Co-Worker's Bizarre Reaction

Persian99
Persian99 Posts: 48 Member
edited October 1 in Health and Weight Loss
I was discussing weight loss and fitness with a co-worker who, like me, is quite a bit overweight. She and I have been talking about it for a while. She asked me how much I wanted to lose, and when I told her that at the moment my goal was to lose 90 lbs, she freaked out and said, "From where?? That is too much! Are you crazy?" I told her that I was at about 230 pounds, so even that much would only get me down to 140, which still seems high for my height (5'4"). She then told me that I seemed to carry it well, and maybe I had a big frame, etc. Neither I nor my doctor think that amount of loss is unreasonable, but she was hearing none of it. She is quite a bit larger than me and said, "I think you're crazy. If I only have to lose about 30 pounds, I don't know where you think you're going to lose 90 pounds from. You only need to lose like 15 or 20 pounds." I didn't want to be rude, but girlfriend has a lot more than 30 pounds to drop before being healthy.

This isn't the first time this week I've had a stupid conversation with someone about weight loss. A friend recommended I juice fast "for as long as you can stand it", and my dad has some of the strangest, old-school ideas about losing weight ("Go in a sauna every day and massage your thighs!").

I know it helps to have encouragement from others and be accountable, but I'm reaching a point where I don't want to talk about my weight loss goals or plans with anyone. How do you handle it? Do you talk about it? Do you keep your conversations to a minimum? Only discuss it with doctors/trainers/nutritionists?
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Replies

  • tladame
    tladame Posts: 465 Member
    Some people don't want to put in the work to lose weight themselves...and get intimidated when someone they know wants to lose weight. She obviously doesn't want you to get thinner and make her feel even worse about herself!
  • carrie1128
    carrie1128 Posts: 267 Member
    It sounds as if she's in denial and probably hasn't been on a scale in a while and she knows she bigger than you. Discussing numbers with people can be really annoying. Just do what you need to do for your body. Good luck!
  • sblair77
    sblair77 Posts: 355 Member
    Some people don't want to put in the work to lose weight themselves...and get intimidated when someone they know wants to lose weight. She obviously doesn't want you to get thinner and make her feel even worse about herself!
    I agree!

    You just stick to your plan and I wish you the best of luck!
  • PNWriter
    PNWriter Posts: 223 Member
    I usually talk about how I eat or what I eat instead of weight. Cuz I've been in your situation before. I have a friend who is at LEAST 400 pounds, and when I told her I had about 100 to lose, she was aghast and said her goal was to lose 50. I soooooooo wanted to say, "really? that's it?" but refrained.
  • greensnow
    greensnow Posts: 73
    I understand- people are always shocked when I tell them I need to lose another 30lbs (already lost about 20) but I'm still in the overweight bmi- and am by no means thin! Maybe try and see it as a compliment that you don't look as big as you are? Or maybe she's just jealous!!
  • Nanadena
    Nanadena Posts: 739 Member
    You make her nervous! If you lose then she will be the heavy one:flowerforyou:
  • dmpizza
    dmpizza Posts: 3,321 Member
    My Grandmother had a saying "No one will tell you to wash your face so you look better than they do".
    Odds are this woman had no idea how much she weighed and you scared her when you discussed real numbers.
  • barbiecat
    barbiecat Posts: 17,252 Member
    stop talking to other people......they are dream stealers........I love MFP because I have friends here who support and encourage me.........too many people in my face to face world have attacked my dream and given me no help in achieving my goal.

    I thought for years that all I needed to lose was 20 pounds and it wasn't until I lost 20 pounds and still looked like a blimp that I knew I had a lot more to lose.

    do not be discouraged....find a support group on MFP and talk to them every day:bigsmile: :bigsmile: :bigsmile: :bigsmile: :bigsmile:
  • moushtie
    moushtie Posts: 371 Member
    I don't tend to discuss it except with people I'm comfortable with. When asked how much I want to lose, I simply say, "a pound or two a week for as long as I need to."

    I know I've had a not-so-healthy attitude to food and weight in general in the past, and i've been given bad advice from very many well-meaning people. I try to avoid discussions where people are recommending I try some diet, or even "eat more of this, don't eat that". I have had enough of my own issues with food without other people piling their own on top.
  • 2Bgoddess
    2Bgoddess Posts: 1,096 Member
    OP made me laugh. I don't tell people how much i want to lose anymore. they all react the same way. I say my goal is to feel good, so when i do, i will maintain.

