Insecure significant others....

walldancer
walldancer Posts: 910
edited October 1 in Motivation and Support
I am single now..but I have experienced the spouse (an ex thank goodness), who made "joking" comments about my chub (right after babies were born..thanks for that *kitten*..lol), but when I lost the weight and got in shape..complained i was 'too skinny". I later realized that he LIKED it when I was fat because he felt more secure with me. He didn't want other men looking, and trying to hook up with me.

I am in the camp of "man/woman can't be taken unless they WANT to be". All the temptation in the world is to no avail if a person is happy at home and already getting what they need.

So..anyone else experienced this, or currently experiencing it?
It's suprisingly common..the "lose weight baby..oh wait..don't lose TOO much..."

Replies

  • springtrio
    springtrio Posts: 429 Member
    Here here. Welcome to the club.
  • Topsking2010
    Topsking2010 Posts: 2,245 Member
    My woman is a size 6 with long legs and I love it! Us men need to stop being insecure.


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  • Diary_Queen
    Diary_Queen Posts: 1,314 Member
    That is very common with men who are still babies in their minds..... it's a shame too. I once had a man, with whom I was living, tell me that if I looked like the singer Pink (back when she was flat as a pancake and all muscled up - she looks healthier now) that he would never want to cheat on me and sleep with other women but until then, he would 'take whatever he could get' from me or strangers or who knows?!?!?!?! Needless to say, it was very damaging to my already low self-esteem. He was a dork and kind of a low life jerk... not like he could have ever gotten a woman that looked like Pink anyways LMAO!
  • jacksonpt
    jacksonpt Posts: 10,413 Member
    My ex was like that towards the end of our marriage. I was out of shape and unhappy (for a variety of reasons). I burned off the negative energy by working out and lost ~40lbs over the course of a year or so. It just made things worse between us as she felt insecure/uncomfortable around me because of the shape I was in compared to her.
  • SpaceMarkus
    SpaceMarkus Posts: 651
    I am so lucky to have a SO that has joined me in my fitness journey. She's a fellow Beachbody Coach and certified in Turbo Kick, PiYo, and Hip Hop Hustle. We work together to make ourselves healthy.

    I definitely would not be able to stand someone that was negative or critical about my health.
  • catshark209
    catshark209 Posts: 1,133 Member
    When I was married to my babydaddy, I was very very thin. Because I looked so gross, he never gave me a bad time. After our son, I packed on ALOT of weight and he was happy because I was just another fat Mexican chick and he knew no one would look at me. Now, he says I'm too thin again and that men don't like a woman built like a ten year old boy. Now I don't give a **** because we're divorced, but its funny how he'll date heavier women just because he thinks men won't look at them. Ugh.
    My current partner is a fireman, and very very fit. He caught the fitness bug about a year ago and I felt a bit insecure cuz cmon...he has the hot fireman thing going...on top of that fit and tall dark and handsome. So I figured I'd join in and here I am. Our plan is to do a long long hike followed by a romantic dinner...two years ago, we'd of just ate and laid around.
  • bry_all01
    bry_all01 Posts: 3,100 Member
    I was told I was repulsively skinny. Nice. Thanks for that.
  • dddeans
    dddeans Posts: 29 Member
    They are ex's for a reason. Have 3 myself. Just keep trying for you and all will fall into place. I quit smoking 8 years ago and have not been able to get those pounds off. I said this is the year I would. Long way to go, but with support anything is possible.
  • adross3
    adross3 Posts: 606 Member
    There is a term in psychology that is called the hidden message. it is a displaced emotion projected on to another. It is a defense mechanism that protects. These critical child comments just need a nurturing empathic comment. Something like "I love you." Try this next time and see their response.
    If you're ok they are ok.
  • Unknown
    Unknown
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  • adross3
    adross3 Posts: 606 Member
    Yoda once said, if you follow a dark path it will consume you. Lol
  • adross3
    adross3 Posts: 606 Member
    RuN fast and far from ignorance. Take your time in getting.to know someone and find your equal. Go to my home page. I have a quote on a picture.
  • scarletleavy
    scarletleavy Posts: 841 Member
    Yup, I know this feeling all too well. I recently just broke up with my boyfriend and the insecurity issues was one the primary reasons. When we first started dating a little more than a year ago I still had all my extra "chub" from college and was generally pretty out of shape. I changed my diet and started working out and our relationship went slowly downhill. I lost about 15 pounds and was looking a whole lot better, but I think what really changed was my confidence level. Over a short period of time he got insanely jealous. He was jealous and insecure when I went on business travel, would call or text or Skype all the time everyday, would try to just "stop by" my house to say hello. It was ridiculous. He also tried to convince me to stop eating so healthy or made me feel bad about taking time to workout and not hang out with him. What a mess.
  • catshark209
    catshark209 Posts: 1,133 Member
    I was told I was repulsively skinny. Nice. Thanks for that.

    I get told that too.
  • candb
    candb Posts: 238
    I lost about 70 pounds before getting pregnant with my two children and I can't tell you how many times he'd tell me I was getting in shape for my boyfriend. I think now after the 2 kids he has realized I'm not going anywhere and he's being more supportive.

    ETA: I'm referring to my husband and no, never had, nor ever will have a boyfriend on the side.
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