Am I still invisible?
lauragreenbaum
Posts: 1,017 Member
I'm in my early 50's and have put on 25 pounds in the past 5-6 years. I have been feeling completely invisible. Up until this point throughout my life I got noticed a lot- not just by men I mean, but people in general- like if I am shopping for clothes, the salesperson would notice me and ask if I needed help. After I gained the weight I have been feeling completely invisible. It's bizarre- I will walk right past people on the street, or walk through a door and pass them and there is no eye contact or if there is it immediately shifts away. It's like I'm not even there.
As some of you know (cause I talk about it a lot) I've become a Pilates nut in the past 7 months, and it's not only making noticeable changes in my appearance, but my confidence is growing. I've realized recently that sometimes I now get noticed. I'm becoming less invisible. It's so weird- has anyone else experienced this when losing weight?
As some of you know (cause I talk about it a lot) I've become a Pilates nut in the past 7 months, and it's not only making noticeable changes in my appearance, but my confidence is growing. I've realized recently that sometimes I now get noticed. I'm becoming less invisible. It's so weird- has anyone else experienced this when losing weight?
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Replies
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Absolutely. Obesity is like a Cloak of Invisibility. The hardest thing for me to deal with lately is actually being greeted by folks who used to look right past me.12
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Yes! Random men now speak to me and look for ways to do small favors ("Can I put up your cart? I am taking mine to the rack"). After years of invisibility, it is startling.3
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Yup. I lost about 68 pounds 5-6 years ago and everyone was nicer to me, I got perks when I went places, seat upgrades, friends being let back into places once a door was locked because I asked, and it bothered me. I consider myself a nice, polite, happy, positive person no matter what weight I am. I didn’t change, people’s perception of ME changed because of my outward appearance. I never noticed it when it happened to other people, or maybe chalked it up to their luck, but once it started to happen to me I got angry. I don’t treat people differently based on how they look, but a lot of people do. I became my own little science experiment, just to see what I could get away with. I got away with a lot. Free drinks, cuts in line allowed by security, all for a smile. I also started getting hit on in grocery stores, pharmacies, while riding my bike. I literally had to stop smiling and making eye contact. I think that’s one of the reasons that I gained the weight back. I wasn’t comfortable with the bias or getting hit on. When I was in the grocery store with my daughter and I got followed around by a guy that called me beautiful and asked if he knew me, that was the last straw. The scary part was my daughter noticed he was following us around the store. I didn’t even realize it. I also got stopped while riding my bike - for directions, until he started asking me for me phone number, and a guy followed me about 4 blocks while I was walking on the water front, so he could hit on me when I had to stop at a red light. I told him I was married (I am) and he still wanted my number! It wasn’t just gross anymore. It started to get scary.
I am losing the weight again. I’m almost half way there. I’m hoping since I just turned 49, age bias will start to kick in and counteract it. I’d hate to cut my long hair just so I’d be less noticeable, but I’m determined to lose the weight for my health, and I donate it every couple years anyway, so maybe it would help. It’s not like I’m this great beauty or anything either. It’s a weird phenomena that just makes me uncomfortable.11 -
I'm a healthy BMI and I never get attention regardless of my size!
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I wish I could say I can relate, but I can't.
No one noticed me before the weight loss and getting fit - no one notices me now.
My wife doesn't have a worry in the world.. lol...4 -
No one has ever noticed me, regardless of my size....except my hubby and he probably needs glasses. lol
Luckily my hubby and I are both introverts so we typically hang out together.
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Middle aged and older women generally become invisible. I always was, so it's nothing new or unusual, but I understand why some older folks indulge their eccentric side. It's the only way to not feel like a ghost.4
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Same here, not THAT old yet but I've felt invisible all my life and the heaviest I've ever been is 125 lbs. The most attention I ever got was random old creepy dudes hitting on me or complimenting my *kitten*. I have major RBF and not the most attractive facial features regardless of my body, though I feel much better about myself now in my 30s compared to my peers, than I did in my teens2 -
I'm over 50 and still get looks but primarily from older women now.. haha I always get compliments on the silver in my hair / beard and the stylish clothes I wear.. .1
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While out running, I got hit on a few months back by an old guy on a mobility scooter with an oxygen tank. My first thought was: what the *Kitten*!!! My second thought was just to laugh about it. I'm 64 years old, and at least I'm still turning somebody's head!!3
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I’m in an unusual historic and tourist town adjacent to a major city, which also has the county courthouse on the historic square. Its like living in this weird Mayberry flashback. I run into the same people all the time. I get noticed as the “OMG You’re So Thin Now” woman. Random lawyers, shopkeepers, locals, even the homeless guys frequently stop me and congratulate me.
No one’s offered me freebies or hit on me, and no need to ask to cut in line here, but it’s like being lifted from some dark orchestra pit into the middle of the stage. It’s just very, very fascinating to me. It’s like discovering a town was rooting for you.
To notice to say something, then they must have aways noticed me, but now feel like I’m more approachable?
There’s a sociology paper here for someone......
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I can only say what I believe in relation to my experiences.
I had no problem getting attention until I gained a lot of weight then yes I became invisible. I don't think this was so much to do with getting fat as it was in a loss of confidence. I started wearing less fashionable clothes as I couldn't find them in my size and if I did find any they looked awful due to the rolls of fat. So I wore looser more frumpy clothing designed for older ladies. I felt really unattractive, so I lost confidence in myself as sexy woman. Therefore I came accross as older than I was, unhappy with life and generally not the kind of woman that people/men would be terribly interested in being around.
Even my own husband announced that I was not attractive anymore. It broke my heart. So I lost the weight and when I looked good again and he suddenly found me "attractive" again, I left him.
My present husband is wonderful and finds me attractive at whatever weight I am and has been instrumental in helping me reagain my self worth. He also supports my efforts to get to a healthier weight.
I am now 62 and I would expect to be a bit more invisible. But I am actually getting noticed more. This may be because I do wear quite fashionable clothes and I have recently got some tattoos. I am growing my hair long and have it dyed blonde. But I think the biggest thing is that I am very confident. Since I turned 60 I don't give a crap what anyone thinks of me anymore, I am me and you can take that or leave it.
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I was a chubby kid growing up so I was either invisible...or visible and ridiculed. So I'm pretty conflicted about people noticing me.
I wore a super cute bathing suit to the waterpark yesterday (and admittedly I'm very built now and relatively lean). I noticed people looking...which made me majorly self-conscious, b/c I was paranoid that the halter top had come loose.
I'm sure people were just looking at my suit...but I would have preferred to be invisible.4 -
I never noticed whether I am noticed or not but lately I seem to be getting noticed by 2 different types of people at the gym where I workout. It seems I attract attention from older ladies and gay guys flirting with me. Lol!
I am an older straight male who is happily married so, not much to get excited about.
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