Breast Cancer

T0M_K · March 2019

Good Morning. I see a few topics but was feeling like nothing to recent.

My wife was diagnosed with Breast Cancer very recently. We are just in the process of getting all the MRI's and Scans done, treatment to follow in a couple weeks.

I don't even know what to ask...I guess if you have gone through this and have anything you feel you want to share maybe private message me.

I can't imagine how she is feeling, I want to support her in the best way possible.

thanks

thorntonsgirl · March 2019

Hello Tom, I'm so sorry to hear about your wife's diagnosis. I had Stage 2 BC in 2016 at 44, I had mastectomy surgery, followed by radiotherapy and now on Tamoxifen tablets for 10 years. if I can answer any questions you may have please let me know. The waiting for test results is pure torture, I remember it well. All you can do is be there for her, make her tea, hold her hand and please tell her that when a plan is made for treatment, things usually start to get a bit easier for the brain to cope with. I remember days of doing jigsaws as I couldn't concentrate on tv or books even, I was in complete shock, however, 2 years have passed and I'm cancer free and I'm doing ok now, back to a new normal.

AnnPT77 · March 2019

Hi, Tom -

I've been a survivor of stage III (locally advanced) breast cancer for over 18 years now. In 2000, at age 44, I had bilateral mastectomies (5 tumors in one breast, one positive lymph node on that side, one tumor on the other side), 6 months of chemotherapy, 6 weeks of radiation, then took Tamoxifen or Arimidex for 7.5 years after. I'm telling you this as a way to illustrate that even though there are no guarantees in life, even fairly advanced breast
cancer can be survivable. I remember right after diagnosis, wondering whether I should renew my magazine subscriptions!

(It's a good thing I did.) It helped me to learn that there were long-term survivors, lots of them, out in the world. Even stage IV has a better prognosis than it had only a few years back.

I don't know what you know yet about your wife's cancer stage, grade, and type. That will be useful information. The American Cancer Society has a wealth of info online that can help you understand what's going on (if you're "want to know" type: Some people just prefer to put things in their doctors' hands, and trust them.) They also have useful data banks about more local resources for places all across the country.

I've been on the other side of this, too (I'm a cancer widow; my husband died when he was 45 from esophageal cancer just a couple of years before my diagnosis). Sometime people will say "the patient has it harder" or "the caregiver has it harder" . . . in my view, both are challenging, just in distinct ways. But both of you have the strength to get through this, one day at a time.

Really, all you can do is be there for the practical stuff, let her know how much you love her, and be sensitive what she needs at any given moment (sometimes we want to talk about it, sometimes we want to talk about anything but the cancer, sometimes we just want to rest). Do your best to take care of yourself, too: Sleep, nutrition, exercise (when you can fit it in). It's not selfish: It's the airlines' "put on your oxygen mask before assisting others" idea. Caregiving through treatment is not a short-term challenge; keeping yourself as strong/healthy as you can makes you a better support and resource.

One thing you might want to look into, if you live near a city especially, would be support groups. Via urban cancer centers, sometimes even in small cities, you often find these for caregivers, patients, or both. Too often, people think these are just "sit around and cry" sad things. IME, that's not true. People who have been through it or are going through it can be great sources of practical tips and ideas about coping with side effects and that sort of thing, a sensitive and insightful sounding board about issues like how to interact with friends and extended family (some of whom may have puzzling reactions), as well as offering more subjective emotional support.

If you have any questions, or want thoughts about anything you don't want to talk about here in semi-public, feel free to PM me.

Sending sympathy, strength and well-wishes to you both!

Ann

jme260 · March 2019

My mom was diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer 2 years ago. The beginning was so hard, she wouldn’t shop for new clothes or make any future plans. Now it’s been 2 years, she’s still working full time & gets treatment every 3 weeks. The new normal and we just take it week by week.

The beginning is a stressful waiting game. You need to learn about the tumor and if it spread before you can develop a treatment plan. Breast cancer treatments have come a long way. Wishing the best for both of you.

anth1602 · March 2019

Hi Tom I’m sorry to hear of your wife’s diagnosis. I know from my own experience it’s like being hit by a freight train and your world is turned upside down. I was diagnosed in 2016 and had a lumpectomy followed by Radiotherapy and was put on tamoxifen and I’m now on Letrozole following oophorectomy surgery. It’s two years on and I’m still learning how to adjust my lifestyle both physically and emotionally (emotionally I actually find it harder now) to give me the best long term chance. You’ll find that you are now on a rollercoaster, personally it was all a blur and I just went with the flow of appointments and treatments. My husband was an absolute star (and still is) and helped and supported me throughout. The only thing that really upset me was when I found out he had been putting on a brave face for me and breaking his heart to his mate about what we were going through; what I’m trying to say is be open with her about your feelings - it’s her diagnosis but you’re a team so don’t be afraid to let her know how it’s affecting you. There are groups and organisations to help you too, not just your wife; make good use of them. Sending positive vibes to you both xx

Breast Cancer

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