VENT- unsolicited advice

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  • PAFC84
    PAFC84 Posts: 1,871 Member
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    seltzermint555 wrote: »
    I'm on team "just bluntly tell her".

    She may not realize what she is doing or that she's talking to a wall with her (probably) well-intentioned advice.

    I have a friend whose approach to just about everything is really different from my own. She complains a lot about communication with her husband and about failed weight loss attempts. It is hard for me not to give unsolicited advice like counting calories instead of doing MLM schemes and fad diets, and having direct conversations with her husband instead of pouting, sulking, and "disappearing" for hours in order to make him
    "miss her". But after years of this, I know she doesn't want or value my advice so I just try to change topics, honestly.

    I have learnt not to offer advice unless asked.
  • Motorsheen
    Motorsheen Posts: 20,492 Member
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    lauragreenbaum wrote: »
    Thanks for the responses. I actually just talked to her. I brought it up and said I've been wanting to talk to her about it for a while now. I told her I know her advice comes from a place of love and caring, but that sometimes I really don't want it and it makes me feel like I have to defend my decision. We talked it through, and she said from now on she'll ask "Would you like some advice on that?" and if I say "no thanks" she'll respect it and let it go. She actually said her sister tells her the same thing all the time but isn't as nice about it---so we had a good laugh about that. Thanks again!

    That's good to hear!


    ..... you know that you'll never see or hear from her ever again, right?

    j/k
  • mattig89ch
    mattig89ch Posts: 2,648 Member
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    glad your worked it out!
  • lauragreenbaum
    lauragreenbaum Posts: 1,017 Member
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    Motorsheen wrote: »
    lauragreenbaum wrote: »
    Thanks for the responses. I actually just talked to her. I brought it up and said I've been wanting to talk to her about it for a while now. I told her I know her advice comes from a place of love and caring, but that sometimes I really don't want it and it makes me feel like I have to defend my decision. We talked it through, and she said from now on she'll ask "Would you like some advice on that?" and if I say "no thanks" she'll respect it and let it go. She actually said her sister tells her the same thing all the time but isn't as nice about it---so we had a good laugh about that. Thanks again!

    That's good to hear!


    ..... you know that you'll never see or hear from her ever again, right?

    j/k

    LOL- not true, but funny
  • cee134
    cee134 Posts: 33,711 Member
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    lauragreenbaum wrote: »
    Thanks for the responses. I actually just talked to her. I brought it up and said I've been wanting to talk to her about it for a while now. I told her I know her advice comes from a place of love and caring, but that sometimes I really don't want it and it makes me feel like I have to defend my decision. We talked it through, and she said from now on she'll ask "Would you like some advice on that?" and if I say "no thanks" she'll respect it and let it go. She actually said her sister tells her the same thing all the time but isn't as nice about it---so we had a good laugh about that. Thanks again!

    Sometimes it can help to tell the person, "I just need someone to listen", or if you want advice say, "I would like advice on this". Before you start talking to that person. That way there is no confusion.

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