"rant alert" why do people think i should be starving?

msfazer
msfazer Posts: 17 Member
edited October 1 in Health and Weight Loss
Hi sorry this is a bit of a rant but I've been doing this since February and still my other half insists on telling me "you shouldn't eat that your on a diet" or "do you know that salad has 200cals that's a bit much isn't it?" Ffs he never commented when I weighed 205lb and ate whatever I wanted but now I'm not ment to eat at all.

He's morbidly obese and usually says this while eating a massive burger or chocolate bar. I've tried telling him im eating everything in moderation and trying to be healthier but he doesn't listen. It's driving me crazy.

Sorry for the moan but I was starving earlier so got a banana and he starts tellin me how snacking will just make me put back on. Add to this his mum telling me I will just gain it all back so why bother. I could just scream

Does anyone else have this problem?

Replies

  • rileysowner
    rileysowner Posts: 8,327 Member
    Thankfully, no I don't have this problem. Probably because my darling wife realizes I know a lot more about this than she does. She has actually come on board with the logging of her food. Sorry you have to face this.
  • ajbeans
    ajbeans Posts: 2,857 Member
    I have the opposite problem. I once complained that a meal I had just eaten had 600 calories, and my husband said, "That's not very much. What's the problem?" :laugh:

    I would just tell him that you are keeping track of your food, and you know how many calories you need and you're doing well. And as for his mother, I would tell her that you would appreciate her support, and if she can't support you and be positive, you'd rather she not mention your weight loss at all. She's being rude, and she knows it.
  • starwhisperer
    starwhisperer Posts: 367
    just start poking him in the belly when he is saying these things. Gently of course and while smiling sweetly. If he also needs to lose weight he is probably just trying to deflect from himself. It will either distract him... or making him realized without being told, that the whole man in a glass house thing applies.
  • bethrs
    bethrs Posts: 664 Member
    hmmm... I used to get frustrated with my husband, but he has realized that he can't say anything about food or weight to me. Nothing. I've learned he's right. Everyone's happier when he just shuts up about food and weight. Maybe that needs to be a new rule???
  • bookworm03
    bookworm03 Posts: 88 Member
    I get it from my parents. Thankfully they are only here visiting. They keep extending their trip and it may result in my asking them to leave. I can't imagine how annoying it would be if my husband did it.
  • pinkleah456
    pinkleah456 Posts: 34
    I have the opposite problem, my boyfriend is always trying to get me to eat more, which is frustrating and usually ends up with an argument :-(
  • brittanyjeanxo
    brittanyjeanxo Posts: 1,831 Member
    No offense, I don't mean to sound like I'm being mean to your SO, but uh...if he's morbidly obese he hardly seems like he knows about what the right way to lose weight is. I know how you feel though. My boyfriend's father is the same way. I eat more often now rather than eating a bunch at once, and he's always asking what I'm eating now.
  • Angelamu77
    Angelamu77 Posts: 39
    Have you tried having a heart to heart with your other half and explain that you need support but not the kind their giving.

    Good luck
  • GladImTall
    GladImTall Posts: 65 Member
    Quote: " The day you start caring about what you put in your body is the day I will start listening to what you have to say" end quote.

    You are doing what YOU need to be successful... KEEP it up!
  • JessG11
    JessG11 Posts: 345 Member
    This would be tough! Sorry you're having to deal with it because it's hard enough to change habits. I, thankfully, don't have to deal with it from my guy. I sometimes do from my mother. She's always been naturally thin and feels the need to tell me that I should probably eat this and not that, and I should do things this way and not that way. It's frustrating. Because at 30, I've struggled with my weight forever...and I"ve done so many things I feel like a semi expert in weight loss...hahaha....I know it's tough. But that's why I enjoy MFP so much....because regardless what happens at home, we still get support on here.

