Life balance? Not enough time in the day.

2»

Replies

  • spiriteagle99
    spiriteagle99 Posts: 3,676 Member
    I agree with those that said there are bigger problems than just different schedules. Your fiance sounds awfully controlling. So what if you don't have the exactl same schedule? Can't he entertain himself for an hour or two? Can he cook dinner or buy it while you're busy? Trying to control all your free time, making you feel guilty for taking some me time to work out, is not a good start to a marriage. Having independent interests can be good for a relationship, as long as you also have some together time. The fact that you enjoy movement and he doesn't could also be an issue. I would not be happy married to a couch potato. Can you find activities on the weekend that you can do together? Hiking, biking, kayaking, dance, rock climbing, etc?
  • jemhh
    jemhh Posts: 14,261 Member
    It's two evenings of you being out later. And it's not even that late, considering that he has class those evenings too. How is he going to handle it if you work different shifts or different days in the future? When I married my husband, he was in school going toward a career that would likely have involved 8a-5p office jobs. But then he switched to a career field that has him working 12 hour shifts, with days off during the week, and only every other weekend off. Was it something different to get used to? Yes. But we did it and we're great--married 21 years, one kid, and still spending plenty of time together. I'm not saying that you may not need to be more flexible (e.g., get up early for the gym sometimes or quit adding the extra midweek day) but the flexibility needs to be there on both sides.
  • jdhcm2006
    jdhcm2006 Posts: 2,254 Member
    What happens once he's done with school and his schedule changes? Is he going to expect you to rearrange everything on your end b/c things have changed for him? I think a conversation needs to happen concerning expectations b/c TO ME it seems like his expectations of when you get home are off base. You work until 6pm and then have to commute, so even without going to the gym you get home later than him due to work. Him having an issue with that is ridiculous TO ME.
  • lorrpb
    lorrpb Posts: 11,464 Member
    tinkerbellang83 wrote: »
    amgreenwell wrote: »
    When I was single, which you are b/c you have a boyfriend, not a husband or kids. I worked 8-5 then gym (which was close to my work) for an hour or more then home, shower, cook dinner and relax. Decide to eat dinner later and maybe have him make something, a side or have the meat cooking. I can't imagine that he wouldn't want you to reach your goals, whatever those are. If you aren't a "morning person" and can't make yourself get up and do the things you need to in the morning, then the compromise is going to come in the evening.
    Do what is right for you and going to help you reach a goal. A good partner will see that and support it.

    Whilst I agree with the majority of your post, the bolded - say what? If you're living with someone and planning to buy a house together, you are not Single. Marriage is not necessary for a relationship to be a committed one.

    You are single if you are not married. You are married if you have a marriage license. This is a legal status in most places. The legal status does not dictate the level of love or mutual commitment.
  • HSmom47
    HSmom47 Posts: 8 Member
    In the early years of our dating, my husband and I wanted to spend as much time as we could together. Maybe he just wants to see you as much as possible. You’re obviously pleasant to be around. Truly, a walk together outside could count as one of your workouts. I still don’t like to be gone from home too many nights a week because I miss my husband and kids (and am missed). And this is after 30 years of marriage. I’d rather eat less than exercise more.
  • MelanieCN77
    MelanieCN77 Posts: 4,047 Member
    HSmom47 wrote: »
    In the early years of our dating, my husband and I wanted to spend as much time as we could together. Maybe he just wants to see you as much as possible. You’re obviously pleasant to be around. Truly, a walk together outside could count as one of your workouts. I still don’t like to be gone from home too many nights a week because I miss my husband and kids (and am missed). And this is after 30 years of marriage. I’d rather eat less than exercise more.

    -Then maybe he can adjust some of his schedule to achieve his desires.
    -Just because it comes from a "nice" place doesn't mean one has to bend to the pressure.
    -Truly, a walk isn't going to do much of anything as purposeful exercise for many people.
    -OP isn't pushing for a ridiculous schedule. Time apart is as healthy as time together.
  • MikePTY
    MikePTY Posts: 3,814 Member
    Polydactylkat wrote: »
    We actually had a talk last night and it was helpful. I think he thought I was going to the gym because I felt like I needed to be “skinny” to be beautiful. I did get really down on my body a while ago, but I explained to him that I go not because I don’t like myself but because I DO like myself and I just want to be strong and fit, and I genuinely enjoy it. That seemed to make a bit of a difference. I also just stressed to him that I can’t help that my work hours are later than his (therefore my gym time is later) plus my commute, but that I don’t plan on it being like this forever. I’d like to work closer to home but
    I am only about 2 years into a career in a brand new field so I don’t have a lot of leverage. And I made sure he knew that when I am away from home, it’s not because I want to be away from him, it’s just that I can’t do these things at home.

    It was a good talk. I was initially kind of angry, but I don’t think he meant to be holding me back, he just didn’t understand and he also had some things on his mind that he had been holding in which ended up coming out at me recently when he was upset.

    Still need to find a balance, but he will benefit from a happier fitter me as well. So, gonna get my butt up in the AM, save Fridays for he and I to be together and he will be more understanding.

    My point about how having our own place will make a difference (lots more things to do at home when it’s MY home) was emphasized when in the middle of our heartfelt conversation our roommate came in with his goofy self and bags of candy. We paused the convo until after dinner.

    Soooo ... I think we’ll be okay.

    Glad you guys had a talk and worked through it. A lot of times these type of things just come down to miscommunication. It is good that you seem to be on a better page now with it.
  • h7463
    h7463 Posts: 626 Member
    Yeah...the 'time' problem sounds very familiar to me...and then there were the gym membership fees and the gas money...
    I fixed that: I started buying dumbbells, bars, weight plates, recently added a bench... => home gym.
    I'm still happily lifting, and I have not heard a reasonable complait from him since... :D
  • Strongfitmama100412
    Strongfitmama100412 Posts: 90 Member
    First of all there is no need for a hour and half workout. Hour tops!! Think of quality and not quantity. More bang for your buck. Lifting weights a couple of days a week, a spin class or some cardio 2 days a week. Hiit training is great to save time. Only 20 min. One day a yoga class. Maybe do the gym 3 days a week and on the weekends. Make the weekends very active. Go to the gym together, go for walks or hikes, etc

    There is always time. Meal prep and Plan dinners on sundays for the week. So making dinner only takes 30 min

    Really get used to schedules. If you plan on having kids it will be helpful. I have 3 kids, a husband, a job with a hour commute and find time to workout every day. Good luck!!!!


  • becca_rup23
    becca_rup23 Posts: 396 Member
    I have had this problem too with scheduling/feeling like I should be home rather than working out. My fiance and I have started going to the gym together a few times a week, it helps us spend a little extra time together and we both get to work out. Not sure if your boyfriend would want to do that, but it's helped us both feel like we're spending more time and getting our workout/self betterment in as well.

    Otherwise, I agree with the comments about having a few gym days and a few days where you're home after work to try and compromise. I'm sure you'll figure it out!

Categories