Reaching out

browneyedbelle92
browneyedbelle92 Posts: 37 Member
edited May 2019 in Motivation and Support
I’m completely new to this site and I hope I’m not bothering people by posting but I just get so frustrated and confused with myself and it’s hard.

I’m just trying to move more eat less but not starve

I starved myself in the past and went from 85kg to 74 in the three months after a bad breakup. Then I met my partner and he helped me get better mentally. I continued dropping weight to 71 and I got to 83 from January to December after getting comfortable eating.

Then I went on a new antidepressant and slept all day every day didn’t eat that much and went to 91kg before my
Tonsillectomy surgery.

Now I weigh 88kg and I try really really hard to not check the scale and I would love some guidance.

Today I took my first rest day because my psychologist said I should because my back hurts.

But I walked 13, 932 steps today and I walk at last 20 minutes every day and try to get 10 000 steps.

It’s hard because I have ocd and I tend to become fixated on weight loss and my bmi is over its 34 and it says I’m obese.

The frustrating thing was I was at 71 or 74 which is much less than where I was but my bmi says I should be 68 or 50 something I haven’t been 60 something since I was 19 and 55 since high school.

I just really hope I’m not being a pain but being on here with people who understand is helpful because I struggle with either binging not eating or eating everything. Thanks for listening :)

Replies

  • cmriverside
    cmriverside Posts: 34,416 Member
    I say this kindly, because I used to be a worrier. It was my Super Power.

    It's possible your meds need to be adjusted if you can't get a grip on this anxiety.

    Have you tried meditation? How about Tapping?

    Tapping works great for me.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pAclBdj20ZU
  • browneyedbelle92
    browneyedbelle92 Posts: 37 Member
    cmriverside wrote: »
    I say this kindly, because I used to be a worrier. It was my Super Power.

    It's possible your meds need to be adjusted if you can't get a grip on this anxiety.

    Have you tried meditation? How about Tapping?

    Tapping works great for me.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pAclBdj20ZU

    I am finally on the right medication so I’m in therapy but I just feel sad that the only way I feel I could get to the 80 mark or under is to think about every single thing that goes in my mouth

    And the bmi as well I am building muscle currently I do the 30 day shred and before that I started the beginner shred and I’m getting stronger. My legs are quite hard at the back and I know I’m doing what I can.

    I just hate the bmi and the scales and because I’m on medication as well I’m just trying to be positive because the last 2 months were horrible and now my mentality is getting better but it’s just hard
  • cmriverside
    cmriverside Posts: 34,416 Member
    NOT thinking about what goes in my mouth caused me to be over-weight.

    It's not an unhealthy obsession to make changes to one's nutrition. I wouldn't obsess about a particular weight, though. Just learn to cook, buy good foods at the grocer and take it one day at a time.

    I've been logging food and weighing myself for over a decade. At first it felt obsessive because it was something I had to do and it was new but now it's just like brushing my teeth or making my bed. It's part of the routine and only takes a couple minutes per day.
  • browneyedbelle92
    browneyedbelle92 Posts: 37 Member
    cmriverside wrote: »
    I say this kindly, because I used to be a worrier. It was my Super Power.

    It's possible your meds need to be adjusted if you can't get a grip on this anxiety.

    Have you tried meditation? How about Tapping?

    Tapping works great for me.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pAclBdj20ZU

    I also think the tapping thing has been suggested to me before thank you for reminding me
  • browneyedbelle92
    browneyedbelle92 Posts: 37 Member
    cmriverside wrote: »
    NOT thinking about what goes in my mouth caused me to be over-weight.

    It's not an unhealthy obsession to make changes to one's nutrition. I wouldn't obsess about a particular weight, though. Just learn to cook, buy good foods at the grocer and take it one day at a time.

    I've been logging food and weighing myself for over a decade. At first it felt obsessive because it was something I had to do and it was new but now it's just like brushing my teeth or making my bed. It's part of the routine and only takes a couple minutes per day.

    I think I just get so overwhelmed my psychologist told me to focus on my fitness and try not to go overboard with it. She thinks it’s positive that I’m focussing on being healthy

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