When the work finally starts to pay off....but no one notices
akern1987
Posts: 288 Member
This is a question for people who (like me) have a lot to lose (like over 100 a lot to lose). I've started and re-started and re-started my weight loss over and over and over for years. At the beginning of this year (2019) I started fresh again at the highest I had ever been; and as of today I am 25 pounds down! I'm excited about it, and I am already feeling better, and have a lot of confidence around what I've been doing (essentially just eating cleaner, moving more and I have incorporated intermittent fasting as part of my routine)....however, it feels a little defeating that I'm nearly to a 30 pound loss and no one in my life has noticed any change at all....I'm sure that's normal at my weight, but I was wondering if anyone else has ever felt what I'm feeling? I know external validation isn't what it's about, it's about my journey to health, but it's a little tough to stay motivated when my progress feels so insignificant.
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Congrats on the weight loss!
I think this is fairly normal. I have a significant amount to lose, as well. I am down about 15lbs and even I can't really notice a change visually. My shirts and pants are a little less tight, though, and I feel better so that is keeping me motivated.
It may also be that these are people who see you every day. It is harder to notice the changes when they see youslowly change over time.
Keep up the great work!4 -
Some people find that commenting on weight is considered rude, whether it be gaining or losing.18
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I think its exactly like what Ldenzel said.1
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Some people find that commenting on weight is considered rude, whether it be gaining or losing.
Yes, this. They can't know for sure if your loss is healthy or for health reasons. I had a coworker who said I was looking thin and then asked if it was okay to say that. Sometimes you just have to get all the validation from yourself. I don't even accept friend request on this site to practice it in a controlled environment, haha.2 -
I feel like I know what you are talking about, absolutely. When I hit my heaviest weight of 307 lb, I was extremely down about my weight for the first time ever (despite usually being around 250-270 lb since my late teens) and I set out to change things. I worked my tail off eating less and exercising more, and I lost 45 lb over the course of a few years. I felt SO much better and was excited to wear smaller sizes and so on. Only ONE person noticed...my mom!!! My husband at the time (now ex) said he really didn't see a difference. I didn't bring it up with anyone else and they didn't comment either.
Once I started using MFP, I lost a lot more weight (90 lb) more quickly and I got comments nonstop for two years. Honestly I still view my first 45 lb as my biggest victory and that's the weight that made (BY FAR) the biggest difference in the way I felt about my body. Hang in there! And remember you're ultimately doing this for you.
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I have experience as the family member. My hubby lost 100 lbs over the course of a year, but the change was so gradual (aka healthy and maintainable) that he didn't really get comments until he lost around 50-75. Even I didn't notice the changes by sight. What I noticed first was a sudden realization that my arms could go farther around him when i hugged him at the waist.
Keep at it, remember you are doing this for you, and it sounds like you are happy with your progress
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Thanks so much everyone! I appreciate all the positive comments and you all so right, I am doing this me!
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I remember when I got my very first comment. I had lost 35 pounds and someone at work asked me if I was losing weight on purpose! I realized then that people thought I was sick. Once I assured her that yes indeed it was on purpose the comments started to flow. Hang in there eventually they will figure it out but as @Ldenzel said some people consider it rude now to say anything.5
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As already stated, many people are apprehensive about making comments towards ones weight rather loss or a gain. Additionally the people that are closes to you and see you regularly tend not to see the change as well as those that see you seldomly.
Just be proud of your progress and keep on moving forward, the compliments and praises will come.
Congratulations on your success so far.0 -
Years ago I had a close coworker who was very large, I'm guessing about 400lbs. When I noticed his weightloss he said he had already lost about 60 pounds. I was very surprised. To me it looked like 15-20lbs since my frame of reference was a normal BMI. He laughed and said you don't see me naked. Truth! Lol2
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I agree with what others have said about people being apprehensive to comment. My best friend began her weight loss journey in May of 2017. We both have seasonal camps at the same campground and see the other seasonals every summer. She lost 55 pounds in a year and was excited for people to see how far she had come when the season startes last May. She was really disappointed when very few people commented. A few weeks later, one of the women in the campground came to me and asked if my friend was intentionally losing weight or sick. She wanted to compliment my friend but didn't want to if the weight loss was due to a medical condition. She said a few years back that she had complimented a lady on her weight loss only to have the person respond, "I have cancer. I didn't want to lose this much weight." She felt horrible and ever since then, she avoids saying anything unless she knows for sure. Once I told her it was intentional, word spread and she was getting compliments left and right. I will add that she has lost an additional 28 pounds since then and looks phenomenal.7
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emmies_123 wrote: »I have experience as the family member. My hubby lost 100 lbs over the course of a year, but the change was so gradual (aka healthy and maintainable) that he didn't really get comments until he lost around 50-75. Even I didn't notice the changes by sight. What I noticed first was a sudden realization that my arms could go farther around him when i hugged him at the waist.
