Where is my happy ending?
I’m a 30 year old woman who has been very lucky in life - I have an amazing & supportive family, career, financial freedom, plenty of friends, beauty and an education. However, besides being fortunate enough to be born into a financially stable and loving family, I have always struggled... a LOT. Nothing has ever come easy to me. Growing up and as an adult, I dealt with severe anxiety, depression, loneliness, bullying, pitiful self esteem, toxic friendships and horrible, downright abusive work environments/bosses. I did find true love and a soulmate in college, only for him to tragically pass away on me after 3 years together, only a few months after I graduated and was about to move in with him. A year later, I found love again, only to find myself in a 5 year long abusive (emotionally and sometimes physically) LTR. We lived together, had a dog and were engaged when I finally walked away for good after one particularly nasty argument.
The relationship ended in July 2017 and while it was not easy, I finally got myself and my self confidence in a healthy place. I’ve made tons of new friends, travelled a lot and have a really great job. Despite that, I still yearn for true love and a relationship. It’s frustrating to so many things come so easily to so many people around me, while I’ve had to work my *kitten* off for everything I have. I don’t even mean career success - I mean things people take for granted like successful happy relationships, non toxic work environments and good mental health.
Like my abusive *kitten* ex - despite him destroying my self worth, putting his hands on me and putting me through hell, he is now is a long term happy relationship, has a successful business and got to keep our dog. But it’s not even about him. I have so many friends who had many blessings come so easily to them while I had to fight and claw my way to simply get some peace of mind and emotional relief.
I am not looking for sympathy. I’m so grateful for what I do have and know I have it so much better than most. I guess I’m just musing on the unfairness that is life. I’m tired of having to be strong all the time.
Disclaimer - I don’t think I need therapy and I’m not currently depressed or in poor mental health . Just felt like venting and getting feedback
The relationship ended in July 2017 and while it was not easy, I finally got myself and my self confidence in a healthy place. I’ve made tons of new friends, travelled a lot and have a really great job. Despite that, I still yearn for true love and a relationship. It’s frustrating to so many things come so easily to so many people around me, while I’ve had to work my *kitten* off for everything I have. I don’t even mean career success - I mean things people take for granted like successful happy relationships, non toxic work environments and good mental health.
Like my abusive *kitten* ex - despite him destroying my self worth, putting his hands on me and putting me through hell, he is now is a long term happy relationship, has a successful business and got to keep our dog. But it’s not even about him. I have so many friends who had many blessings come so easily to them while I had to fight and claw my way to simply get some peace of mind and emotional relief.
I am not looking for sympathy. I’m so grateful for what I do have and know I have it so much better than most. I guess I’m just musing on the unfairness that is life. I’m tired of having to be strong all the time.
Disclaimer - I don’t think I need therapy and I’m not currently depressed or in poor mental health . Just felt like venting and getting feedback
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I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but simply because you can't see the struggle it does not mean that it isn't there. I think literally everyone has some type of struggle or challenge that they have had to deal with or continue to deal with... Those people who seem to get everything handed to them without a struggle are probably a lot better at showing a confidence/positive attitude that they may or may not feel. And as far as relationships go, people tend to be attracted to other people with similar attitudes... exude a positive, confident attitude and even when you don't expect it you may attract a positive, confident companion.
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shondalynn2 wrote: »I think literally everyone has some type of struggle or challenge that they have had to deal with or continue to deal with... Those people who seem to get everything handed to them without a struggle are probably a lot better at showing a confidence/positive attitude that they may or may not feel.
Thanks for your response! I definitely agree with this. When I say “people” and “friends”, I mean the people closest to me who I have never seen struggle in any capacity. Doesn’t mean they haven’t but if they did, their struggles just seem to pale in comparison to mine.
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comparison is the thief of joy
be happy you are away from him
be happy you making some choices that will lead to a whole different you.
enjoy the journey. sometimes, happiness isn't a big thing with fanfare but just sitting and being in the moment
and why do you want an ending? write a new chapter-choose your own adventure.
--i've had to struggle for every single thing i have in my life. every.single.thing. And while there are days, it wears me down; overall, i wouldn't trade it for the world (unless i could have more dogs)6 -
Yeah I have a different perspective. My struggles just wear me down and while they have made me “stronger”, I was already strong enough to begin with.--i've had to struggle for every single thing i have in my life. every.single.thing. And while there are days, it wears me down; overall, i wouldn't trade it for the world (unless i could have more dogs)
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Disclaimer - I don’t think I need therapy and I’m not currently depressed or in poor mental health . Just felt like venting and getting feedback
Maybe it was just my guy, but that was pretty much therapy for me: venting and feedback. It can be expensive, but you’ll probably get better advice.2 -
I’m a 30 year old woman who has been very lucky in life - I have an amazing & supportive family, career, financial freedom, plenty of friends, beauty and an education. However, besides being fortunate enough to be born into a financially stable and loving family, I have always struggled... a LOT. Nothing has ever come easy to me. Growing up and as an adult, I dealt with severe anxiety, depression, loneliness, bullying, pitiful self esteem, toxic friendships and horrible, downright abusive work environments/bosses. I did find true love and a soulmate in college, only for him to tragically pass away on me after 3 years together, only a few months after I graduated and was about to move in with him. A year later, I found love again, only to find myself in a 5 year long abusive (emotionally and sometimes physically) LTR. We lived together, had a dog and were engaged when I finally walked away for good after one particularly nasty argument.
