Tried Everything, Lost Hope

JordanS9592
JordanS9592 Posts: 94 Member
in Introduce Yourself
I have always struggled with overeating. When I was a kid, food was my escape. As an adult, food is my idol. I’m ashamed when I look in the mirror, and see the 340 pounds of out of shape person I have created. January of 2018, I resolved to lose weight, so I joined weight watchers. By April, I lost 60 pounds. Around that time, I met my beautiful wife, and we got married that August. After I got married, I started to turn to food again to handle my stress, and I gained back 40 pounds. I was completely depressed. After eating an entire large pizza by myself for the third time in a week, I was so disgusted with myself that I decided to go all in to losing the weight. Staring in January this year, I lost thirty five pounds by March using weight watchers again. I’m not sure what happened, but one cheat day that month turned to two, then to five, then to ten. I kept telling myself I would do better tomorrow, but tomorrow never came. I recently decided I want to join the military, so I started my diet again with this app. Disappointed after two weeks of not losing weight, I am laying in my bed, staring at the ceiling, regretting the breakfast of 5 cups of ice cream and the four sandwiches, large fry, and frosty from Wendy’s. I’m tired of trying. Im tired of letting my wife and myself down. I’m tired of being desperate. I figured I’d post since I have nothing to lose.

Replies

  • LyndaBSS
    LyndaBSS Posts: 6,964 Member
    Welcome to the community!

    Pizza was also my stress food of choice. I've been here less than a month and have been able to rewire my brain.

    I eat a plant based diet with seafood, eggs and dairy. Do you have any favorite healthy foods?

    So glad you're here. ❤
  • JordanS9592
    JordanS9592 Posts: 94 Member
    Thank you for the support. I like high protein foods since I get hungry a lot.
  • kaitmonster1
    kaitmonster1 Posts: 1 Member
    Best of luck in your journey. It’s not going to be easy but taking it upon yourself to choose to change is the first step
  • PKM0515
    PKM0515 Posts: 3,089 Member
    Do not give up! You CAN do this! :)

    This is only my opinion, but I can hear the pain and frustration in your words. Is it possible to see a Registered Dietician who can give you reasonable advice and a realistic plan, if needed? By me, Shop Rite grocery stores offer this service for free. They will schedule visits for you, walk through the store and discuss healthy options, give advice/information, etc. I think they even have some cooking classes. Also, do you think you might benefit from therapy? Just a thought. 💕
  • Luv2eatSweets
    Luv2eatSweets Posts: 221 Member
    I think the word diet is really what used to do my brain in. So instead tried incorporating more fruits and veggies into my meals. Fruits would help with the sweet cravings, and the veggies for filling me up. I stopped the pizza/fast food deliveries and found saved so much money. I tried eating fish a few times a week (keeping cans of tuna as a "go to" late at night when desperation would set in) Also found drinking more water helped. It's a long slog, but hang in there. Slow steps are always better, not depriving yourself of everything all at once.
  • JordanS9592
    JordanS9592 Posts: 94 Member
    Thanks for the tips. Those things have worked for me too in the past, but sustaining it until I meet my goal is what I’m really failing in.
  • JordanS9592
    JordanS9592 Posts: 94 Member
    SaraKim17 wrote: »
    Do not give up! You CAN do this! :)

    This is only my opinion, but I can hear the pain and frustration in your words. Is it possible to see a Registered Dietician who can give you reasonable advice and a realistic plan, if needed? By me, Shop Rite grocery stores offer this service for free. They will schedule visits for you, walk through the store and discuss healthy options, give advice/information, etc. I think they even have some cooking classes. Also, do you think you might benefit from therapy? Just a thought. 💕

    You are right about the frustration. I’m so done with being fat and disappointed.
  • Jackie9003
    Jackie9003 Posts: 1,116 Member
    You can do this, you've done it before, but you need to be in the right frame of mind and if you have a lot to do it's really hard work.
    Have you tried small, short term goals? Such as you'll only have 1 pizza in the next week?
    Or how about some easy swaps like Halo Top for regular ice cream?
    Do you have something specific in mind such as an occasion to aim for?
    I lost 57lbs before a big holiday last year then during that time and over christmas put some back on and am still struggling to get to my holiday weight so I feel your pain.
  • JordanS9592
    JordanS9592 Posts: 94 Member
    Jackie9003 wrote: »
    You can do this, you've done it before, but you need to be in the right frame of mind and if you have a lot to do it's really hard work.
    Have you tried small, short term goals? Such as you'll only have 1 pizza in the next week?
    Or how about some easy swaps like Halo Top for regular ice cream?
    Do you have something specific in mind such as an occasion to aim for?
    I lost 57lbs before a big holiday last year then during that time and over christmas put some back on and am still struggling to get to my holiday weight so I feel your pain.

