Fathers Day struggles

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melaniekboe
melaniekboe Posts: 16 Member
edited June 2019 in Chit-Chat
Is anyone else struggling today?!? I am, but probably not because of the reason most people struggle on Fathers Day. You see, my Dad is a jerk. 😕 He’s been mentally abusive to us (Mom, brother & myself), our whole lives. He sucks up to other extended family, but has always been a prick to us. For example, I was showing him our honeymoon video from Jamaica. When there was a scene of us on the beach, he said, “looks at the whales that washed up!” It’s constantly comments like that and then he can’t figure out why we don’t come and visit! Yet, when they’re going through our town (they’ve been retired for years) on the way to the casino, they won’t stop in & see us or our kids but they run to everything of my brother’s kid. He ‘listens’ to & does everything my Dad asks, we do our own thing. Please don’t tell me to talk it out, we tried that, he just blames everything on my Mom. 🤷🏼‍♀️

Replies

  • Versicolour
    Versicolour Posts: 7,164 Member
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    I'm sorry. There is no talking to someone like that.
  • chelny
    chelny Posts: 179 Member
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    Yep. Holidays are difficult when you have a messy family.
  • staticsplit
    staticsplit Posts: 538 Member
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    I'm sorry, he does sound like a jerk. Sounds like it's healthier to keep boundaries to protect yourself. I had a stepdad who was a classic narcissist. He was a piece of work. Don't miss him a bit.

    I'm having a hard time too--my dad died in 2015. He was sweet but impractical--always broke, needing to borrow money etc. But he was brilliant and creative. Miss him, foibles and all.
  • your_future_ex_wife
    your_future_ex_wife Posts: 4,278 Member
    edited June 2019
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    It sucks that your family of origin has some *kitten* people in it. I’m sorry. That can really hurt.

    Some people say you’re stuck with your family. I disagree. I believe we can choose the people we interact with. Life’s too short and too precious to waste time with mean people.
  • Cowsfan1
    Cowsfan1 Posts: 7,937 Member
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    your_future_ex_wife wrote: »
    It sucks that your family of origin has some *kitten* people in it. I’m sorry. That can really hurt.

    Some people say you’re stuck with your family. I disagree. I believe we can choose the people we interact with. Life’s too short and too precious to waste time with mean people.

    Well said / and like the deadman said / awesome smile 😉
  • melaniekboe
    melaniekboe Posts: 16 Member
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    seltzermint555 wrote: »
    Honestly, social media has made almost every holiday feel weird, forced & awkward to me for the past decade. It seems like everyone's outdoing everyone else and each year it gets more and more extreme (in my view).

    YES!!! This ☝🏻!!! They post pics every time I’m not there, but if my family is there, no posts! 🤷🏼‍♀️ Starting to think I need to delete FB, it just causes too much frustration! 🤦🏼‍♀️
  • seltzermint555
    seltzermint555 Posts: 10,742 Member
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    melaniekboe wrote: »
    seltzermint555 wrote: »
    Honestly, social media has made almost every holiday feel weird, forced & awkward to me for the past decade. It seems like everyone's outdoing everyone else and each year it gets more and more extreme (in my view).

    YES!!! This ☝🏻!!! They post pics every time I’m not there, but if my family is there, no posts! 🤷🏼‍♀️ Starting to think I need to delete FB, it just causes too much frustration! 🤦🏼‍♀️

    Yeah, I don't have a lot of my extended family on fb partly for similar reasons. We're very different politically and such, so it's just not for me. I also feel really weird about some religious holidays (Easter for example) when I see a lot of my friends I KNOW to be atheist/agnostic (like me) hamming it up for the camera at church, egg hunts, huge family dinners...to each their own, but it is hard to relate.
  • sweetnana126
    sweetnana126 Posts: 16 Member
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    Sounds like he isn't really a "Dad" but rather a sperm donor. It's very difficult when the people who are supposed to love you, don't. As mentioned several times above, there is no reason to actively pursue a relationship with someone whose only role is to make you feel bad. Life is too short to put up with insensitive jerks
  • JeromeBarry1
    JeromeBarry1 Posts: 10,182 Member
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    LiftingSpirits wrote: »
    I am part of team JerkForADad. Haven't seen mine in, ohhhhh 30 years? Purge people from your life if you need to. You don't have to "honor" someone who treats you like dirt because a calendar tells you to.

