been able to go down any further. My lowest was 221 and since then I've been playing in these 10-15 lbs for a year now with no real progress.
I realize what the problem is now though, probably for the first time in my life, I CAN'T FIX THIS. I'm down 124 pounds because the control over this problem was taken away from me by the surgeries, but once the main affects of the surgeries tapered off and the weight became more and more mine to control once again I became stuck and unable to go any further.
now don't get me wrong, my whole life, my whole relationship with food, my whole thought process and lifestyle have changed and that is due to my hard work. I've worked hard to change my habits and my mindset and I'm proud of the person I've become when it comes to thinking about food, but it's not enough. Obviously.
What do you do when you're still broken despite your best efforts? What do you change when you've changed all you can? I still have cravings I can't control sometimes, I still over eat when I shouldn't and I'm still much more out of control then is healthy and no amount of surgery is going to change that. What do you when when you've changed your body as much as you can? How do you change the head to not go round and round in that continuous cycle of trying and failure? How do you change your brain for good so it'll match the rest? I'm almost 40 years old and I've been doing this for almost 40 years. I think it's safe to say I'm discouraged, please help.

Replies

  • RelCanonical
    RelCanonical Posts: 3,882 Member
    Gastric bypass is a tool. It's not a solution. It was YOU who made the right choices. You're still in control, you just gotta remember that.
  • InsertFunnyUsernameHere
    InsertFunnyUsernameHere Posts: 271 Member
    edited March 2019
    How do you change the head to not go round and round in that continuous cycle of trying and failure?

    You do it because you have to. One day, you decide not to make excuses anymore and to just "man up" and get it done once and for all. You only get one body and one life. Procrastination just robs you of the years of comfort you can still have. There's nothing fun about being that much overweight. Clothes don't fit right. You can't do things that smaller, fitter people can do. You are always thinking about your weight. etc. If you want all of that to end and to finally know what it's like to be "normal", then you just one day decide that enough is enough and you're going to commit until you reach your goal and that's that. Once you accomplish that, you'll realize that you can utilize the same sort of determination in other areas of your life too. Now's the time. You're not getting any younger.

    Also, if you don't get it done now, you're just a few years from serious medical problems starting to show up. Don't wait until then, when you can do it now and head off those problems.
  • brenn24179
    brenn24179 Posts: 2,144 Member
    I am an emotional eater, don't know if that is you or not. This time I have been working on emotional part, journaling a lot, what is eating me: It has helped a lot. I can be frustrated or frustrated and fat. Food wont help. Usually if I crave food something is bothering me. Got tired of feeling disappointed and guilt when I have to step on that scale tomorrow. I remind myself of this when I want to overeat.
  • puffbrat
    puffbrat Posts: 2,806 Member
    This is a nice read https://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/818701/the-myth-of-motivation-and-what-you-need-instead/p1

    Like InsertFunny said, you just have to do it. You have to take control and learn to resist or minimize those cravings. You have to learn portion control. You have to learn things that trigger emotional or habitual eating if that is something you do, and then learn other ways to deal with those emotions and habits. Learn which foods make you feel full and which don't; for many people that is protein and fat. Learn what makes you feel deprived and likely to binge if not incorporated into your life in some way. Do journaling. Develop a hobby that keeps your hands busy.
  • chunkygirl79
    chunkygirl79 Posts: 68 Member
    brenn24179 wrote: »
    I am an emotional eater, don't know if that is you or not. This time I have been working on emotional part, journaling a lot, what is eating me: It has helped a lot. I can be frustrated or frustrated and fat. Food wont help. Usually if I crave food something is bothering me. Got tired of feeling disappointed and guilt when I have to step on that scale tomorrow. I remind myself of this when I want to overeat.

    I am actually not an emotional eater but I think you get what I'm talking about the best. I've changed so much about myself already, I've learned portion control and healthy habits and so many other things that have helped me to become healthier. After surgery losing weight was thoughtless, I just ate what I needed to and what I could and for the first time in my life my head didn't get in the way. For over a year now it's been back to the same struggle I've had all my life. Telling myself that my health is at risk if things don't change doesn't anything, I told myself all that my whole life and still reached 353 lbs at one point.
    I don't know the best way to change my head at this point but your response feels like the way I need to start trying to think. Thank you for posting.

  • mstarks01
    mstarks01 Posts: 109 Member
    chunkygirl79 wrote: »
    In total I'm down 124 pounds.

    ...my whole life, my whole relationship with food, my whole thought process and lifestyle have changed and that is due to my hard work. I've worked hard to change my habits and my mindset and I'm proud of the person I've become when it comes to thinking about food.

    Read these again and again. You are clearly someone who never gives up. Rest if you must, but keep going. Keep going because you are worth it. Finally, be kind to yourself. You are doing the best you can, and that's okay.
  • brenn24179
    brenn24179 Posts: 2,144 Member
    I have been working on finding pleasure in taking care of myself rather than pleasure in food. Different mindset for sure. I want to not overeat, this self destructive habit and love myself and be good to myself. I heard someone say treat food like a best friend, you want foods that will make you feel good about yourself!
  • AnnPT77
    AnnPT77 Posts: 34,223 Member
    When we need help with our workout routine, we see a personal trainer. When we need advice on diet, we seek out a registered dietitian. When we need help with worrisome medical symptoms, we see a physician. When we have difficulty getting a handle on thought processes that are not productive for us, we find a compatible therapist.

    Any of those are the right idea, if the circumstances are right. And none should be a source of stigma. So, consider finding the professional help you need now.

