Perfectionist
cheyeneinthesprings
Posts: 46 Member
Every time I have an off day, eat over my calories, or can’t figure out the calories in a meal...I want to quit....and sometimes I do. I’ve downloaded and deleted this app about 100 times.
What are some of the strategies you all use to continue on?
What are some of the strategies you all use to continue on?
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Replies
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Knowing that even if you're in the red, you still may be in a deficit. Say you set yourself up to lose one pound per week which is a deficit if 500 calories per day. If you go over your calorie goal by 300 calories, it doesn't mean you won't lose any weight at all; you're just in less of a deficit for the day.
Do you beat yourself up for being in the green by 300 calories? I bet that feels like an accomplishment and you feel that you've succeeded by eating under your goal. However you're supposed to try and eat as close to your goal as possible. Some days you'll be under, some you'll be over and it will balance out.
Estimating meals are going to happen too. Just take your best guess and move forward. It's only one day out of several; it's what you do long term that counts. Besides, moving forward after that one day of estimating is far better than quitting and restarting several times without ever losing the weight you want to lose. In the end, you have to want to do this for yourself and accept that perfection isn't possible; there will be both successes and setbacks.12 -
I feel like quitting every day until I try on my clothes and it feels so wonderful fitting in them. I want to just eat whatever I want when I want but not possible, I have to have discipline, dirn it!4
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Knowing that it took time to get to a point of needing to lose weight, and understanding it'll take time to fix it, too. And since it's a long haul kind of thing, a day here and there doesn't matter, it's the long term trend.3
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Now that you've got it downloaded, don't delete it!
Treat each morning as a new start.
Treat each evenings' bed time as a sprint to the finish, or whatever else floats your boat.
You are not responsible for your dreams.2 -
It’s persistence, not perfection, that will produce results.19
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Change your view perfection.
I found that focusing on the logging, yes I logged everything today to the best of my ability helped even if things went awry.
Instead of focusing on the imperfection of over shooting your calorie goal, or not having quite the right entry.
Change is slow, try to stick with it this time.
Cheers, h.6 -
cheyeneinthesprings wrote: »Every time I have an off day, eat over my calories, or can’t figure out the calories in a meal...I want to quit....and sometimes I do. I’ve downloaded and deleted this app about 100 times.
What are some of the strategies you all use to continue on?
I have to constantly remind myself that it is consistency. Not perfection, that matters. A "bad" day is not a big deal unless I make it so by turning one bad day into 5 or 10 (or more) "bad" days. This said, it took me awhile to get to this very important perspective.9 -
All good advice. Thank you. I’ll just lg no matter what.6
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I can be a perfectionist and I totally understand the desire to quit
Here are my strategies that help me
Strategy 1: Set Gentle Goals
My goals are - show up at the gym and do something
Eat healthy foods
Love myself every day no matter what
With goals like that whether i eat over my calories for the day or not, it doesn’t emotionally effect me, I didn’t feel like I failed at anything so I feel no need to quit
I find when I’m gentle with myself I workout harder, eat healthier and get better results
Strategy 2: Acceptance
I usually want to quit when I haven’t accepted where I’m at. My weight. How I look. For a while I was in denial about my weight gain and I wanted to jump to the end result without doing all the work. Looking for quick fixes
But when I started accepting where I was at and started loving myself just as I am today, I am empowered!
I am no longer judging myself
And I don’t feel like I need to rush to look different
I can commit to doing this long term
And when that’s on my mind I’m not worried about a number in an app
Don’t give a number that much power over your life
Important note: maybe you’re overeating certain types of foods because your body needs the nutrients or is deficient in some minerals. Feed your body healthy yummy food. Take care of yourself
I always remind myself - I’m in this for the long haul. I want a healthier life. And so there is no finish line. I’m going to have ups and downs. But I’m never going to stop trying. I will always keep giving myself chances. I am worth at least that
We all are
I believe in you
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cheyeneinthesprings wrote: »Every time I have an off day, eat over my calories, or can’t figure out the calories in a meal...I want to quit....and sometimes I do. I’ve downloaded and deleted this app about 100 times.
What are some of the strategies you all use to continue on?
By thinking in terms of months and years, not days and weeks. Back when I started this whole process I needed to lose the extra weight to stop prediabetes from progressing to type2. Seeing the affects of this disease with various other family members cemented it in my head that I wasn't going to fail at this, no matter what.
I've had lots of challenges and triumphs along the way, and I'm now 7 years into the process and 6 years into maintaining the weight loss and normalized health markers. I pay attention to the day-to-day nuts and bolts, but I keep my focus on the big picture, which should be 40+ more years for me.
Stop focusing on days and start focusing on where you'll be a year from now, 5 years from now, 20 years from now. It gives you perspective and keeps your head in the right place
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Yea, I think another problem I have is that I get frustrated because the weight doesn't come off super fast...I must get used to the loooong sloooow process...4
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cheyeneinthesprings wrote: »Every time I have an off day, eat over my calories, or can’t figure out the calories in a meal...I want to quit....and sometimes I do. I’ve downloaded and deleted this app about 100 times.
