Struggling with spouse not on board.

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  • 150poundsofme
    150poundsofme Posts: 523 Member
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    It is really hard when someone is constantly eating foods in front of you that you cannot eat. If I was out and there was dessert, I would bring him home some. But then the food would be there for days and days and I would see it or while we are watching tv he is sitting right next to me eating the food I brought home. So I finally woke up and I no longer bring him home anything. (He doesn't need all that sugar/fat anyway). If I go grocery shopping, I only buy the food I can eat and he eats it too but no junk food. Even if at times I feel strong in my will to not eat off plan, it is when I get that "feeling/need/urge" to eat and if it's there I will get into it and it will then lead to a binge. So you need to take care of you. If you were an alcoholic, would there be bottles of alcohol just sitting around tempting you? Sure, some people can say no to certain foods, but others do have more problems with it that some do not understand. Hugs
  • elisa123gal
    elisa123gal Posts: 4,306 Member
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    cayenne_007 wrote: »
    I think this is really common - my boyfriend can (and does) eat basically anything without getting chunky. (The man is HOT). It's why I've really started to make use of these forums, I'm grateful for a group of people that have the same goals I do. Yes - there's junk food in my house, I just don't eat it (it's HIS). I'll buy his favorites for him when I grocery shop. He's very active during the day and can handle it. I'm not going to torment him into eating only healthy foods. I haven't told my Mom that I've been really watching what I eat for the past few months and making an effort to lose weight - the reasoning? She will decide she's my self elected accountability partner and make me freakin INSANE! Which promptly makes me derail and decide that packing around a bit extra is fine by me. Mom is a health food/fitness freak.....and I like food & beer. It's just best we don't discuss weight issues. I think it works the same with spouses/boyfriends.

    You may be the wisest well adjusted person who ever wrote a post on mfp lol :)
  • jenshu7
    jenshu7 Posts: 2 Member
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    This is your choice and your journey. It's a great choice! But that doesn't mean that you can force others to do it with you, or even help you with it. You should find ways to make it easier for yourself to stay away from foods even if they are in your home. If it helps you can pretend like you have a roommate who lives with you - would you touch a roommate's food? No. The same thing will happen at work when they have functions, at parties/events you have to go to. People offer and have bad food around all the time. It all starts with you and your choice, regardless of how much junk food is around you, you'll have to decide to say no.
  • johicks
    johicks Posts: 1,991 Member
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    @150poundsofme - I get it!! I shop & bring only healthy items into the house. I do try to eat in moderation, but it's awfully hard to not partake, then overindulge in the junk that he buys. He's supportive, but then says; "I don't mean to sabotage, but I brought home... pizza." For real!? He knows that I plan my meals for the day. And he has been more helpful of trying to work with me on dinners by making sure that there is a good protein for dinner either grilled or a rotisserie chicken. But, then he wants an adult beverage and goes to the store and gets that and junk food. Being strong is hard. But I try every day. Finding a happy medium we're both working on together. One of those happy mediums is that he knows my "cheat" day is Sundays, after weekly weigh-in. I try not to give in completely but allow myself a little more on those days. (i.e. we had pizza last week. I knew ahead of time to make sure that I had salad stuff in the house and protein to top it off and balance out the meal.)

    I'd like to hear more strategies from others who experience this, as well.