    (cuz I have about 80 pounds to go to get to 160, and everyone says "no way". um, yes way. and 160 prolly won't be low enough either.)
  • PNWriter
    PNWriter Posts: 223 Member
    I don't tend to discuss it except with people I'm comfortable with. When asked how much I want to lose, I simply say, "a pound or two a week for as long as I need to."

    I like this :)
  • Persian99
    Persian99 Posts: 48 Member
    I don't tend to discuss it except with people I'm comfortable with. When asked how much I want to lose, I simply say, "a pound or two a week for as long as I need to."

    That's a good line, thanks.
  • zeeeb
    zeeeb Posts: 805 Member
    i don't get into the discussion with people who aren't helpful, sensible, logical, supportive.

    my dad keeps telling me to not go "too overboard". but well i'm not even at my pre-pregnancy weight yet. so i just don't listen. i won't stop until i'm satisfied. i'm no psycho, i'm never going to be a supermodel, i'm short and chubby, and am happy with that, but i just dont' want to be FAT.. a few curves and a bit of chub is ok, but not rolls, it's that simple.

    i don't care what anyone thinks, i know my partner is honest with me, and he's the one who sees me naked. anyone else, can take unwanted advice and stick it.
  • bonjour24
    bonjour24 Posts: 1,119 Member
    yeah, don't say anything. just quietly go about your business. then in a few months everyone will be saying 'wow, you've lost weight. how?' then you give your answer. at least that's what happened to me. and my only reply is 'i run now'. people don't want to hear about how hard it is or how committed you have to be. people want to think it slides off without any effort at all.
  • audgee
    audgee Posts: 1 Member
    Weight loss is a very uncomfortable conversation topic for most people. I have learned to avoid telling others how much weight I want to lose or have lost and to just focus on making healthy choices. Once you have adopted healthy habits such as eating well and excercising regularly plus tracking daily, weight loss follows. I struggle at times to stay positive and look for encouragement from others. It can be very discouraging to get negative feedback when searching for support. I think a lot of the time when co-workers, friends and family members notice that you are making an effort to become healthy, it makes them aware that they too should adopt healthy habits which makes them feel guilty, resulting in them making comments about how crazy you are to want to accomplish what you know is a very realistic goal. Do not let them sabatoge your efforts! Simply tell them that you have a goal to lead a healthy lifestyle and you would appreciate their support. If they can't give it to you, find others that can! Good luck!!!
  • Izable2011
    Izable2011 Posts: 755 Member
    So far I have had pretty good responses from most people that I talk to about it. I was talking about my weight loss with a certain person one day and that certain person was getting annoyed at how excited I was about it so I quit talking about it to that certain person. Who cares what they think. Be happy with yourself for what a great achievement you are doing for your body. :flowerforyou:
  • Izable2011
    Izable2011 Posts: 755 Member
    Sometimes I've noticed that certain people don't want to talk about my weight loss at all with me. I guess they think I'm being egotistical. Personally I feel that I am just excited about it and should be. I don't brag about it. I would be happy if someone I knew was taking better care of their body and would let them know. :happy:
  • medoria
    medoria Posts: 673 Member
    Some people don't want to put in the work to lose weight themselves...and get intimidated when someone they know wants to lose weight. She obviously doesn't want you to get thinner and make her feel even worse about herself!

    What she said.
  • Leslietheriot
    Leslietheriot Posts: 303 Member
    Don't listen to other people's opinions. YOURS is the only one that counts!!!! I don't discuss what I am doing with other people as they tend to try to ruin it. I learned that when I quit smoking. Everyone that knew had to keep bringing it up and making it harder than it should have been. Same with my weight loss. The people that I have discussed it with are people that are close to me and they have still tried to make it hard for me. Now I see that the only person that I need to "discuss" it with is me in the mirror...cuz nobody loves me like me!
  • SabrinaJL
    SabrinaJL Posts: 1,579 Member
    I get it. When I started this, I was talking to a friend about it. I said I was tired of being fat. She said that I wasn't fat. I told her considering I need to lose 100 lbs, yes, I am. She said, "So? I need to lose about the same." I SOOOO had to bite my tongue because I almost said, "Yes, we're both fat." I didn't think that would go over well.

