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When the work finally starts to pay off....but no one notices

akern1987akern1987 Member Posts: 287 Member Member Posts: 287 Member
This is a question for people who (like me) have a lot to lose (like over 100 a lot to lose). I've started and re-started and re-started my weight loss over and over and over for years. At the beginning of this year (2019) I started fresh again at the highest I had ever been; and as of today I am 25 pounds down! I'm excited about it, and I am already feeling better, and have a lot of confidence around what I've been doing (essentially just eating cleaner, moving more and I have incorporated intermittent fasting as part of my routine)....however, it feels a little defeating that I'm nearly to a 30 pound loss and no one in my life has noticed any change at all....I'm sure that's normal at my weight, but I was wondering if anyone else has ever felt what I'm feeling? I know external validation isn't what it's about, it's about my journey to health, but it's a little tough to stay motivated when my progress feels so insignificant.
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Replies

  • LdenzelLdenzel Member Posts: 91 Member Member Posts: 91 Member
    Congrats on the weight loss!

    I think this is fairly normal. I have a significant amount to lose, as well. I am down about 15lbs and even I can't really notice a change visually. My shirts and pants are a little less tight, though, and I feel better so that is keeping me motivated.

    It may also be that these are people who see you every day. It is harder to notice the changes when they see youslowly change over time.

    Keep up the great work!
    edited April 2019
  • kzshelbikzshelbi Member Posts: 73 Member Member Posts: 73 Member
    I think its exactly like what Ldenzel said.
  • RelCanonicalRelCanonical Member Posts: 3,884 Member Member Posts: 3,884 Member
    lin_be wrote: »
    Some people find that commenting on weight is considered rude, whether it be gaining or losing.

    Yes, this. They can't know for sure if your loss is healthy or for health reasons. I had a coworker who said I was looking thin and then asked if it was okay to say that. Sometimes you just have to get all the validation from yourself. I don't even accept friend request on this site to practice it in a controlled environment, haha.
  • akern1987akern1987 Member Posts: 287 Member Member Posts: 287 Member
    Thanks so much everyone! I appreciate all the positive comments and you all so right, I am doing this me! :)
  • DWBalboaDWBalboa Member Posts: 35,024 Member Member Posts: 35,024 Member
    As already stated, many people are apprehensive about making comments towards ones weight rather loss or a gain. Additionally the people that are closes to you and see you regularly tend not to see the change as well as those that see you seldomly.
    Just be proud of your progress and keep on moving forward, the compliments and praises will come.
    Congratulations on your success so far.
  • funjen1972funjen1972 Member Posts: 949 Member Member Posts: 949 Member
    Years ago I had a close coworker who was very large, I'm guessing about 400lbs. When I noticed his weightloss he said he had already lost about 60 pounds. I was very surprised. To me it looked like 15-20lbs since my frame of reference was a normal BMI. He laughed and said you don't see me naked. Truth! Lol
  • mom23mangosmom23mangos Member Posts: 3,069 Member Member Posts: 3,069 Member
    emmies_123 wrote: »
    I have experience as the family member. My hubby lost 100 lbs over the course of a year, but the change was so gradual (aka healthy and maintainable) that he didn't really get comments until he lost around 50-75. Even I didn't notice the changes by sight. What I noticed first was a sudden realization that my arms could go farther around him when i hugged him at the waist.


    Keep at it, remember you are doing this for you, and it sounds like you are happy with your progress =)

    This is totally my measure of if my husband is losing weight! Because I see him everyday I can't tell visually.

