Really resistant partner...

Hey there,

I agree with the others that you should give him some space. The best gift my thin husband ever gave me, and continues giving me, is his love. Even when I outweighed him by almost 100 lbs! He never made comments about what I ate, never asked me to lose weight, and constantly told me and everyone else how beautiful I am.

I see that you've lost some weight, and one thing that occurs to me is that, once we "get it," it's really hard not to try to bring others along for the ride. We see it as fun and encouraging; they see it as nagging. Took me a long time to understand that we have to let God work as uniquely in others as He works in ourselves. Your BF just might not be ready for the ride.

Finally, a practical tip. My husband and I most often eat the same things. Maybe entering the common foods you eat, then making them available for him will help lessen his frustration.

I would not be the one entering in food for someone else. It's his life, and if he's not accountable, he's never going to stick with it.

Yeah, he wants a girlfriend, not a mother. Or does he? What else are you doing for him that he should be doing for himself? hmmmm.......

I guess it's just bugging me because he put ME in charge of this. I keep telling him that he needs to want to do it for HIM, but he keeps telling me that he wants to do it for ME, so that we can grow old together and live a happy & healthy life...

Be supportive, make sure there's only diet pop or pop zero in the fridge (cos he's not gonna give it up unless he want to) and try avoid having comfort-eating, snack foods in the house. And take him out for long romantic walks or suggest getting bicycles and go bike riding at the weekend!

Only your b/f can decide when it's timefor him to accept to change and adopt a balanced diet and exercise plan. But don't let him blame YOU for his failure, esp if he's putting you under pressure for his own lack of will-power, which is what it sounds here (although I could be completely wrong).

@Mom2rh

I know, I've thought about that too - but he's ASKED me to do this for him. He wants to lose weight, but he doesn't know how to do it. He was really upset because he had been living at home and trying to eat better, but his dad was always sabotaging him, bringing in high fat/high caloric foods... so I've tried to cut these types foods completely out of my cupboards, and introduce him to fresh foods and such...

I've never *really* struggled with weight (I'm 5'3 and I've been in the 110-125 range since high school), so I don't really understand what it feels like to him.

I guess that's more what I need advice on - how to motivate him without nagging. I completely accept him as he is, and I'm totally in love with him... but since he's entrusted me with helping him to lose weight, I need to know how to do this in a supportive way.

I think that this post tells a lot about your situation. It sounds to me like he's had unhealthy eating habits for most of his life and he is just uneducated about nutrition in general. The good news is it sounds like he wants to learn about it. The important thing to keep in mind is that it's going to take a long time to relearn how / what to eat and most of the changes will come gradually. The first step is for him to realize what he's eating on a regular basis. I think it's great that he wants to keep a handwritten journal by himself. He doesn't need to use MFP to be successful.

My suggestion to you would be to help educate him when he has questions. If he has questions then he is willing to learn about it and that's a great sign. Let him read some of the sticky threads on the forums here and maybe even some blogs about how the body uses different macronutrients. Explain the benefits of strength training v. cardio when he is ready to workout and offer to go to the gym with him when he is ready to go. It might take months to get to that point, but it will happen if he wants to make a change. I don't think any of that would be considered "nagging;" I think it's incredibly supportive and loving.

I know when I first started here in January there were certain foods I wasn't ready to give up and that I had to make the changes really slowly. I'm still improving parts of my diet and my workout routine to find the perfect balance. Over time I think he will do the same if he is seriously unhappy with his body.

One last note, I would not log the food for him on here. I would just let him write it down and keep track of it himself. He doesn't even have to worry about calories or other data at first, just a list of what he ate and what times he ate it. After a few days or even a week I think he will get curious about what's actually in the food he's eating. He might seek out MFP himself just to make it easier. If he does, use the items he's written down to practice how to search for items in the database so it removes some of the confusion for him. If he sees what to do with practice food items, then it might make more sense to him.

Hope that helps. Good luck!

I do get home pretty late, though it's been starting to even itself out a bit. Some days last week, I was getting home as late as 9-9:30pm, and my gym closes at 10. This week, I'm starting to get out of work around 6 (not as busy) and getting home around 7... so we'll start going to the gym again, I think.

Can you go in the morning by chance? If he's at home while you're at work starting out the day right for a lot of folks goes a long way towards keeping on that track for the rest of the day.

I would start with one change at a time. Cutting out pop was a great start.

My husband didn't eat fruit or veggies before and was a (and still is a little of a ) carb junkie. He tried logging but found it annoying but still logs his weight loss progress on here. At first I was on him when he ate over his calorie limit by big amounts but then I found it worked better to just get him to eat better foods. I do most of the cooking so dinner is almost always healthy. He eats cereal or eggs in the morning with fruit. He takes lots of veggies and fruit to work with him. He essentially started doing this when I told him I would back off of how much he ate as long as he made mostly good choices, so he did. Sometimes he only loses 1 lb in a month but its still something, and the quality of food and nutrients he gets now is better. I was still concerned about his carbs cause he was eating 2 sandwhiches at lunch and 2 sandwhiches at night. He now eats one sandwhich at night and I make a big pot of homemade soup each week to freeze for him, so he now takes one sandwhich and a soup with him for work, and ofcourse all his fruits and veggies as snacks. He now uses sweetener instead of sugar in his coffee. He eats whole wheat instead of white bread (that was the biggest fight lol) and drinks skim milk.

He still sometimes eats the tub of icecream once in a while, but he doesn't eat nearly as bad as he used to.

He doesn't really exercise either, so often I will drag hiim around town walking, whether we are shopping or just enjoying the sunshine while I snap pictures away with my camera.

Sorry this was so longwinded, but my point is that little changes will slowly become habit, then you can move on to the next thing.