    But if he's obese, he is probably just trying to control what your doing so he doesn't have to face the fact he needs to be doing it as well. Just ask him to stop. Tell him you don't appreciate it and just explain to him how it makes you feel. Ask for support and motivation...as in just tell you you're doing a good job and if he can't say those words, then say nothing! Good Luck!
  • redfroggie
    redfroggie Posts: 591 Member
    Just let the scale do the talking for you. Smile and grit your teeth and then day by day, week by week they will see. Keep it up, you are doing so well!
  • lausa22
    lausa22 Posts: 467 Member
    I would totally be like 'Isn't that burger a bit too much? It has like 700 calories in it'.
    He's probably just jealous because you've pulled through and made yourself healthy and can actually eat in moderation :-)
  • jazzy020106
    jazzy020106 Posts: 485 Member
    Wow, I am so sorry for the lack of support you seem to have. =[ Actually, eating small portions more times throughout the day is supposed to help your metabolism and help you lose weight! Doesnt sound like either person you mentioned knows what they are talking about. Maybe go to the doctor with your husband and have your doctor explain to both of you about how to eat and lose weight. Then he will be on the same page as you and not give you so much grief everytime you put something in your mouth!

    I hope it gets better!
  • juliesummers
    juliesummers Posts: 738 Member
    Even if he's trying to be "supportive", I'd personally just be strong and honest with him and tell him "LOOK- I've been doing this my way and I've lost fifty(?) pounds. I'm doing this my way, and obviously I'm doing something right. Until you've lost more than tI have, you have no right to comment on what I'm eating."

    I wouldn't put up with his antagonism for a second.
  • Michelle_M2002
    Michelle_M2002 Posts: 301 Member
    Fortunately I didn't have this problem with my DH before he hopped on "The Health Train" with me.

    I think that part of your DH's problem, is that perhaps he knows that he should be eating healthier too, and that he needs to loose weight to.... so seeing YOU make changes makes him realize that HE needs to make changes, and that bothers him. So rather than do something about his own health, he is subconsciously trying to sabotage your efforts.

    I would simply tell him, "Thanks for your concern babe, but I've got this under control. I'm keeping track of what I eat and this is planned into my daily needs." And on the occasion that you do have an "off diet" treat (the occasional serving of ice cream, or the pasta meal that goes over your dinner calorie allowance, etc..) just say "It's my treat day. Once in a while it's fine."

    I would also sit down and have a heart to heart with him. Tell him that you're really trying to get healthier, and you feel like he's not being supportive. But in all honesty.. it really sounds like the issue he has is that he's feeling threatened by your success, and guilty that he's not doing anything to make himself better.

    I don't mean this to sound mean to him... but it's one of the possibilities.

    I would NOT point out "Oh yeah? Well what about that 700 calorie burger your eating?!?" That is just going to cause problems. Don't point out his faults. Simply point out your own solution to YOUR problems. It took my husband about 2 months to jump on board with me.. and that was AFTER I was down about 17 pounds. My DH saw MY success, and realized that if I could do it, so could he. We can't force our spouses and friends to get healthy. They have to be ready to do it.

