Derby weight / my weight

Hello,
I am finally posting after being on/ off here.

I was reaching my goals for my weight. Counting calories, only eating so many a day and working out each work day for over 45 min. I had lost almost 40 lbs and felt amazing. So amazing in fact i felt secure enough to join roller derby. I thought this would improve my weight loss. However my workout habits drastically changed for the routines. I went down to two to three workouts for almost 2 hours (depending on the drills). I started to see the numbers go up on the scales, but everyone said it was muscle.
I think the huge change in the social life was a factor too. I was counting less and less and going out more with my new friends.
I am now up 10lbs... I don't think its muscle as my belly is back and I seem to want to cry again at the loss of what I had worked so hard for.

So.. I am back on the bus. Ive been asked to be in a wedding in 2013.
I am going to try and stick with derby but start my counting again. Cut back on my intake again, and work out on top of my derby practices.
I could use the support as people tell me i look fine, but I feel huge. - My thighs look huge and I doesn't look like muscle.
I am starting to hate myself again. I don't want that.