What are some of the strategies you all use to continue on?
The all or nothing "perfection" mentality is pretty much always going to lead to failure...you can't let perfect be the enemy of good or good enough. I'm a big picture thinker which is something that really helps me in my job since I'm usually looking at things in the now, but also 1, 2, and 3 years or more into the future. It's the same with diet and exercise...I don't look at a singular day as being of any particular relevance to the bigger picture. What is happening most of the time is what is important.
Weight loss is a slow process...you have to think in terms of months and years...not just today or a few days or a couple of weeks. You also need to develop habits and have a plan for maintenance. The weight loss process isn't the real race...it's just prepping you for the starting line that is maintaining a healthy weight and lifestyle. Six years maintenance for me.3 -
It sounds like you need to change your definition of "perfect." You've set a goal, which is to lose weight. You might or might not succeed at that goal. If you do? Great! You succeeded perfectly. If you stop trying to achieve your goal? Boom, you just failed. You've traded a decent chance at success for a 0 chance of success.
That doesn't sound all that perfect to me. All you've done is stopped when it got difficult, which 100% of people can do.1 -
For me I had to change my goals toward the process instead of the results. Logging is more important to me than accuracy. The results have come after setting consistent habits. When over calories for the day I look at the weekly calorie stats to have a better view on what the impact is instead of feeling defeated that day. Podcasts have helped me mentally stay on track.2
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emmamcgarity wrote: »For me I had to change my goals toward the process instead of the results. Logging is more important to me than accuracy. The results have come after setting consistent habits. When over calories for the day I look at the weekly calorie stats to have a better view on what the impact is instead of feeling defeated that day. Podcasts have helped me mentally stay on track.
Can you tell me some of the podcasts that you listen to? I love podcasts and I listen to them while I walk. I already listen to "Half Size Me" and "Primal Potential." I love both of those...oh and Phit to Phat.0 -
Larissa_NY wrote: »It sounds like you need to change your definition of "perfect." You've set a goal, which is to lose weight. You might or might not succeed at that goal. If you do? Great! You succeeded perfectly. If you stop trying to achieve your goal? Boom, you just failed. You've traded a decent chance at success for a 0 chance of success.
That doesn't sound all that perfect to me. All you've done is stopped when it got difficult, which 100% of people can do.
This is helpful too...there's no way to see trends or data or even know what's going on if I quit every time things get difficult. In fact...I ate 3 truffles today and my first thought was to just stop...but I logged them and I'm moving along.8 -
cheyeneinthesprings wrote: »emmamcgarity wrote: »For me I had to change my goals toward the process instead of the results. Logging is more important to me than accuracy. The results have come after setting consistent habits. When over calories for the day I look at the weekly calorie stats to have a better view on what the impact is instead of feeling defeated that day. Podcasts have helped me mentally stay on track.
Can you tell me some of the podcasts that you listen to? I love podcasts and I listen to them while I walk. I already listen to "Half Size Me" and "Primal Potential." I love both of those...oh and Phit to Phat.
I also listen to podcasts while I walk! I don't listen to health ones though, just ones that are interesting to make my walk more enjoyable. I really like "Radio Lab" - has a lot of random interesting topics, some science-related, but laid out in interesting stories. https://www.wnycstudios.org/shows/radiolab
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It's definitely frustrating, I know I've been through this before and it's why I'm back here again, starting over and re-learning better habits all over again. For my own self I'm learning I have to quit beating myself up over the failures or I'm just going to keep winding up in the same unhappy boat I'm in right now, or worse. So I guess right now I'm ... beating up my tendency to beat myself up? It makes sense in my head I swear lol.2
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cheyeneinthesprings wrote: »emmamcgarity wrote: »For me I had to change my goals toward the process instead of the results. Logging is more important to me than accuracy. The results have come after setting consistent habits. When over calories for the day I look at the weekly calorie stats to have a better view on what the impact is instead of feeling defeated that day. Podcasts have helped me mentally stay on track.
Can you tell me some of the podcasts that you listen to? I love podcasts and I listen to them while I walk. I already listen to "Half Size Me" and "Primal Potential." I love both of those...oh and Phit to Phat.
Half Size Me is amazing. I also like WhysAdvice (Fatdag). I’ve listened to Primal Potential as well. I liked it but it’s not a “regular” for me. Sometimes I’ll search for interviews from James Krieger, Lyle McDinald or Yoni Freedoff to sample some others then listen to a few episodes. I really like n=1 so far but they’ve only done a few episodes. Podcasts help keep my head in the right place. I’ll often all while listening to work in some gentle exercise too.1 -
I have the same problem. Three things that are helping me.
1. Practice makes permanent. I have had to shift my thinking from trying to achieve the perfect BMI to setting better habits.
2. Weight management is a skill that I am learning. For a long time the whole thing mystified me. It seemed magical but it isn't. It's science. That was a huge realization because now I can take my emotions out of it. It really does boil down to CICO. Logging is information gathering. That's all. I am gathering information to learn how my body works.