Keep at it, remember you are doing this for you, and it sounds like you are happy with your progress
This is totally my measure of if my husband is losing weight! Because I see him everyday I can't tell visually.
OP, you are doing great! If you are losing fairly evenly from everywhere it's going to be harder for people to tell. Especially for people who see you frequently. It's when you see someone you haven't seen in a long time, or like the poster above, someone uses the hug test, that people notice.2 -
funjen1972 wrote: »Years ago I had a close coworker who was very large, I'm guessing about 400lbs. When I noticed his weightloss he said he had already lost about 60 pounds. I was very surprised. To me it looked like 15-20lbs since my frame of reference was a normal BMI. He laughed and said you don't see me naked. Truth! Lol
That does make sense. In losing over 130 lb, I've had a lot of people think I'm exaggerating or lying about the amount I have lost. Because I never looked "that big" in their minds. I'm pretty tall and always dressed to my proportions, so I was just plus-sized to them and I wasn't riding on a motorized cart and I didn't even have a double chin. So it makes no sense to these people. They don't understand that going from around 300 to 170 is indeed 130 lb of loss. I think because these women are at 140-150 for example...they assume I weighed 230 and now weigh 170 which is 60 lb. I get it, but it's kind of funny.2 -
You don’t know they haven’t noticed. You just know they haven’t said anything.
Just my view- weight loss is a solitary pursuit. The idea that folks in your life are going to support you is mostly weight loss fiction. Stick with it, you’ll see.
Maybe we should do a poll of how many first comments were something like “Gee, you’ve lost weight. You’ll be too skinny if you lose more.” I’m firmly in the less said the better camp.3 -
I am certain there are many people who have noticed a change but for the reasons described by other posters (consider it rude, not sure if you're doing it intentionally) have chosen not to say anything. That being said, I understand wanting a little external validation; it is nice to hear someone noticed - I hope someone tells you soon!0
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This is a question for people who (like me) have a lot to lose (like over 100 a lot to lose). I've started and re-started and re-started my weight loss over and over and over for years. At the beginning of this year (2019) I started fresh again at the highest I had ever been; and as of today I am 25 pounds down! I'm excited about it, and I am already feeling better, and have a lot of confidence around what I've been doing (essentially just eating cleaner, moving more and I have incorporated intermittent fasting as part of my routine)....however, it feels a little defeating that I'm nearly to a 30 pound loss and no one in my life has noticed any change at all....I'm sure that's normal at my weight, but I was wondering if anyone else has ever felt what I'm feeling? I know external validation isn't what it's about, it's about my journey to health, but it's a little tough to stay motivated when my progress feels so insignificant.
The more weight you have to lose, the more weight you have to lose to be noticeable.
Beyond that, a lot of people (I'd say most) aren't going to talk about your weight...it's a bit of a taboo subject and there are plenty of people who take a comment like, "hey you look great, have you lost weight?" to mean, "wow...you used to look like a big fat piece of *kitten*." Even on these boards, there are numerous posts about people not wanting other people to comment because they don't take a compliment for what it is.
I'd also add that people who see you everyday are much less likely to notice changes since they are subtle and slow. Most comments I ever got were in regards to my fitness and how I was really getting into exercise. I only had 2 people actually comment on my weight one was someone I hadn't seen in over a year and the other was someone I hadn't seen in at least 6 months.0 -
I've lost about 35, down from right at 300.
