Just started and scared

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rochelleruby
rochelleruby Posts: 8
in Health and Weight Loss
Hi there,

I'm 19 years old, 160 cm (5' 3") tall and I weigh 74 kg (163 lb). I NEED to lose 12 kg to have a healthy BMI, but I would LOVE to lose between 14 kg - 19 kg. I officially started my journey on Tuesday.

I've tried so many times to "eat healthy" but I always end up binging. This week I have been really good, although not overly strict just yet as I don't want to overwhelm myself.

What's different this time? I joined a 24 hour gym (payed for a full year!), bought proper shoes and clothing. I know I don't need all these things, but I am VERY stingy with money and not wanting to waste it will (hopefully) keep me motivated. I also love the environment of the gym. I'm trying to learn all I can about nutrition.

So why am I so scared? Binging is extremely comforting for me. I'm a very anxious person and eating a huge amount of hot chips, burgers, etc gives me a feeling of euphoria. I know it sounds stupid.

This week I've found a hot cup of tea and a snack size Kit Kat dipped in it does the trick. Limit of 1 a day only when I feel anxious. However this week hasn't exactly been overly stressful and I don't know if that will work on worse days.

Who else felt this way at the start? I'm just so scared about dealing with my anxiety another way, counting calories and going to the gym at least 5 days a week. Plus the most stupid thing? I'm scared about reaching my goal. How hard it's going to be, if I'm going to feel good when I get there, things like that.

Replies

  • jojoof4
    jojoof4 Posts: 120
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    I totally understand! I've been fighting my own demons for quite some time now. I'm scared that when I am at my goal, people will notice me more. Am I afraid of the extra attention? Do I like being unnoticed? I feel like every time I start out, I do really well and then sabotage my success by binging twice as much as I normally would. I honestly don't have any words of wisdom but just wanted you to know that you're not alone. There's been great success on these boards... hang in there and don't give up!! Good luck!
  • Kirsty_UK
    Kirsty_UK Posts: 964 Member
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    Welcome to mfp.

    Losing weight can be scary, but if you focus on one day/week at a time, it's easier than you think. Don't try and do it all at once, or beat yourself up if you have a bad day, or if you dont exercise much for a week, just make every week a better week than how your life was before, and every month and improvement on the last. If you make changes in the right way, they become habit and steadily the weight comes off and you get fitter.
  • kathunni
    kathunni Posts: 15
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    Hi, I think trying to find the routine for exercise and remembering to log your food is the hardest part! it only gets easier and there is a lot of support on here, I find that helps the most :) feel free to accept my friend request.
  • Sheeshy
    Sheeshy Posts: 133
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    This is a great place to get started! I have problems with emotional eating as well, but for one thing, knowing I'm going to have to log it helps me stop and think about wheter I really am hungry, and also, if you need to vent, get on here and vent! Everyone's very kind and encouraging!
  • danssmith
    danssmith Posts: 25
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    After a while I found my binges reduced in frequency and size. What now is a binge was once a normal day. Infact I think I have only gone above 2,000 calories half a dozen times since joining 3 months ago and before that most days were 3000+ calories.
    You are in the right place, doing the right thing.
  • kaitimae
    kaitimae Posts: 727 Member
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    Girl, it is so not stupid. There is an actual brain chemistry thing that happens when you binge, and that is why you get the euphoric feeling - it is not just you, and it is a real thing. If it is really overwhelming to take on all of this at once (as it was/is for me) my therapist taught me this: When you feel that you are going to or need to binge - binge on healthy food. Eat a few boxes of fruit. Eat a bag of carrots. Yes, bingeing is still not good for you - but you will get the same euphoric feeling without the calories of a junk food binge.

    Eventually, you will start to feel that euphoria elsewhere, though that is probably hard to believe right now. When you finish a run longer than you have done before. When you successfully track calories for a week. When you log in every day for 100 days. When you do an exercise you never thought you would be able to do.

    When you have a bad day (trust me, everyone here has them, none of us are perfect), pick yourself up and start again the next day - or, if you still have time left, for the rest of the day that started out badly.

    You can do this! I know you can. Find friends who will support you along the way - there are many awesome people here on MFP. And feel free to add me as a friend! I know exactly where you are coming from. =)
  • CassandraD82
    CassandraD82 Posts: 71 Member
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    Welcome Rochelle! I started at a similar place with an extra inch of height on me (5f 4) and at 70kg.