    Thanks for the ideas, I remember Halo Top bailing me out of some hard cravings. I am currently a teacher, and I would like to teach one more year before I join the military. So, I have to lose 110 pounds by spring of 2020
  • LyndaBSS
    LyndaBSS Posts: 6,964 Member
    That's a lofty goal. My goal is always the next 5 lbs. Not so imposing a number. 😉
  • neugebauer52
    neugebauer52 Posts: 1,120 Member
    Seems that everyone reacts differently to food and drinks. After many years of trying to lose weight but ending up on 170 kg - 375 pounds - I discovered that mental health is of paramount importance to start with. Through MFP and so many supportive members I also started to realize and understand what "trigger foods" means to me and my attitude to food / drinks. MFP did the necessary calculations for me and over time I have found the macros percentages which give me a wide variety of food choices I can live with happily long term. After about 450 days I have lost 37 kg - 81 pounds - with much more to lose. I am finally doing something for myself, adopting a healthier life style. I prepare a simple meal plan for the next day with the MFP calorie calculation in mind and I take it meal by meal, day by day. I have started simple exercises I enjoy and slowly getting better at them. Water aerobics helps me a lot - virtually no weight on joints and body. I am trying very hard not to worry long term and just take it day by day. I have stopped looking around for second / third opinions, "why don't you" advise and wonder "diets": I stick with MFP, the members point me in the right direction and I visit my GP every 6 month for a general check up. What could go wrong? :)
  • JordanS9592
    JordanS9592 Posts: 94 Member
    neugebauer52 wrote: »
    Seems that everyone reacts differently to food and drinks. After many years of trying to lose weight but ending up on 170 kg - 375 pounds - I discovered that mental health is of paramount importance to start with. Through MFP and so many supportive members I also started to realize and understand what "trigger foods" means to me and my attitude to food / drinks. MFP did the necessary calculations for me and over time I have found the macros percentages which give me a wide variety of food choices I can live with happily long term. After about 450 days I have lost 37 kg - 81 pounds - with much more to lose. I am finally doing something for myself, adopting a healthier life style. I prepare a simple meal plan for the next day with the MFP calorie calculation in mind and I take it meal by meal, day by day. I have started simple exercises I enjoy and slowly getting better at them. Water aerobics helps me a lot - virtually no weight on joints and body. I am trying very hard not to worry long term and just take it day by day. I have stopped looking around for second / third opinions, "why don't you" advise and wonder "diets": I stick with MFP, the members point me in the right direction and I visit my GP every 6 month for a general check up. What could go wrong? :)

    I can relate, I can be an emotional eater. But sometimes, I’m just a pig who likes to eat.
  • Jackie9003
    Jackie9003 Posts: 1,116 Member
    Personally I would break that down into smaller goals, you could do pounds as LindaBSS suggested, or you could give yourself a monthly target.
    Also if you feel you need to eat something try to eat a smaller portion, log EVERYTHING you put in your mouth, and if your deficit isn't what it should be then get out and do some training as I'm sure you'll need to do a fitness test. Weight loss is all about burning more than you eat so if you eat more then go burn more.
    Good luck!
  • JordanS9592
    JordanS9592 Posts: 94 Member
    Jackie9003 wrote: »
    Personally I would break that down into smaller goals, you could do pounds as LindaBSS suggested, or you could give yourself a monthly target.
    Also if you feel you need to eat something try to eat a smaller portion, log EVERYTHING you put in your mouth, and if your deficit isn't what it should be then get out and do some training as I'm sure you'll need to do a fitness test. Weight loss is all about burning more than you eat so if you eat more then go burn more.
    Good luck!