  • KhannaS112
    KhannaS112 Posts: 2 Member
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    That's his choice. Why does it matter if he's not eating it in front of you?
  • saresimsr36
    saresimsr36 Posts: 128 Member
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    I used to try to control my spouse while struggling to lose weight, but I nearly lost him. He said he wanted a spouse not a mother. Since then, I started to take a serious look at my actions. He was right. I was parenting him because I had no self control. Ultimately, you have to dig deeper. It's our journey, not our spouses. His agreeing to not eat it in front of you is already more than most get. My husband and kids eat that stuff in front of me all the time and I drool while I watch and slap my own hand if I reach for it. My addiction to everything unhealthy is my struggle. I need to put my big girl panties on and find the strength to avoid the things I know I shouldnt be eating. Temptation is everywhere we go. It avoiding those things is the only way to lose weight, then we are all doomed. Each of us have our something else. That one thing that drives us to succeed despite temptation. Find yours and you will be unstoppable.
  • Pisces_MN
    Pisces_MN Posts: 5 Member
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    I can so relate to this. My husband was always slim until he stopped smoking so now he has a belly on him. He makes comments on my weight, nothing demeaning, but compared me to other women saying how they're in great shape etc, stating the obvious that I'm not. But then he buys ice cream and cookies for me because he loves me....how messed up is that. When I tell him i don't want any he then tries to guilt me into having some. Grrr!
  • Maggiewilldoit
    Maggiewilldoit Posts: 9 Member
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    So I have an issue with my husband to he is diabetic and no matter what I try and do to help him he does the opposite. He eats cookies chocolate cake drinks 2 L bottle of sodas in a day everything he's not supposed to put in his mouth he does. And besides all the food that I try to get for myself all the healthy proteins and all the healthy snacks he decides to eat that too. So then he leaves nothing for me to eat from my diet and to try and work on my success. I've tried involving him in the healthy way of eating so we both can get better and he just keeps doing the same thing over and over again. For three years now this is the way my life has been I'm up and down with my weight I struggle everyday when he goes in and eats my fruit and vegetables and my proteins that I have he then looks for I'll have Suites. I stopped buying the sweets and then he goes out and he buys them and bring some home but when I make myself my chicken for the week or by myself turkey or I get like the Bumblebee can check in and make that was my string beans he eats everything on me and says that well I'm just going to take it with me to work because I have nothing else to eat. So there is real struggle for a lot of women out there who have husbands who don't want to have any part in what's going on with the wife self. I then have to hide my food and thank God my mother lives next door because I have to bring my food over and leave it in her fridge so he doesn't eat all my healthy food. I wish I can get them onboard to just eat the healthy food and then stay away from all the bad stuff. What happens though is if I have Tupperware in the fridge or in the freezer and it's separated for like 5 to 7 days for the week he'll go in and he'll take two or three of my Tupperware has to work for one day and eat all my food so this is my struggle I try and better myself and then I can't because he leaves me with nothing and it's not like I have the financial means that I can keep going out and buying additional food. He tells me to bring him home chili or bring me home Hot Pockets or he wants new banquet meals that have buffalo chicken macaroni and cheese or something like that and he'll eat that and then eat my food and then eat snacks on top of it. So my only option is to hide all of my help food so he doesn't get to it really sad when you don't have someone who will support your efforts but then we'll sit back and complain about how sick they are and how much help they need and when you try they say that you're preaching to them or you're treating them like a child that's why the way you're stuck
  • johicks
    johicks Posts: 1,991 Member
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    Pisces_MN wrote: »
    I can so relate to this. My husband was always slim until he stopped smoking so now he has a belly on him. He makes comments on my weight, nothing demeaning, but compared me to other women saying how they're in great shape etc, stating the obvious that I'm not. But then he buys ice cream and cookies for me because he loves me....how messed up is that. When I tell him i don't want any he then tries to guilt me into having some. Grrr!

    mine too!!! I feel like he wants to keep me fat, so he doesn't have to work on himself. He's got so many health problems.
  • Motorsheen
    Motorsheen Posts: 20,508 Member
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    Pisces_MN wrote: »
    I can so relate to this. My husband was always slim until he stopped smoking so now he has a belly on him. He makes comments on my weight, nothing demeaning, but compared me to other women saying how they're in great shape etc, stating the obvious that I'm not. But then he buys ice cream and cookies for me because he loves me....how messed up is that. When I tell him i don't want any he then tries to guilt me into having some. Grrr!

    @Pisces_MN

    Here's a guy's perspective on the issue.....

    (please don't flame me on this; I'm being honest.)

    Why not take the cookies and ice cream straight from their containers and dump them down the garbage disposal?
    Do it with him standing right there in the kitchen.

