I want to drink alcohol so badly right now
makohannel
Posts: 3 Member
Its 9:07 pm and the liquor stores close at 11 tonight. I don't know if I can survive tonight sober. Weekends are really hard for me because I get lonely and alcohol helps me to forget. It eases the pain. I know that the better way is to go out and make friends but that is some thing that I find hard to do. The thing is that I am a problem drinker. I can drink up to 750ml of gin a night. That's a little over 1600 calories in alcohol alone.
I tried to lose weight last year but I don't think that I counted my calories from alcohol properly so I would do ok during the week and then binge drink all weekend and regain all the weight that I had lost Monday to Friday. So needless to say I didn't make any progress at all. When I binge drink I lose all motivation to do anything - to study, to go to the gym, to eat healthy. In fact, I've noticed something horrifying - I lose the ability to feel full if I go on a real tear so another downside is that I binge eat as well. It's vicious. When I binge drink and binge eat all weekend its like I'm in a fog. It's hard for me to stop once I get started. By the time Monday rolls around I've binge eaten and drunk so much that it takes until Wednesday morning for the bloating to have subsided.
Every Monday morning I tell myself I'll just start over - that next weekend I will do it differently. Well the weekend is upon me. I want so badly to be able to write in my journal on Monday that I made it. That I didn't spend the whole weekend in bed binge drinking and eating (because that is literally what has been happening. I start drinking in bed on Friday night and don't stop until the wee hours of Monday morning. I only get out of bed to go and get more alcohol to last me though each day.) I feel quite ill when I think of how much money I've spent on alcohol. I feel embarrassed to go to the liquor store because I think the clerks know me by now. I even make it a point to go to a different store each day so that it isn't too obvious to all and sundry just how much I drink.
I want this year to end differently than last year and the years before and it just seems like I can't have alcohol and have a different out come. I want to stop starting over again and again and again. I get it - to get something that you've never had you have to do something that you've never done. I don't recall the last time I swore off alcohol for an extended period of time.
I currently weigh 285lbs. I've got 150lbs to lose to get to my goal weight. I cannot believe that I allowed things to get so out of hand. The way that I look at it I'm 15lbs away from being 300lbs. I already struggle with things such as tying my shoelaces and getting up off the ground because I've become so large. This is the heaviest I've ever been. I'm in a bad way folks.
If I go out and buy alcohol tonight, I will not be able to wake up early and study. Which means I will not make it to the gym for my gym class at 9am because I'll be to groggy to go. Then I'll in all likelihood just end up spending the whole day in bed doing nothing except drinking and watching endless You Tube videos.
I'm tired of failing to live up to the promises that I make for myself.
I tried to lose weight last year but I don't think that I counted my calories from alcohol properly so I would do ok during the week and then binge drink all weekend and regain all the weight that I had lost Monday to Friday. So needless to say I didn't make any progress at all. When I binge drink I lose all motivation to do anything - to study, to go to the gym, to eat healthy. In fact, I've noticed something horrifying - I lose the ability to feel full if I go on a real tear so another downside is that I binge eat as well. It's vicious. When I binge drink and binge eat all weekend its like I'm in a fog. It's hard for me to stop once I get started. By the time Monday rolls around I've binge eaten and drunk so much that it takes until Wednesday morning for the bloating to have subsided.
Every Monday morning I tell myself I'll just start over - that next weekend I will do it differently. Well the weekend is upon me. I want so badly to be able to write in my journal on Monday that I made it. That I didn't spend the whole weekend in bed binge drinking and eating (because that is literally what has been happening. I start drinking in bed on Friday night and don't stop until the wee hours of Monday morning. I only get out of bed to go and get more alcohol to last me though each day.) I feel quite ill when I think of how much money I've spent on alcohol. I feel embarrassed to go to the liquor store because I think the clerks know me by now. I even make it a point to go to a different store each day so that it isn't too obvious to all and sundry just how much I drink.
I want this year to end differently than last year and the years before and it just seems like I can't have alcohol and have a different out come. I want to stop starting over again and again and again. I get it - to get something that you've never had you have to do something that you've never done. I don't recall the last time I swore off alcohol for an extended period of time.
I currently weigh 285lbs. I've got 150lbs to lose to get to my goal weight. I cannot believe that I allowed things to get so out of hand. The way that I look at it I'm 15lbs away from being 300lbs. I already struggle with things such as tying my shoelaces and getting up off the ground because I've become so large. This is the heaviest I've ever been. I'm in a bad way folks.
If I go out and buy alcohol tonight, I will not be able to wake up early and study. Which means I will not make it to the gym for my gym class at 9am because I'll be to groggy to go. Then I'll in all likelihood just end up spending the whole day in bed doing nothing except drinking and watching endless You Tube videos.
I'm tired of failing to live up to the promises that I make for myself.
10
Replies
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I know that the better way is to go out and make friends. Yes, do this! You know what to do. I hope you try AA if you cant quit drinking.3
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I went through a period of drinking too much. I realized it was a problem when I was sitting in class and counting down the time until I could go home and drink. That realization scared me enough to make changes.
Where do you picture yourself in a year or two? What do you want for your life? Assuming there were no obstacles in your way, what would you do? If that picture is unclear, that might be a good place to start. To just start dreaming of a better place, a better life. As that picture becomes more clear, then look at what it would take to get you there.1 -
One day at a time buddy. Other people in the same situation as you, with the same tools/capabilities as you, have licked this.
One day at a time.
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Doing my best to send you some positive vibes. I weighed 285 lbs at my all time high. I started my journey by cutting out alcohol. I weighed 171lbs this morning. It’s doable.2
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Have you ever checked out Stopdrinking on Reddit? It’s a wonderful supportive online space that has helped me stay alcohol free for 2 years.
One trick I learned there is to “play the tape” forward, thinking about blowing calories, sleeping terribly, being hungover and making the cravings start all over again. Try to get through tonight! Drink tea and binge TV.5 -
I read your post, and my heart went out to you. Sending up prayers for you this very second. Keep posting here. People really do care, and we want you to succeed.1
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Huge hugs from me, too!
You need to do something to break the pattern you're in every weekend.
Instead of focussing on the alcohol, or how much time is left before the liquor store closes, get up and do something else, instead. Anything. Go for a walk. Go see a movie. Have a bath. Distract yourself.
If you can get through one night, it helps to give you the "I can do this!" mindset to get through the next.
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Im sorry you are going through this. It's a tough spot to be in. At least you are aware you have a problem and have a desire to make a change. Sending lots of positive vibes your way.1
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How did you do?2
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I hope you will get help with this problem--it's ruining your life. Please go to AA before you hit rock bottom. Wishing you the best of health and happiness.1
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Thank you all so much for your kind words and support. I was able to make it through the night sober. I woke up early and studied. I made it to my class at the gym and now I'm going to clean my house.
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makohannel wrote: »Thank you all so much for your kind words and support. I was able to make it through the night sober. I woke up early and studied. I made it to my class at the gym and now I'm going to clean my house.
Good for you! Now just focus on getting through tonight.
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Get to a mental health professional. RUN!!!!!!!!!!!1
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makohannel wrote: »Thank you all so much for your kind words and support. I was able to make it through the night sober. I woke up early and studied. I made it to my class at the gym and now I'm going to clean my house.
I was so glad to read this. You can do this. When/if you get to feeling lonely, post here. You may feel alone, but you're not. We're all rooting for you.3 -
Thank you for having the courage to tell your story. Identifying a problem is the first step on the way to recovery. Sending you all my support and positive thoughts!2
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Hope you're still doing better.1
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I hear your pain. A week without booze for me. Best of luck!2
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