    Actually, it was the U.S. Congress who told you to, but that was just the jerks who were jealous that the progressives got Congress to tell you to honor your mother.
  • corinasue1143
    corinasue1143 Posts: 7,467 Member
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    The best revenge is living the good life! Don’t worry about him. Be the best parent you can be. Give your kids a reason to want to spend time with you. Have a fun day!
  • melaniekboe
    melaniekboe Posts: 16 Member
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    corinasue1143 wrote: »
    The best revenge is living the good life! Don’t worry about him. Be the best parent you can be. Give your kids a reason to want to spend time with you. Have a fun day!

    Exactly!!! My boys don’t even want to have much to do with him. They know & see how I’ve been treated and are very thankful I’ve raised them different. It’s a continuous battle of guilty feelings. My husband is a dream & very helpful with these feelings. I also have an amazing set of in-laws who are a blessing.
  • LoKoMi
    LoKoMi Posts: 51 Member
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    melaniekboe wrote: »
    seltzermint555 wrote: »
    Honestly, social media has made almost every holiday feel weird, forced & awkward to me for the past decade. It seems like everyone's outdoing everyone else and each year it gets more and more extreme (in my view).

    YES!!! This ☝🏻!!! They post pics every time I’m not there, but if my family is there, no posts! 🤷🏼‍♀️ Starting to think I need to delete FB, it just causes too much frustration! 🤦🏼‍♀️

    If you m enjoy Facebook and/or use it for more uplifting interactions with others, there are two good options:
    1. Unfriend them! But I understand that can cause it’s own drama, so...
    2. Unfollow them. You’ll still be “Facebook friends but you won’t see their posts. You might see things depending on who’s tagged in photos/posts- unfollow them too!!! You can still go to their wall and see everything but it won’t be in your newsfeed. They won’t know if you do this.
    2.5 would be to set your posting privacy so that they can’t see what you post. You can do this for everything or each time you post if who you don’t want to see your stuff might change.

    Many hugs to everyone who’s hurting today.
  • melaniekboe
    melaniekboe Posts: 16 Member
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    LoKoMi wrote: »

    Funny, I did just that!! Unfollowed & blocked my posts. Tired of the negativity, time to get back to my positive place!! 😊
  • PAFC84
    PAFC84 Posts: 1,871 Member
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    seltzermint555 wrote: »
    melaniekboe wrote: »
    seltzermint555 wrote: »
    Honestly, social media has made almost every holiday feel weird, forced & awkward to me for the past decade. It seems like everyone's outdoing everyone else and each year it gets more and more extreme (in my view).

    YES!!! This ☝🏻!!! They post pics every time I’m not there, but if my family is there, no posts! 🤷🏼‍♀️ Starting to think I need to delete FB, it just causes too much frustration! 🤦🏼‍♀️

    Yeah, I don't have a lot of my extended family on fb partly for similar reasons. We're very different politically and such, so it's just not for me. I also feel really weird about some religious holidays (Easter for example) when I see a lot of my friends I KNOW to be atheist/agnostic (like me) hamming it up for the camera at church, egg hunts, huge family dinners...to each their own, but it is hard to relate.
    seltzermint555 wrote: »
    melaniekboe wrote: »
    seltzermint555 wrote: »
    Honestly, social media has made almost every holiday feel weird, forced & awkward to me for the past decade. It seems like everyone's outdoing everyone else and each year it gets more and more extreme (in my view).

    YES!!! This ☝🏻!!! They post pics every time I’m not there, but if my family is there, no posts! 🤷🏼‍♀️ Starting to think I need to delete FB, it just causes too much frustration! 🤦🏼‍♀️

    Yeah, I don't have a lot of my extended family on fb partly for similar reasons. We're very different politically and such, so it's just not for me. I also feel really weird about some religious holidays (Easter for example) when I see a lot of my friends I KNOW to be atheist/agnostic (like me) hamming it up for the camera at church, egg hunts, huge family dinners...to each their own, but it is hard to relate.

    I go to church on Easter and xmas even though I'm not religious. It is more to appease family but secretly I quite like it- people all gathered together, singing etc. During the priest's sermon (and the mass in general) I usually just look around to see how many hot women there are; I suspect there is a special place in hell for me lol.
  • PAFC84
    PAFC84 Posts: 1,871 Member
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    LiftingSpirits wrote: »
    I am part of team JerkForADad. Haven't seen mine in, ohhhhh 30 years? Purge people from your life if you need to. You don't have to "honor" someone who treats you like dirt because a calendar tells you to.

    JerkForADad......that has to be one of the most unfortunate group names ever.

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