    God bless!
  • KStephanie
    KStephanie Posts: 8
    I know exactly what you mean! I was at my parents' for a week and I feel like they asked about everything I ate. I don't tell anyone else I'm on a diet because I don't want to feel like everything I eat is being judged. People don't understand that you do still have to eat something and that moderation is a lot more sustainable long term
  • mitzilewis
    mitzilewis Posts: 2
    My husband is also overweight but he is not ready to do anything about it. Your man may be trying to help you as he has seen your progress. Just let him know you need him to be supportive but instead he makes you want to eat more:) Or at least when people say things to me I tend to get depressed and eat more. He also may feel threatened that if you lose weight he may lose you, maybe he is the one who needs reassurance. Hang in there maybe he will get up the willpower to join you though after 8 years of marriage and many many diets on my part my husband has yet to join in.
  • rainbowcandy2004
    rainbowcandy2004 Posts: 44
    Tough situation, I have great people in my life who don't do that to me they only encourge me. Like others have stated I would either mention how many calories he is eating or tell him to be quiet. He might be jealous that you are losing and he is not. After my first weigh in and I lost 30 lbs I told my partner that soon I will be skinner than her and she was like no you can't. She didn't want to be the fat one but she has gotten over that now and has started on some of my same eating habits and her shorts have gone from being tight to needed a belt over the summer. Have you asked him to try some of the foods you eat or going for a walk with you? I can't get my partner out on a walk but we will take the softball out and throw it or hit a tennis ball around. We are both so bad that we spend more time chasing the tennis ball than hitting it.
  • poisongirl1
    poisongirl1 Posts: 93 Member
    I just got back from a family vacation, and my immediate family was exactly the same way. Everytime we ate anything it was "Do you know how many calories are in that?" or "Oh I don't think Sarah's allowed to eat that!" and then at the end of the day they'd always ask if I was over my calorie count because I ate a lot (most of the time I wasn't). My sister was the worst though, "Why do you record what you eat when it doesn't make a difference, you still eat too much anyway". It was driving me crazy and I couldn't wait for it to be over so I could go home and not have them pester me. Then when my grandmother would tell them to stop making comments about what I can eat (because she was very concerned I wasn't eating enough), they claimed it was because they were being supportive. Er, no, it's not supportive it's just frustrating. Luckily I don't see them that often so I don't have to deal with it too much. On the bright side my fiance is very supportive, if he acted like them I'm sure we would have had a couple "heated discussions" about it by now haha
  • Blueberry09
    Blueberry09 Posts: 821 Member
    or hit a tennis ball around. We are both so bad that we spend more time chasing the tennis ball than hitting it.
    I love this! Not to intentionally de-rail the OP but my girlfriend and I used to play badminton. I think we laughed more calories off than anything! It's lots of excercise bending over to pick up that bird - or tennis ball. Keep up the good work!

    Now back to the OP, I had trouble with my husband at first too. Although he knew I was trying to get healthy he would still bring treats home from the store. When I called him on it he'd get upset and say he was just thinking about me and trying to be nice! UGH - what does one say to that? Now it's totally reversed - he got on the healthy train and takes it to the extreme. He lost 25lbs in 3 months where it's taken me 6 months to lose 12!

    Neither of us is really large - we were both just slightly over the lower end of the highest level of the BMI. Now we're on the upper end of the middle. If it wasn't for the beer he drinks (the only think he wouldn't cut out) I swear he'd be anorexic! I'm sure he doesn't consume anywhere near 1200 calories by food - it's all beer! But of course, he doesn't listen to me about the damage he could be doing! He's so OCD he just wants to keep losing weight. He's currently about 12lbs under his ideal weight - we had a BMR done in June. I still have about 5 lbs to go to hit mine. At least he's not bringing home treats anymore but now I have another battle on my hands - getting him to actually EAT!
  • me525
    me525 Posts: 155
    Is he feeling insecure? Being that he is "morbidly obese" is he concerned he may eventually lose his "hot skinny" wife to someone else? maybe he has some feelings he needs to acknowledge and talk about.

    as for the mother in law, has she at any point lost a lot of weight then gained it all back? It's been my experience that people who fail at something will tend to discourage someone else from trying it and showing that it can be done.

    I hope all can be worked out in your home, keep doing what your doing and succeeding, you deserve it!
  • BotsMomJ
    BotsMomJ Posts: 24 Member
    Quote: " The day you start caring about what you put in your body is the day I will start listening to what you have to say" end quote.

    You are doing what YOU need to be successful... KEEP it up!

    THIS IS THE PERFECT RESPONSE! I NEED TO USE THIS! THANK YOU SOOO MUCH!
  • mike_littlerock
    mike_littlerock Posts: 296 Member
    I have the exact same problem, but I have NO idea why your husband is always telling me what I can eat! LOL

    isnt interesting how everyone, especially people heavier than we are, seems to be a friggin EXPERT on diet/nutrition, and exercise once we start trying to get healthy.