The relationship ended in July 2017 and while it was not easy, I finally got myself and my self confidence in a healthy place. I’ve made tons of new friends, travelled a lot and have a really great job. Despite that, I still yearn for true love and a relationship. It’s frustrating to so many things come so easily to so many people around me, while I’ve had to work my *kitten* off for everything I have. I don’t even mean career success - I mean things people take for granted like successful happy relationships, non toxic work environments and good mental health.
Like my abusive *kitten* ex - despite him destroying my self worth, putting his hands on me and putting me through hell, he is now is a long term happy relationship, has a successful business and got to keep our dog. But it’s not even about him. I have so many friends who had many blessings come so easily to them while I had to fight and claw my way to simply get some peace of mind and emotional relief.
I am not looking for sympathy. I’m so grateful for what I do have and know I have it so much better than most. I guess I’m just musing on the unfairness that is life. I’m tired of having to be strong all the time.
Disclaimer - I don’t think I need therapy and I’m not currently depressed or in poor mental health . Just felt like venting and getting feedback
You've got a lot more than lots of people and you surely don't sound grateful.
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Well, this has been a fun fishing trip.5
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I acknowledged that I’m grateful for what I do have and that there are people who have it far worse. Comments like this are why issues like mental illness and domestic violence are NEVER taken seriously enough and why victims often feel ignored - because someone else always has it “worse”
Well when you make comments like this "their struggles just seem to pale in comparison to mine", that's the sort of response you'll get on the internet, especially when it sounds like you're just whining about not being in a relationship. If anything THAT pales in comparison to soooo many issues and real problems people deal with, like gee I don't know....hunger....being homeless, you know things like that.6 -
A couple things:
1) You do not know what is going on behind closed doors. While your ex may seem to be in a happy relationship, he may still be an abusive person to his new partner. Often times when a person is abusive, they do not change.
2) I also hate when people say "but someone always has it worse." Your feelings are valid. Just like you cannot compare your happiness to that of others, you also cannot compare your sadness and other feelings.
3) It is entirely human to be grateful for what you have and yet still want more. I don't think I have met a single person who wasn't wanting to change at least something about their life.
4) You don't always have to be strong. It is perfectly acceptable to have moments of weakness.
5) This is a fitness forum, not mental health. You may be better talking with a therapist. It doesn't have to be weekly sessions, maybe just a couple to clear your head and maybe work out a few things.4 -
It sounds like you are mainly just frustrated and jealous that Jack@$$ (heretofor known as Jack, lol) has found a new punching bag, while you actually care enough about yourself to refuse to settle again. And feeling lonely on top of that doesn't help. Sadly, not much can be done about it. But heres a free *hug* anyhow.
Concentrate on you and what you can do in your life, one step at a time.5 -
Cassandraw3 wrote: »A couple things:
1) You do not know what is going on behind closed doors. While your ex may seem to be in a happy relationship, he may still be an abusive person to his new partner. Often times when a person is abusive, they do not change.
2) I also hate when people say "but someone always has it worse." Your feelings are valid. Just like you cannot compare your happiness to that of others, you also cannot compare your sadness and other feelings.
3) It is entirely human to be grateful for what you have and yet still want more. I don't think I have met a single person who wasn't wanting to change at least something about their life.
4) You don't always have to be strong. It is perfectly acceptable to have moments of weakness.
5) This is a fitness forum, not mental health. You may be better talking with a therapist. It doesn't have to be weekly sessions, maybe just a couple to clear your head and maybe work out a few things.
So kind ❤️ thank you
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It sounds like you are mainly just frustrated and jealous that Jack@$$ (heretofor known as Jack, lol) has found a new punching bag, while you actually care enough about yourself to refuse to settle again. And feeling lonely on top of that doesn't help. Sadly, not much can be done about it. But heres a free *hug* anyhow.
Concentrate on you and what you can do in your life, one step at a time.
Sound advice! Thank you so much 💕
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I wonder the same after every massage. %FirstWorldProblems7
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I went through a 30 year marriage with an abusive cheater. I was struggling with some of the same feelings you are having. I think I was in a negative frame of mind that was just poisoning any potential relationships. Then I got cancer and after fighting to live there was no way I was letting anything that was not positive in my life, mind, or heart. I decided to count my blessings and not worry about what I don't have. I was eventually living a positive happy life, then I met a man who saw my heart. Keep the things that lift you up and get rid of things that drag you down and it will change your life.1
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