    Thank you. I will make it a point to log everything, and will work out tonight.
  • LyndaBSS
    LyndaBSS Posts: 6,964 Member
    Woohoo! That's a big step.
  • maureenseel1984
    maureenseel1984 Posts: 395 Member
    Good work, Jordan.
    Thinking about being on a diet makes a person think of deprivation-punishment.
    The food is never the problem. The underlying issues are. I'm guessing you see someone for the underlying issue? For me it was the opposite. My punishment was starvation. Deprivation. If I didn't eat, that meant I was good and I was worthy. Food was something I had to earn...but the root of the problem was depression, anxiety and poor self esteem.
    Therapy and meds helped a lot...I hope you get that same help.
  • JordanS9592
    JordanS9592 Posts: 94 Member
    maureenseel1984 wrote: »
    Good work, Jordan.
    Thinking about being on a diet makes a person think of deprivation-punishment.
    The food is never the problem. The underlying issues are. I'm guessing you see someone for the underlying issue? For me it was the opposite. My punishment was starvation. Deprivation. If I didn't eat, that meant I was good and I was worthy. Food was something I had to earn...but the root of the problem was depression, anxiety and poor self esteem.
    Therapy and meds helped a lot...I hope you get that same help.

    I appreciate your concern. My faith in Jesus helps a lot, and I will try to get some counseling through my church.
  • cbrestensky
    cbrestensky Posts: 38 Member
    I was just having this same talk with myself today! It's so good to not feel alone. It's easy to get caught up in focusing on your failures and feelings of defeat, I've been there the last couple months and gave into a pizza binge earlier today. Tomorrow is a new day and I'm going to start focusing on the positive things I have done in the past that proved successful!

    Ultimately, what I eat is most important. Starting the day with exercise has always put my head in the right place though. If I do it first thing, I can't make up excuses to not get it done. I just feel better and have more energy all day. I make better choices because it reminds me how much exercise I have to do to burn off just one piece of pizza! Find an exercise you truly enjoy. It's so much easier is you look forward to it. Doing it up front keeps me from using it as a torture for dietary indiscretions.

    Eating well has to be something you can stick to best, whatever that might be. There are so many ways to get there, but the secret to success is doing what you do consistently. I like to add a bed of greens to everything! It adds so much substance and so few calories!

    I only let myself weigh-in once a week. It's enough to keep myself honest and not get so caught up on the numbers. I use an article of clothing that fits tightly or is close to fitting to gage my progress otherwise and try it on anytime I'm tempted to step on the scale. If I'm doing well, it will fit better as the days go by. Somehow it makes perfect sense in my mind that it will fit the same all day long, so why I get caught up in the scale and expect it to reflect lower numbers by the hour is just not logical or healthy!

    I put this in writing hoping something might help you and to set it in my head what I need to get back to also! Hopefully it helps! Feelings of defeat happen, but you are only a failure if you just stop trying. Let's both try again tomorrow, it's a new day deserving of some self love and forgiveness. You can do this and so can I!
  • JordanS9592
    JordanS9592 Posts: 94 Member
    cbrestensky wrote: »
    I was just having this same talk with myself today! It's so good to not feel alone. It's easy to get caught up in focusing on your failures and feelings of defeat, I've been there the last couple months and gave into a pizza binge earlier today. Tomorrow is a new day and I'm going to start focusing on the positive things I have done in the past that proved successful!

    Ultimately, what I eat is most important. Starting the day with exercise has always put my head in the right place though. If I do it first thing, I can't make up excuses to not get it done. I just feel better and have more energy all day. I make better choices because it reminds me how much exercise I have to do to burn off just one piece of pizza! Find an exercise you truly enjoy. It's so much easier is you look forward to it. Doing it up front keeps me from using it as a torture for dietary indiscretions.

    Eating well has to be something you can stick to best, whatever that might be. There are so many ways to get there, but the secret to success is doing what you do consistently. I like to add a bed of greens to everything! It adds so much substance and so few calories!

    I only let myself weigh-in once a week. It's enough to keep myself honest and not get so caught up on the numbers. I use an article of clothing that fits tightly or is close to fitting to gage my progress otherwise and try it on anytime I'm tempted to step on the scale. If I'm doing well, it will fit better as the days go by. Somehow it makes perfect sense in my mind that it will fit the same all day long, so why I get caught up in the scale and expect it to reflect lower numbers by the hour is just not logical or healthy!

    I put this in writing hoping something might help you and to set it in my head what I need to get back to also! Hopefully it helps! Feelings of defeat happen, but you are only a failure if you just stop trying. Let's both try again tomorrow, it's a new day deserving of some self love and forgiveness. You can do this and so can I!

    Thanks for sharing, it is much appreciated. It’s hard to know how long the road is to victory, but I’m just going to try to forget about that and just focus on not messing up for the rest of today and tomorrow.

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