    I pretty much stopped talking to her about weight loss. She doesn't seem too interested in discussing it. Which I find kinda odd because she is doing weight watchers and started c25k. I thought we could totally support each other, but it hasn't turned out that way.
  • MzBug
    MzBug Posts: 2,173 Member
    Any more I just stay deliberately vague on goals and details of my journey. Too many not so veiled backhanded comments, false encouragement and eye rolls from those around me. Those that are genuinely interested, I will answer their questions, but I don't start the conversation. Unless someone is ready to lose weight, talking to them is like talking to the wall....at least the wall doesn't roll their eyes.
  • niste_ketlin
    niste_ketlin Posts: 73
    I'm kind of in the same situation.. Everyone thinks if I lose the 77 pounds that I will be too thin and the wind will blow me away.. They say it will be unhealthy. And then on the polar opposite I have one friend who said I should get down to 115lbs.. Which would be like a 102lb total loss, almost half of my start weight!!.... Which is a lot more than I had anticipated losing in the first place. Now I'm at a loss, and IMO the entire situation is very demotivating, and even taking away from my happiness in the fact I haven't weighed this little in Ages. I don't know what to do Anymore.
  • FaithsVegWorkout
    FaithsVegWorkout Posts: 471
    I don't discuss it with people I'm not comfortable discussing it with, but to be honest, I'm a mouthy enough person that if someone decided to give me their two cents, I'd give them my two dollars if you catch my drift.
  • Pebble321
    Pebble321 Posts: 6,423 Member
    I don't talk about the details with people. If they comment that I've lost weight I tell that I've been working at it, that I'm eating less and that I've taken up running. Usually they get distracted by the running comment as that is a very surprising thing for me to do!
  • CountandBaxter
    CountandBaxter Posts: 31 Member
    stop talking to other people......they are dream stealers........I love MFP because I have friends here who support and encourage me.........too many people in my face to face world have attacked my dream and given me no help in achieving my goal.

    I agree with this. It wasn't until I look the way I do now that they were asking me about what I was doing- I say MFP and watching what I eat.

    and when I get compliments- I say "thank you. I've been working hard at it"

    and I agree with not talking to people in real life unless they start the conversation and are genuinely interested- not just any acquaintance.
  • tyrownp
    tyrownp Posts: 13
    You will find that talking to someone that needs to lose weight while your actually going through the process of losing weight is a bad idea. People who need to lose weight don't want to hear about your weight loss plans or goals because they haven't reached that point mentally where they are ready to change, best thing you can do is just do like most have said and just stick to the plan and only talk about it with people who have genuine interest in what and how your doing it. When your able to talk about it with people like the ones on here, man its really inspiring, and motivating!
  • christine24t
    christine24t Posts: 6,063 Member
    I don't talk about it with anyone unless we're like best friends. It's just awkward and uncomfortable. I think the reason your coworker reacted how she did is that maybe she thinks you're already great and she would kill to look like you? I ideally would love to get down to about 150, which is still 20 lbs away, but if I told people that, I know they would think I'm crazy.
  • nursenelson
    nursenelson Posts: 295
    I usually talk about how I eat or what I eat instead of weight. Cuz I've been in your situation before. I have a friend who is at LEAST 400 pounds, and when I told her I had about 100 to lose, she was aghast and said her goal was to lose 50. I soooooooo wanted to say, "really? that's it?" but refrained.

    oh wow..... D.E.N.I.A.L
  • freeloaves
    freeloaves Posts: 281
    I try avoid discussing with my workmate. He thinks he knows all about healthy eating - and I reckon he does, but does he apply it? Nope. He is probably 300lb AT LEAST and will eat 2 burgers for lunch. Or 2 packs of sushi. And will tut at me when I go off the rails a bit or am eating something I deem healthy (i.e. a salad) but that has something a little less healthy in it (load of feta lol - just an example).

    It's like "ARGH! Don't preach what you don't practice!"
  • iheartyarn
    iheartyarn Posts: 141 Member
    i also don't think people know what 15,20,50, or 100 lbs looks like off a body. she may have thought 50lbs looked like 100lbs so to her 90lbs seemed like a LOT.

    i think there is some really great advice here though
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