    Best wishes!
  • amusedmonkey
    amusedmonkey Posts: 10,330 Member
    This will be a very unpopular opinion, but have you considered shifting your attention to other things? To just let your weight do what it wants to do and focus on your mental health for now? I don't usually suggest taking the intuitive eating approach, but there are certain circumstances where it's appropriate to put weight management on hold and just relearn the joys of simply eating. By that, I don't mean spiraling out of control and not caring anymore. Basically, you have the best habits you can sustainably have, and consider it enough for now, regardless of what your weight does.

    So what if you're overweight, you can be overweight and happy. You can grow and learn and improve without losing a single pound. You can seek professional help to work on things that are making you miserable (hint: it's not your weight). You can teach yourself to enjoy food guilt-free. Who knows, maybe when you're happier and love yourself more you'll have a better skillset if you decide to attempt weight loss again in the future with a better mindset, if not, that's alright too.

    I personally consider the healthiest weight you can be the weight you can sustain with your current skill set, even if it's overweight. Maintaining 250 pounds without running yourself into the ground is much better for your health than being 350 pounds and out of control, it's also better than being 150 pounds and feeling miserable with poor mental health and extreme weight yoyos.
  • yulscakes
    yulscakes Posts: 1 Member
    amusedmonkey wrote: »
    I personally consider the healthiest weight you can be the weight you can sustain with your current skill set, even if it's overweight. Maintaining 250 pounds without running yourself into the ground is much better for your health than being 350 pounds and out of control, it's also better than being 150 pounds and feeling miserable with poor mental health and extreme weight yoyos.

    Thank you for saying this. As someone who has struggled with my weight my whole life, it's hard for me not to let my eyes glaze over when I see some peppy dieter saying "Just make the choice, and stick to it! Do the work!" like it's this easy thing that the person expressing their frustration and despair hasn't considered yet. I remember being that smug, self assured person when I was 21 and had just lost 70 lbs and thought that it was only a matter of months before I was a skinny girl. After gaining 100 lbs over the next 10 years (and not for lack of trying to stop and reverse course at different times) it's hard not to be cynical about the whole weight loss racket. I have done this long enough to know that sometimes, you're in a good place and sticking to your diet is easy and you can't imagine ever going back to your old eating ways, and sometimes, for stretches of weeks and months and years, your body feels like it's on autopilot and you can't stop yourself from compulsively overeating even as your brain consciously recognizes how awful what you are doing to yourself is, and how badly you're going to hate yourself later.

    They call obesity a disease because it is. It is a complicated disorder of the body and the mind and, because modern medicine has failed to find a suitable treatment for this condition other than dangerous cancer-causing drugs or dangerous anatomy-modifying surgery (pick your poison), the easy thing is to blame the patient for their moral failings. When all is said and done, all we are left with to protect ourselves from this curse is our "will power." It's like telling a cancer patient to fight it off with positive thinking.

    And I know that this web site is chock full of people who are successful on their fitness journey, and I wish those people the best. But I also know that 98% of people who lose weight will regain it all back. That is essentially practically all of them.

    And I don't mean to be a Debbie Downer, and the takeaway from what I'm saying isn't that everyone should just give up. It's just to suggest that maybe people should be less presumptuous when telling someone who is clearly in distress that the problem is just that they're not trying hard enough.

    To the OP, I know exactly what you're going through. I'm going through it myself. The only thing I can say to at least try to help you feel a bit better is that being a skinny girl is not a prerequisite for happiness. And you are already a success. You lost 124 lbs. That is absolutely amazing. You have weathered sacrifice and deprivation that a thin person doesn't even begin to comprehend. If at 231 pounds, you feel exhausted, give yourself a break. Just let yourself be for a while. Your body is in a better place at 231 than it was at 350 lbs, so enjoy that. And after you take a break, if you have the energy for it, try to lose more weight. And if it takes all your energy just to maintain the 231 lbs (or something in that 10-15 lb range), then that is okay too.

  • RelCanonical
    RelCanonical Posts: 3,882 Member
    amusedmonkey wrote: »
    This will be a very unpopular opinion, but have you considered shifting your attention to other things? To just let your weight do what it wants to do and focus on your mental health for now? I don't usually suggest taking the intuitive eating approach, but there are certain circumstances where it's appropriate to put weight management on hold and just relearn the joys of simply eating. By that, I don't mean spiraling out of control and not caring anymore. Basically, you have the best habits you can sustainably have, and consider it enough for now, regardless of what your weight does.

    So what if you're overweight, you can be overweight and happy. You can grow and learn and improve without losing a single pound. You can seek professional help to work on things that are making you miserable (hint: it's not your weight). You can teach yourself to enjoy food guilt-free. Who knows, maybe when you're happier and love yourself more you'll have a better skillset if you decide to attempt weight loss again in the future with a better mindset, if not, that's alright too.

    I personally consider the healthiest weight you can be the weight you can sustain with your current skill set, even if it's overweight. Maintaining 250 pounds without running yourself into the ground is much better for your health than being 350 pounds and out of control, it's also better than being 150 pounds and feeling miserable with poor mental health and extreme weight yoyos.

    I had to do this. It was the only way I was able to stop binge eating. Stopped weighing, stopped checking calories, just starting cooking and tasting and learning to love food, eat mindfully, and care about myself again. OP may not be in the same position, so it's okay if this is not the right course for them - I wasn't even a candidate for weight loss surgery (bmi of 36, no comorbidity) so I could afford a little more gain to get on track, but I think it was definitely a one step back, three steps forward kind of situation. It really helped.

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