My boyfriend thinks I am fat

toptoptopsis
toptoptopsis Posts: 1 Member
edited December 20 in Introduce Yourself
My boyfriend thinks I am overweight and out of shape.

I am 5'4" and weight 163 lbs. He thinks I am fat and wants me to lose weight and get in better shape for our holiday activties.

I am not sure whether to be upset about or agree with him. It is true that I am not at my most ideal weight. My BMI is 28 and I am not as fit as I could be. I have to suck my stomach in if I want it to look flat and my butt is ridden with cellulite.

But I try eat healthy and have started to run (even though I can not make a full mile without having to stop)...

Replies

  • daydreams_of_pretty
    daydreams_of_pretty Posts: 506 Member
    I also agree that you should find a new boyfriend. It's understandable that you'd want to improve your eating and fitness so that you aren't getting winded when you're being active, but it's not okay for your partner to dictate how you look. What's he going to say if you have a baby or when you start aging? You're barely overweight by BMI standards (not that I'm saying that's a bad thing, but since that seems to matter to you), so it says a lot that he's commenting about your looks.
  • JohnnytotheB
    JohnnytotheB Posts: 361 Member
    edited April 2019
    It doesn't matter what you think (if he is correct or you think you are). The fact that he said it they way he said it is verbal abuse. That's grounds for dismissal.

    BTW, I saw your pic & you look terrific!
  • Daisy_Girl2019
    Daisy_Girl2019 Posts: 209 Member
    Find a new boyfriend. Don't waste your time with someone like that.
  • 2fast4ewe
    2fast4ewe Posts: 51 Member
    Well, if you get rid of HIM, you'll probably lose at-least 175 lb #justsaying.....
  • Diatonic12
    Diatonic12 Posts: 32,344 Member
    If it was meant to be he'd still have his love goggles on. He wouldn't be seeing you through any other lens but true love. I don't believe in the 'revenge body' thing. Get in your best possible shape so they'll come running back. Never let an old flame burn you twice. I'd give him his space and turn him loose. Free bird. You can have your space...cowboy.
  • jfowler97
    jfowler97 Posts: 32 Member
    Honestly there is a big difference between a partner showing genuine concern for your weight and trying to help you live a healthier life, and a dude who just wants you to be thin. If you think he just wants you to be thin, then in my opinion then he is not the guy for you. If a partner places a higher value on your outside appearance over your inner-health, then they're probably not the one <3
  • Fflpnari
    Fflpnari Posts: 975 Member
    What does you boyfriend weigh? <<lose that
  • dauchsmom
    dauchsmom Posts: 75 Member
    toptoptopsis wrote: »
    My boyfriend thinks I am overweight and out of shape.

    I am 5'4" and weight 163 lbs. He thinks I am fat and wants me to lose weight and get in better shape for our holiday activities.

    I am not sure whether to be upset about or agree with him. It is true that I am not at my most ideal weight. My BMI is 28 and I am not as fit as I could be. I have to suck my stomach in if I want it to look flat and my butt is ridden with cellulite.

    But I try to eat healthily and have started to run (even though I can not make a full mile without having to stop)...

    Your BMI puts you well UNDER morbidly obese, aka FAT. Getting fit is far different though. I agree, it's important but you can exercise your *kitten* off and the cellulite will still remain. Work your way up to the full mile run by going as far as you can and walking the remainder, adding a little more running stride until you're up the running the full mile.

    A little at a time, kiddo.

    By the way, tell the boyfriend that if he's all that concerned he needs to buy you a gym membership instead of calling you fat.
  • ultra_violets
    ultra_violets Posts: 202 Member
    He better be a friggin oil painting if he's making comments about how you look. Dump him. He's negative, he's toxic, he's controlling and abusive. He's tearing you down when he should be building you up.
  • RedSharingan05
    RedSharingan05 Posts: 1 Member
    Oh no! You get healthy for you, but don't let someone try to define you based on your body. You know, it's one thing to encourage someone to have a healthier lifestyle, but it's hurtful if they put you down or make you feel badly about yourself. Also, most girls have cellulite so don't let that bother you. You're human. I think you look great! But I will say, since I do hear a slight echo of you doubting yourself, you're one day closer to the future. The steps you take today will show. Stay positive. I don't know your boyfriend and I don't know how long you've been together or how you feel about him, but listen to your gut. Tell him how you feel. See if this helps the situation. He may not have realized he was being insensitive. But if he turns out to be a jerk and doesn't care for your feelings or gets defensive then it's time to walk. I know that sounds hard. But take care of yourself <3
  • Myki3012
    Myki3012 Posts: 152 Member
    You mean your ex-boyfriend.
  • marekdds
    marekdds Posts: 2,233 Member
    Dump him, nobody needs that. Get healthy for you.
  • talkinghead86
    talkinghead86 Posts: 66 Member
    edited April 2019
    Myki3012 wrote: »
    You mean your ex-boyfriend.

    It depends on the relationship one has with their partner. If you're like close friends and you're really open and tell each other everything (ie. the possibility of bringing someone else into the bedroom), I don't think it's a necessarily bad thing. If she told me or made it clear (witnessing me eating too much, ie.) that she felt I needed to get to a healthier weight (and I definitely do), maybe what came off as criticism was really coming from a loving, encouraging place (ie. you need to be mindful with how much/what you consume) -- since being in shape prolongs lifespan = more time spent together...
  • stolimom2
    stolimom2 Posts: 3 Member
    Your boyfriend isn’t very nice :( though we all could use a little help telling someone they are fat is NEVER an option. That is grounds to be Smithers with ones owns pillow. You are beautiful!
  • MissCM1983
    MissCM1983 Posts: 10 Member
    time for a new boyfriend :)
  • ekc1961
    ekc1961 Posts: 4 Member
    edited April 2019
    While I hear the feedback and it's easy to want to agree, your post doesn't articulate how he told you this etc... - I have another view you could consider. He is with you regardless of him thinking you are fat. Does he love you? Perhaps he's trying to help by being truthful. Do you think you are overweight with a 28 BMI? I'm at the same height and weight as you and I believe I am overweight and not healthy and I feel fat and out of shape. When I was at 30 BMI - the charts called me obese. We may not like the term "fat" but it is what it is. My husband and I about a month ago were brutally honest with each other about how fat we had become. He told me and I told him. Not in a tearing down way but very direct matter of fact way. I couldn't be offended nor could he because it was/is true. I finally woke up and and started doing something about it. A month later I'm down 17 lbs and motivated. He also is motivated. If he and I allowed each other to keep on that path we would be continuing to hide from ourselves and choosing not to deal with a long overdue issue. We didn't mock each other or say it in a shaming way. Only you can decide how you think he was communicating with you. But maybe it was a message you needed.
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