    I will say that my mother told me she was worried she might cook the wrong thing the last time I went to visit, because she was afraid she might ruin our diets.. I had to make sure she understands that its a lifestyle, not a fad, and we CAN eat the things we love, but have to watch portion sizes and not do it every day. BTW. I am from an Italian family in New Orleans, so LOTS of good things to eat when i go home. I did have a po-boy, Grandma's spaghetti and meat sauce, seafood, etc.. and it was awesome.
  • sunnyrunner23
    sunnyrunner23 Posts: 182 Member
    Why do people feel like it is any of their business what you put into your own mouth? I find it SO rude.
  • anthony438
    anthony438 Posts: 578 Member
    Hmmm, tricky situation. Can't say that I've had this problem, but have you tried smacking him on the back of his head? That's what my wife does to me when I don't seem to be getting the hint.
  • lmarshel
    lmarshel Posts: 674 Member
    Next time, just tell him "Yes, I've switched gears and my new goal is to gain it all back." :) See what he has to say to that.
  • Booboo78
    Booboo78 Posts: 169
    It's usually because the other person feels threatened in some way - the bottom line is, once you start on a new lifelong health plan (I never call them diets as that suggests it's only temporary) - for them it highlights the 'inadequacies' in their own health and lifestyle habits, putting a spotlight on them.

    Also it's social and emotional based. For most people, due to social conditioning, eating and drinking is seen as a social pastime - a way of bonding, sharing, nurturing (for the people doing the feeding!), good times together.

    Couples who share quality time together sharing a pizza with a DVD. Family time at holidays, Christmas, Thanksgiving, etc. Eating and drinking with friends on social gatherings, dinner parties. Parents who, when you visit, cook you large meals as a way of showing their love. Even colleagues who come in to the workplace with armfuls of doughnuts.

    So....when one goes on a healthy eating plan, the others around you feel one thing: REJECTION.

    Hence, they either try to feed you up by giving you more sweets, etc (enablers). Or they end up criticising your new lifestyle (passive aggression). Because they feel that, subconsciously, you are turning your back on their 'love/friendship'.

    Even though it's nothing personal at all! :laugh:
  • dsak
    dsak Posts: 367 Member
    Fortunately I didn't have this problem with my DH before he hopped on "The Health Train" with me.

    I think that part of your DH's problem, is that perhaps he knows that he should be eating healthier too, and that he needs to loose weight to.... so seeing YOU make changes makes him realize that HE needs to make changes, and that bothers him. So rather than do something about his own health, he is subconsciously trying to sabotage your efforts.

    I would simply tell him, "Thanks for your concern babe, but I've got this under control. I'm keeping track of what I eat and this is planned into my daily needs." And on the occasion that you do have an "off diet" treat (the occasional serving of ice cream, or the pasta meal that goes over your dinner calorie allowance, etc..) just say "It's my treat day. Once in a while it's fine."

    I would also sit down and have a heart to heart with him. Tell him that you're really trying to get healthier, and you feel like he's not being supportive. But in all honesty.. it really sounds like the issue he has is that he's feeling threatened by your success, and guilty that he's not doing anything to make himself better.

    I don't mean this to sound mean to him... but it's one of the possibilities.

    I would NOT point out "Oh yeah? Well what about that 700 calorie burger your eating?!?" That is just going to cause problems. Don't point out his faults. Simply point out your own solution to YOUR problems. It took my husband about 2 months to jump on board with me.. and that was AFTER I was down about 17 pounds. My DH saw MY success, and realized that if I could do it, so could he. We can't force our spouses and friends to get healthy. They have to be ready to do it.

    God bless!

    I agree with this 100%...
  • sweetsapphire85
    sweetsapphire85 Posts: 386
    It's funny because I get this all the time, and the more they weigh the more they monitor what goes in your mouth! I get it from mostly family and relatives who know i'm trying to eat healthy. Somehow your plates calorie content is of great concern to them. (why, i have yet to figure out)

    My mother is a big offender of the above scenarios and whenever we go out she states that i'm on a "diet" to everyone...which is embarrassing and annoying.

    I'm looking for an answer but i did like the quote the one poster put on a previous page.
  • msfazer
    msfazer Posts: 17 Member
    Thanks for all your advice I think he is threatened by my healthy lifestyle. It's strange how changing your lifestyle changes so much
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