    Calorie tracking is extremely educational - and it gives you a new method to evaluate the food choices that you make. Don't worry too much about binging or feeling that by starting a MFP diary you are pledging to never ever binge again: bad days will happen and you will slip up and just feel like eating without tracking.

    My advice would be to just be honest with yourself after the fact and record your blow out meals. It's better to keep your diary accurate than only logging in on the days when you were under your calorie goal.

    Oh and try and get the really unhealthy stuff out of the kitchen (you need something sweet though, for when you crave something sweet) so when you do feel snacking you'll be eating too much of something somewhat nutritious :)

    If you do lose weight you'll feel so good about yourself and your success ... even when others notice and ask if you've lost weight you'll be glad to say "yes!". And if you notice that strangers and the people around you treat you differently when you lose weight you can know that you're still the same person underneath it all.

    That's how I try and stay grounded anyway :) GL!
  • NyxDominique
    NyxDominique Posts: 271 Member
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    After a while I found my binges reduced in frequency and size. What now is a binge was once a normal day. Infact I think I have only gone above 2,000 calories half a dozen times since joining 3 months ago and before that most days were 3000+ calories.
    You are in the right place, doing the right thing.

    I completely agree with this.

    After having tried and failed several times. I noticed that what was 3000 calories dropped to 2000 calorie binges.

    That even when I tried to eat large portions my body would rebell because it had become used to the 1200 calories that it normally recieves. I would just be "not hungry" with a order of breadsticks and pasta still staring at me.
  • rodaviarocket
    rodaviarocket Posts: 14
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    my friend your in the right track coz me too im so upset to my body weight but with the help of excercise and support of the member of MFP members i lost wait focus to wait you started right and everything will follows :)
  • youngmum
    youngmum Posts: 114
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    All the above comments contain great advice. Only thing I'd add is that I've been noticing a similar feeling coming from exercise to that feeling you described coming from eating. I'm starting to crave my exercise now, and find it is a really good way to relieve some stress.
  • rochelleruby
    rochelleruby Posts: 8
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    Wow, I didn't expect so many replies! Thank you all so much. :)

    It's interesting to learn that there's actually a chemical reason why I feel so happy when I binge. Now I'm at the point where the regret afterwards just isn't worth it anymore! Unfortunately it's still very tempting. I like the idea of loading up on tons of fruit and when I feel I "have" to binge, I'll have a big fruit salad. Still not the best, but way better than 3 pizzas. I hope to someday get the same feeling from exercise/success!

    I think part of me might feel I don't "deserve" to have a nice body or maybe I don't want to get noticed. I'm not sure, I haven't really thought that much about it. Perhaps I should!

    Thanks again for all the advice!
  • jamja
    jamja Posts: 190
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    As described above the euphoric feeling you get with food binging is real. It happens while we're eating that pint of ice cream. But that usually is followed by guilt. That guilt is because the chemical response in your brain subsides and now you live with the consequences.

    But there is good news.

    Exercising actually makes the brain respond in the same way. So feeling good after a workout or run is the expected response. The euphoric feeling from exercising, unlike binging, is not short lived and extends throughout the day.

    Often times you will find that you can stick to your diet plan on days you workout...that's, in part, the chemical response in your brain.

    So choose how you want to get into that mode. I choose working out and I hope you will too.
  • cjw6
    cjw6 Posts: 94 Member
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    It definitely is a chemical thing- you are basically self medicating.
    Some people find that getting treatment for the underlying anxiety helps to reduce that urge to binge. That could take the form of medication or counselling. Might be worth seeing your doctor.
  • eldee3
    eldee3 Posts: 14 Member
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    Hi Rochelle, you are doing the right thing and taking care of yourself, be proud about that.

    Please remember that all the foods you binge on and give you that euphoric feeling are really manufactured by companies to be that way. They're supposed to be delicious and tempting and they contain chemicals that actually affect your brain in the same way drugs do.

    So don't be too hard on yourself. See the food for what it is. Knowing what you eat and knowing what's right for your body is the key here. Make your dietary choices intelligently and with knowledge.

    Your body needs the right nutrients to run. Learn about them and make your choices with love and respect for what you have and need.

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