    If my wife did that a couple of times, I'd get the message that she really doesn't want cookies and ice cream in the house and a greater act of love would be not bringing that garbage home in the first place.
  • elisa123gal
    elisa123gal Posts: 4,306 Member
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    Maggiewilldoit wrote: »
    So I have an issue with my husband to he is diabetic and no matter what I try and do to help him he does the opposite. He eats cookies chocolate cake drinks 2 L bottle of sodas in a day everything he's not supposed to put in his mouth he does. And besides all the food that I try to get for myself all the healthy proteins and all the healthy snacks he decides to eat that too. So then he leaves nothing for me to eat from my diet and to try and work on my success. I've tried involving him in the healthy way of eating so we both can get better and he just keeps doing the same thing over and over again. For three years now this is the way my life has been I'm up and down with my weight I struggle everyday when he goes in and eats my fruit and vegetables and my proteins that I have he then looks for I'll have Suites. I stopped buying the sweets and then he goes out and he buys them and bring some home but when I make myself my chicken for the week or by myself turkey or I get like the Bumblebee can check in and make that was my string beans he eats everything on me and says that well I'm just going to take it with me to work because I have nothing else to eat. So there is real struggle for a lot of women out there who have husbands who don't want to have any part in what's going on with the wife self. I then have to hide my food and thank God my mother lives next door because I have to bring my food over and leave it in her fridge so he doesn't eat all my healthy food. I wish I can get them onboard to just eat the healthy food and then stay away from all the bad stuff. What happens though is if I have Tupperware in the fridge or in the freezer and it's separated for like 5 to 7 days for the week he'll go in and he'll take two or three of my Tupperware has to work for one day and eat all my food so this is my struggle I try and better myself and then I can't because he leaves me with nothing and it's not like I have the financial means that I can keep going out and buying additional food. He tells me to bring him home chili or bring me home Hot Pockets or he wants new banquet meals that have buffalo chicken macaroni and cheese or something like that and he'll eat that and then eat my food and then eat snacks on top of it. So my only option is to hide all of my help food so he doesn't get to it really sad when you don't have someone who will support your efforts but then we'll sit back and complain about how sick they are and how much help they need and when you try they say that you're preaching to them or you're treating them like a child that's why the way you're stuck

    Just an idea for you... Purchase a lot of junk food for him so he stays away from your food. He will always default to eating the easy processed foods and maybe stay away from your food. Go to Aldi..a place where food is cheap..and buy him frozen, canned.. bagged everything. Keep your prepared meals over at mom's for lunch and don't let him know about it.. Also, don't talk about your weight loss fitness goals.. he will just try to sabotage you. You have to think of yourself first.. he is dragging you down into his bad health spiral.
  • _faedreamer
    _faedreamer Posts: 56 Member
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    My wife is having a hard time staying on track with snacks, so I just have her bring them to work and she eats them there, not at home. I do all the shopping, so that helps too, I don't buy junk, so if she wants it, she has to go get it herself and then it stays at work so I'm not tempted. I wish she wouldn't eat that garbage at all, but I can't control her and don't want to. I can control my own environment, however, so I do that.
  • bjkoziara
    bjkoziara Posts: 158 Member
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    I've actually found it much easier to lose weight when my husband isn't also trying to do so. He has unintentionally lost a bit because I do the cooking and grocery shopping, so he eats whatever is in the house. 3 days of the week, we fend for ourselves for dinner and he usually requests I pick him up frozen pizza, mozzarella sticks, macaroni and cheese, etc. (yes, he eats like a child, but it's what he likes). He's very supportive of me and has congratulated me for every small win; but when we were both trying to lose, he would often critique my food choices.

    It sounds like your husband is supportive, but just not interested in cutting junk food out, which is okay. The hard truth is, you're just going to have to learn willpower and get out of the mental place you're in, because that only will lead to you blaming him if you do decide to binge. Find a healthier coping method for stress, like swimming, hiking, boxing, biking, etc.
  • gaelicstorm
    gaelicstorm Posts: 94 Member
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    You just have to do this thing for yourself and it is much harder in the beginning. I've been logging for almost 120 days now and am down about 45 lbs (65 down from my highest weight ever). My husband and I are both diabetic. He chooses to eat crap. I choose to eat in a way that helps me keep my blood sugar in check. We are both overweight. He's not working on it but I am. I walk by myself and make my own meal modifications. He can do what he wants but I'm going to stay focused on myself. He will only change when he desires it more than he desires candy, cookies, and extra butter on everything (not saying those foods are bad--they aren't--when eaten in moderation and to meet your own health goals).

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