A few people have noticed, but I think it has to WHERE the weight is falling off. In my case. I've not lost much in the gut (it's only starting to come off there), so the couple of comments I've received have been about my pants not quite looking right.0 -
akern1987: I feel the total opposite. I had to/chose to lose weight because my diabetes was not doing well -- not totally out of control, but not good. I'm following the guidelines from my doctor and my nutritionist. One of my best friends noticed when I was down about 10 pounds (started at almost 260) and I told her I really don't want to focus on how I look, and she respects that. We talk about how I feel and how I am eating. She wants to lose some weight, too, for health reasons, so we focus on helping each other.
I am now down over 45 pounds. People at church (that's who I see most often in choir and fellowship) tell me I'm looking great and other such compliments. I hate that. I looked awful before??? Thanks a lot! I'm trying to deal with it by just simply and sincerely saying "thank you" and not engaging on the appearance/weight thing AT ALL. They mention my clothing a lot - like it's pretty (it is and always was) - and is this dress or top new (but it's not), so I just say I'm weeding my wardrobe (which is very true and not based on my weight) so they'll be seeing lots of new-to-them things. I hope that helps me be strong and avoid frustration.
I am just so afraid I'll fall into the trap of smugness or complacency I've been in before. When I've lost weight in the past, people's compliments on my appearance torpedoed my weight loss journey. I even had a very good friend say she was proud of me -- and for some reason it bugged me -- I did the work, *I* should be proud.
The other thing that I hope helps me, and others, too, is what my nutritionist calls "non-scale victories" -- I feel so much better and have so much more energy than before. My diabetes is hugely better. My joints, especially knees, don't hurt as much or as often as before. All of those positive outcomes are much more important to me than looking thinner and fitting society's image of what looks good.5 -
It is rude to comment on people's weight (as a general rule). If someone brings up her weight loss, I'll confirm that I've noticed; otherwise, I just mind my own business (weight is a super sensitive topic for people for a variety of reasons).1
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I didn’t read the other posts but I would never bring up weight loss unless it was my absolute best friend. I don’t feel like acknowledging body shape is really appropriate? Just my thought.1
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I've already posted on this thread a couple of times, but just wanted to chime in that some people are afraid to comment because it can be offensive, or they have had bad experiences with it in the past. I know a couple of years ago I told a coworker that he looked like he'd lost some weight and he seemed super uncomfortable with my comment. I wouldn't do that again.
When my ex husband was diagnosed with a thyroid condition, he had VERY rapidly lost about 70 lb (down from 350-ish) - of course he needed to lose weight - but not that way, as he'd lost a lot of muscle and felt really terrible. People would say to him, "You look great man! Finally taking care of yourself!" while actually, he was very sick and weak. He would tell them as much and they would feel awkward & embarrassed. In a way, I felt bad for them but mostly I felt bad for him!1 -
seltzermint555 wrote: »I've already posted on this thread a couple of times, but just wanted to chime in that some people are afraid to comment because it can be offensive, or they have had bad experiences with it in the past. I know a couple of years ago I told a coworker that he looked like he'd lost some weight and he seemed super uncomfortable with my comment. I wouldn't do that again.
When my ex husband was diagnosed with a thyroid condition, he had VERY rapidly lost about 70 lb (down from 350-ish) - of course he needed to lose weight - but not that way, as he'd lost a lot of muscle and felt really terrible. People would say to him, "You look great man! Finally taking care of yourself!" while actually, he was very sick and weak. He would tell them as much and they would feel awkward & embarrassed. In a way, I felt bad for them but mostly I felt bad for him!
This happened to me in college. I praised a friend endlessly when I saw her after summer break. Turns out she had developed terrible anorexia in France. And I had just applauded it. That whole year in the dorms was hard.
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I am about at the same point in my journey as you. Nobody has noticed. I just asked my husband before I hoped on the computer if he could see a difference. He said he sees me every day so he wouldn’t notice the changes. Makes sense! I agree with a lot of the others, that people don’t like to talk about weight. It is a sensitive subject. Congrats on your journey so far!0
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I know external validation isn't what it's about, it's about my journey to health, but it's a little tough to stay motivated when my progress feels so insignificant.
Congrats on your 30 lb loss! Surely you have noticed changes in how your clothes fit, your measurements, and possibly even your progress pics. These are things needed to mesure your progress and help keep you motivated. Don't label your progress as insignificant just because others are not observant enough to notice or not comfortable commenting.
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