Guilt, shame and worthlessness

I've been addicted to food since I was 11. Fortunately, my family didn't fat shame me, but we did have to "clean our plates" from an early age and that really messes with your ability to know when enough is enough. Kids in school made fun of me and acted like I was the fattest thing they'd ever seen. I felt like I must be the size of an elephant. But now, when I look back at pictures of myself from that time, I really wasn't that big. Early imprinting is hard to overcome but it's not impossible. You can do it.

I think it is something that can take a long time to overcome, even potentially therapy. And I mean that in a positive way - some things become so ingrained and tangled up that it's extremely difficult if not impossible to untangle them ourselves, you know? We have not only relatives but social media, TV and movies, friends and strangers...everyone tends to have an opinion on weight, and often a negative one. A lot of us have trouble with this, I think.

But if it helps for now, one thing to do, in relatives I have who have this who are getting help, has been trying to remind/contemplate what weight really means, whenever they start getting down on themselves for being 'fat' or fears of getting there. (literally every time, which can be a LOT in the beginning).

Rather than anything in the realm responding internally of 'no, I'm not fat.' (even if that may be completely true), instead, when that 'I'm so fat' or 'what if I get fat' thoughts start coming, the response was more:
So what?
Will gaining weight make me cruel? Will it make me hurt the people I love? Will it make me lose my job? Will it make me stop loving my family?

Because basically, the only thing gaining weight will do is change your shape. There IS no morality associated with it, no personality change it forces on you, you know? You'll still be you, just a different shape. Like dying your hair, or getting a haircut, too, because it's a change in shape that can always be changed back.

And like dying your hair, it says nothing about who you are as a person, you know? Dying my hair wouldn't change who I was, what I like, my moral compass, nothing. And neither does gaining weight.

And since gaining weight doesn't change those things...we don't have to give it that much worry in our thoughts.

Doesn't mean it's that easy, of course, because if it was, we'd have a lot easier time of getting over stuff like this. But it can be done, truly. There's folks that can help and therapy for eating and weight issues. :-)

...and yes, sometimes some of the therapy involves being able to see ourselves more accurately, if we are very thin and think we are fat, but that's another topic, you know?

Growing up i lived with a household of women, 2 sisters and my mum and even to this day my mum who is 70 is still fixated and glued to thise scales. Its imprinted in all of our brains..we are always on a "diet" i live a healthy lifestyle and i go to rhe gym whereas the rest of my family will diet and then eat and "lets start on monday" i too sometimes have that mentality which i hate. I wish i could always stop punishing myself, i wish i could stop being scared of carbs and i wish i could love myself for me abd be happy with the body i have..but growing up it was always about being thin and toned etc.. social media and the messages out there to other women are getting better as they are putting all sizes of women on adverts etc.. which is a start. But for me ..and im sure thousands of others, the damage has been done.