    OP, you are doing great! If you are losing fairly evenly from everywhere it's going to be harder for people to tell. Especially for people who see you frequently. It's when you see someone you haven't seen in a long time, or like the poster above, someone uses the hug test, that people notice.
    edited April 2019
  • seltzermint555seltzermint555 Member Posts: 10,718 Member Member Posts: 10,718 Member
    funjen1972 wrote: »
    Years ago I had a close coworker who was very large, I'm guessing about 400lbs. When I noticed his weightloss he said he had already lost about 60 pounds. I was very surprised. To me it looked like 15-20lbs since my frame of reference was a normal BMI. He laughed and said you don't see me naked. Truth! Lol

    That does make sense. In losing over 130 lb, I've had a lot of people think I'm exaggerating or lying about the amount I have lost. Because I never looked "that big" in their minds. I'm pretty tall and always dressed to my proportions, so I was just plus-sized to them and I wasn't riding on a motorized cart and I didn't even have a double chin. So it makes no sense to these people. They don't understand that going from around 300 to 170 is indeed 130 lb of loss. I think because these women are at 140-150 for example...they assume I weighed 230 and now weigh 170 which is 60 lb. I get it, but it's kind of funny.
    edited April 2019
  • 88olds88olds Member Posts: 3,950 Member Member Posts: 3,950 Member
    You don’t know they haven’t noticed. You just know they haven’t said anything.

    Just my view- weight loss is a solitary pursuit. The idea that folks in your life are going to support you is mostly weight loss fiction. Stick with it, you’ll see.

    Maybe we should do a poll of how many first comments were something like “Gee, you’ve lost weight. You’ll be too skinny if you lose more.” I’m firmly in the less said the better camp.
  • GhostofachanceGhostofachance Member Posts: 216 Member Member Posts: 216 Member
    I am certain there are many people who have noticed a change but for the reasons described by other posters (consider it rude, not sure if you're doing it intentionally) have chosen not to say anything. That being said, I understand wanting a little external validation; it is nice to hear someone noticed - I hope someone tells you soon!
  • cwolfman13cwolfman13 Member Posts: 39,582 Member Member Posts: 39,582 Member
    akern1987 wrote: »
    This is a question for people who (like me) have a lot to lose (like over 100 a lot to lose). I've started and re-started and re-started my weight loss over and over and over for years. At the beginning of this year (2019) I started fresh again at the highest I had ever been; and as of today I am 25 pounds down! I'm excited about it, and I am already feeling better, and have a lot of confidence around what I've been doing (essentially just eating cleaner, moving more and I have incorporated intermittent fasting as part of my routine)....however, it feels a little defeating that I'm nearly to a 30 pound loss and no one in my life has noticed any change at all....I'm sure that's normal at my weight, but I was wondering if anyone else has ever felt what I'm feeling? I know external validation isn't what it's about, it's about my journey to health, but it's a little tough to stay motivated when my progress feels so insignificant.

    The more weight you have to lose, the more weight you have to lose to be noticeable.

    Beyond that, a lot of people (I'd say most) aren't going to talk about your weight...it's a bit of a taboo subject and there are plenty of people who take a comment like, "hey you look great, have you lost weight?" to mean, "wow...you used to look like a big fat piece of *kitten*." Even on these boards, there are numerous posts about people not wanting other people to comment because they don't take a compliment for what it is.

    I'd also add that people who see you everyday are much less likely to notice changes since they are subtle and slow. Most comments I ever got were in regards to my fitness and how I was really getting into exercise. I only had 2 people actually comment on my weight one was someone I hadn't seen in over a year and the other was someone I hadn't seen in at least 6 months.
  • ecmorgan101ecmorgan101 Member Posts: 24 Member Member Posts: 24 Member
    I've lost about 35, down from right at 300.

    A few people have noticed, but I think it has to WHERE the weight is falling off. In my case. I've not lost much in the gut (it's only starting to come off there), so the couple of comments I've received have been about my pants not quite looking right.
  • deputy_randolphdeputy_randolph Member Posts: 942 Member Member Posts: 942 Member
    It is rude to comment on people's weight (as a general rule). If someone brings up her weight loss, I'll confirm that I've noticed; otherwise, I just mind my own business (weight is a super sensitive topic for people for a variety of reasons).
    edited April 2019
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