Confession:

Qteejay
Qteejay Posts: 7 Member
edited October 1 in Motivation and Support
:blushing:
I have been married to a wonderful man for the last four years. We have shared a life, a home, a child, and many stories. I have never had a problem opening up and showing him who I am and what I intend. I know he deeply respects me and is enamored with our life.
When I met him I was dedicated to working out all the time, eating right (although I eat so much better now), and by all accounts was getting compliments where people said I was "hot". My confidence was booming after a lifetime of being overweight. After my son, I gained a good 30 pounds that I cannot shake. He, at times seems withdrawn and I have always attributed it to my weight increases as it gets more apparent then. One day before a road trip, I was changing clothes for our long drive and happened to turn around and look behind me. I saw him looking down at my rear and my legs and the look on his face was indescribable. To be frank, he looked disgusted. Being reasonable and respectfully communicative in our relationship I asked him later that weekend if my weight bothered him, his response was yes. He said that he preferred me smaller like I was when I met him. It was unsettling to hear and crushing, but it was exactly how I felt myself, inside. That was in the Spring and since then I have taken objective approaches to make permanent lifestyle changes.

My confession is this. I have never been naked in front of my husband. I feel too ashamed. I feel gross, definitely not sexy. Honestly, I have never shown a full on naked body to any lover in my past. This has been with me for a long time. In fact, I started a weight loss program of my own two years ago and took a Before photo, just to have my brother come across it in my camera and laugh at it.

As I look over the before and after success stories in MFP, I realize that I don't really have a before picture ( I deleted the one I had-immediately). I have stayed away from full body pictures in almost every situation. Crop tools are my friend. Although, I must say, that these forums and the support I have seen make me feel more comfortable with putting such pictures up. I think everyone here is so supportive and brave.

Please don't get me wrong, I am not trying to gain sympathy here, and my husband is really fantastic. I just have a deep rooted insecurity that I feel many on here do as well.

I think I need a before picture. I'm scared...

Jen

Replies

  • Dabbles
    Dabbles Posts: 367
    I'm here if ya need a friend. Whatever you do, do it for you.
  • vim_n_vigor
    vim_n_vigor Posts: 4,089 Member
    Put your picture here and then delete the evidence on your computer, phone, camera. You can keep it safe here with us.
  • bjshooter
    bjshooter Posts: 1,174 Member
    Take the before picture, you will be glad of it later.

    I have never been naked in front of my latest b/f and we have a kid also. Cant imagine ever feeling I liked myself enough to do that EVER tbh :(
  • nicakk01
    nicakk01 Posts: 71 Member
    I don't think you are at all alone in the full naked in front of a lover. There are so many of us out there! I think it is great that you and your husband have an honest relationship, that alone should help you to over come when you are ready to let it go and over come. Keep up the hard work - emotionally and physically - hand in hand they will happen! :smile:
  • eelamme
    eelamme Posts: 1,135 Member
    I wish I could give you a GiNorMous hug! I've suffered with insecurity my whole life. Wish I could've seen how beautiful I was at 155 for at 200 I know I'm not. I'm blessed to have a fiance that loves me regardless of the fact that I've gained (30+) since I've met him. And odd thing is, although he has no qualms with his body image he doesn't walk around the house w/o a top on nor does he sleep in anything less than boxers, shorts and a tee...yet with all the insecurity in the world I tend to walk around naked as could be.
  • susanloveszumba
    susanloveszumba Posts: 182
    i know how you feel about the picture thing and after i took one of myself it was shocking to see. I never look at myself that way. It was definitely an eye-opener for me on how much work I had before me:) One day I will lose enough weight to post my before picture, it's still embarrasing, but part of the process!
  • had3nuf
    had3nuf Posts: 59
    I'm with you...I too have a negative body image. Some days are worse..or better than others. I wish I knew what to say to help you to feel better. You are very pretty...and I wish he could see past your *kitten* right now..and realize you are the same woman..just a different body. I've learned that even as heavy as I am..there are still things I love about my body.....and things I would love to change. You're making steps to change..and that is what's truly important. When you become happier with yourself....you'll realize too that you are a gorgeous woman. When you feel good about yourself..your entire attitude will change....and the right attitude is sexy.....no matter what size you are.
  • jd338
    jd338 Posts: 14
    You are not alone in your confession and I agree that the fact that your husband was able to be honest with you is priceless....keep that sacred and keep working at it...the big picture will come together. The more vulnerable you can be with him, the stronger your relationship will be!!
    As for the picture....I am not as fired up about that....spend the energy on the marriage and communication. At the end of the day, you are going to look beautiful and fit...no need to look in the rear view mirror....but that might just be me.
  • garlic7girl
    garlic7girl Posts: 2,236 Member
    Have you both talked of getting healthy together? I have friends who are married and the whole family is involved. Maybe if a family thing and not just your thing alone it will go over better plus help your child with gowing up with a healthy lifestyle.
  • prettyfitchick
    prettyfitchick Posts: 502 Member
    I found your confession touching. I just never could imagine those words coming out of my loved one mouth even when I was bigger he always said there was nothing wrong with my size he would say you are not big your clothes are too tight but it was becuase i was getting bigger but you have to do this for you if want a before pic take one and keep it safe and if any laughs defend it let that person know this is my motivation to change
  • ehlertmartha
    ehlertmartha Posts: 78 Member
    I know where you are definitely coming from
    My jr year of high school my starting weight was 240 and was always being put dow due to my family to i fed my emotion to escape the rejection i worked my but of my jr year and lost 50lbs and was still being told i wasnt pretty enough for anyone. The yr i graduated i moved to texas with some friends my confidence started to go up and i realized i was beautiful and with all the stress of my family i gained all the weight back and some but here i stand with no confidence i hate too look in the mirror and think every time a guy looks and me that he doesnt want me. Seeing other people in the situation i am in gives me confidence and keep my head held high to defeat the demon of each day
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