3. Try weekly tracking instead. If you can eat a little lower on some days, you can bank those calories for a treat. You can have your cake and eat it too if you plan for it.2 -
I read the “Success Stories” posts on MFP, especially the before and after photos. Some of these people have been working on weight loss for a year or more, and what they have accomplished is truly inspirational. They have all had their ups and downs but the one thing they have in common is they didn’t quit. And many eventually reached their goal weight. It made me realize that if I just stick with it and keep trying, it will work, regardless of whether I have have binge days.2
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I had to stop calorie counting. If I wasn't perfect with my "plan" then I went into a tailspin. With my OCD, Anxiety, and Depression it was not healthy. I was having panic attacks and was in tears because I couldn't do it right.
So I am currently not counting until I get my mental health figured out. Right now my therapist wants me to work on my fear and anxiety when it comes to food so I am doing Intuitive Eating. Which gets a lot of negative comments on these boards, but it does help when it comes to disordered thinking about food, diet, and eating.4 -
I had to stop calorie counting. If I wasn't perfect with my "plan" then I went into a tailspin. With my OCD, Anxiety, and Depression it was not healthy. I was having panic attacks and was in tears because I couldn't do it right.
So I am currently not counting until I get my mental health figured out. Right now my therapist wants me to work on my fear and anxiety when it comes to food so I am doing Intuitive Eating. Which gets a lot of negative comments on these boards, but it does help when it comes to disordered thinking about food, diet, and eating.
I completely understand why you are doing this and it sounds like a good tool for your situation. It likely doesn’t work well for the broader community, but they are not in your unique situation.
Using measuring cups and spoons also generally get negative comments. And I agreee that weighing food is more accurate. But I choose to use volume measurements instead of weight to keep myself mentally in check. I am still losing weight consistently. But I’ll reevaluate my strategy if I stop losing. For me, I feel like I sometimes become obsessed with this weight loss journey and precision can be the thief of progress. For me, seeking accuracy to the gram makes me more obsessive.
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I have perfectionist and procrastinator tendencies. They go hand in hand. If I can't do something from start to finish, perfectly and quickly I don't start. It's been a huge problem in my life. My view of life has been fatalistic. I've had a very hard time accepting that I have a learning curve. If I try something (a hobby, recipe, diet, other goal) and I don't do it perfectly the first time, I scrap it. If it's material items I throw it away and all of the supplies I accumulated to accomplish it.
An example: I found a quilt I liked so I decided to make it. I bought quilting books, fabric, a long arm sewing machine, scissors, cutting mats, and many other tools for the job. I started cutting a sewing. I could't get it right. I threw everything away--including a Juki Long Arm quilting machine that was over $5000.00. I threw it onto the ground to ruin it and into the trash it went.
As far as cleaning, I don't spot clean anything ever. I deep clean every time. Everything comes out of every cabinet, closet, cubboard and it all gets cleaned. I even dismantle stuff to clean inside it. It takes me a week of 8-10 hours/day to properly clean my house. I do it quarterly.
I procrastinated starting this diet for about 5 years because I wanted all the weight off instantly. Here I am now, logging and weighing and measuring like the rest of the mere mortals. It feels like I'm such a failure. Twenty five pounds in two months doesn't seem like much. I still look the same, I still feel the same. I still wear the same size jeans...
I get perfectionism. It's a curse that I don't wish on anyone.3 -
Unless you COMMIT to an actual plan and realize that there will be some off days, you'll continue to want to quit. CONSISTENCY is a habitual behavior and takes time to learn a new one. So do it for 21 days straight with no screw ups and then reassess.cheyeneinthesprings wrote: »Every time I have an off day, eat over my calories, or can’t figure out the calories in a meal...I want to quit....and sometimes I do. I’ve downloaded and deleted this app about 100 times.
What are some of the strategies you all use to continue on?
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
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So yesterday I logged about 3,000 calories. I hated doing that but I did it anyway. Today I’m looking back at yesterday’s data and figuring out how I can make changes. I think this will be the data that helps me improve...and I can only reflect on data if there IS data.
So now the goal is to log, reflect, make changes....repeat.6 -
Unless you COMMIT to an actual plan and realize that there will be some off days, you'll continue to want to quit. CONSISTENCY is a habitual behavior and takes time to learn a new one. So do it for 21 days straight with no screw ups and then reassess.cheyeneinthesprings wrote: »Every time I have an off day, eat over my calories, or can’t figure out the calories in a meal...I want to quit....and sometimes I do. I’ve downloaded and deleted this app about 100 times.
What are some of the strategies you all use to continue on?
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
And I like what you are saying here too...I can do this for 21 days...I had to stop calorie counting. If I wasn't perfect with my "plan" then I went into a tailspin. With my OCD, Anxiety, and Depression it was not healthy. I was having panic attacks and was in tears because I couldn't do it right.
So I am currently not counting until I get my mental health figured out. Right now my therapist wants me to work on my fear and anxiety when it comes to food so I am doing Intuitive Eating. Which gets a lot of negative comments on these boards, but it does help when it comes to disordered thinking about food, diet, and eating.
And this approach may work for you too...as long as you are mindful. Maybe keep a paper journal or a google docs...0
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