Parenting advice needed......

That is difficult, usually I just take away something that is really important for my daughter, like right now shie is into the Nintendo DS, I have taken it away for 3 to 7 days but I usually get the response I want, plus I have the support of having a spouse and my mother so enforcing and support is easy to come by and the fact that I am 233lbs now and stand 6ft tall can be a little itimidating to any kid. But have to commend you as a single parent it is difficult. By know means am I an expert, but I always ask for advice also.

You deal with right when it happens. It's hard because we love them so much. Just yesterday my son age 7 cursed in school during lunch and he didn't tell me that he went to the principal''s office but his sister(twin) told me. I was pissed...I had him write a letter to the principle and apoloize. The first letter was a mess- I made him fix it. So he had to give his letter to the principle today, he is shy so he asked his sister to go with him- I was cool with that. He got home from school so I asked how it went- he told me he didn't give it to her. I got him to drop his school bag off at home and I took him to school to give the principle his letter. I wanted my kids to know that when you do something wrong then just saying sorry is not good enough. I would get your daughter to apoloize to your parent- take the phone away everytime she gives you attitude- do daily until she knows you mean business . I have my husband for support- you are by yourself with great support from your parents take charge because she is not a teenager yet...we all have been there...more attitude so try hard to lessen the attitude now instead of waiting later when you can't take control. Good luck.....I know I will have issues too so I am trying hard now to deal with attitudes. You are definately not alone.

I have done the taking things away in the past, but I'm afraid the only thing that would really hurt is her swim team. I would rather not do that, as it is a great workout for her, and I enjoy it, too. If I were to do that it is possible they wont let her swim in the championships. She doesn't have the swim team year round, otherwise I just might. I don't know, maybe I'm making and excuse on this one. I'd just hate to do it.

imho, you need to be will9ing to do whatever it takes. even if it sucks. even if the stakes are high. especially if the stakes are high.

I have a ten year old daughter - so I can relate! My husband goes to night school, so a lot of the time I'm on my own with the kids after work. My DD started cropping an attitude when she was 8, and we had "the" talk - I explained about hormones, etc. and what appropriate venues she can express her feelings, etc.

Also, I give her responsibilities around the house - I can't do it all on my own, and she pulls a lot of weight especially with the younger kids. I think having that responsibility plus understanding the changes her body is going through help.

I'm not saying she is attitude-free - by no means are we close to that - but I will NOT tolerate attitude problems in my house. If any of the kids crop an attitude on my watch - they get privileges revoked.

I remember one time I asked DD to do something, and she said, "No, I don't feel like it." I was like, you did not just say that to me! LOL. I calmly told her, "You don't feel like it? Sure - no problem. Then I don't feel like making you dinner, washing your clothes, taking you places, or picking you up after school. You figure it out." And I turned around to leave the school. You better believe she turned her attitude around real fast.

There's not going to be one way that works all the time. Since it is just the two of you in your household (maybe I'm wrong, but that's the impression I have) - I would sit down and have a heart-to-heart with your DD. At 10 years old, kids don't always understand what other people are feeling/thinking and need help with empathy. I would tell her something like, "We are a team - it's you and me, and I need your help, etc." Give her some responsibilities, and reward her for good behaviors - make sure you enforce consequences for inappropriate behavior (taking away phone would be a good one.)

Finally - this too will pass!! Hugs. :flowerforyou:

We have a no tolerence policy at our house. If I have a daughter that gets snippy with me or gives me additude, they are instantly corrected, then are given a chore or have a privalige taken away. One day my 12 and 10 yr old were arguing and I told them "since you are having a hard time getting along, you both can go and work together on sweeping the kitchen floor. Then we'll see if you can get along better. If you can't we'll have to find other group projects for you to do." That usually takes care of that.

If my daughter was rude and wouldn't go in to say good-bye and thanks. I would make her. I would say "I'm sorry I'm early and I know that makes you mad, but you still need to have good manners to your friend. You need to go inside and tell them good-bye and thanks." If she says "No". Say "you don't understand, I wasn't asking you, I was telling you, and we won't leave until you go in" If she still says No. Tell her that It would be aweful embarassing for you to drag her in, but she has a choice walk in like an adult or be carried like a child. And if she makes you carry her in. It will be the last time.

The main thing is to stop the behavior right away and always be consistant and always follow through on what you say. If you tell her no TV, then No TV. If she's grounded then no exceptions. If you give in once you will always have battles.

I have done the taking things away in the past, but I'm afraid the only thing that would really hurt is her swim team. I would rather not do that, as it is a great workout for her, and I enjoy it, too. If I were to do that it is possible they wont let her swim in the championships. She doesn't have the swim team year round, otherwise I just might. I don't know, maybe I'm making and excuse on this one. I'd just hate to do it.

imho, you need to be will9ing to do whatever it takes. even if it sucks. even if the stakes are high. especially if the stakes are high.

you don't have to take away the whole thing, just something like "I'm offended that you spoke to me disrespectfully. Instead of going to swim team practice today, you will be (fill in here with a chore she dislikes)" this sends a clear message that you will do what you must to keep her in line. and telling her that you are offended, or your feelings were hurt, or whatever applies, is important so that she starts to realize that she is not the center of the universe. you have feelings too.

i'm not a parent, but my parents did a great job with all my siblings, and i had to handle many of the same attitude issues as a high school teacher. your daughter probably didn't come up with this act on her own; friends, schoolmates, and characters in movies and on tv all give the impression that it's ok to behave that way.

my parents used the the two-pronged approach:
1) righteous anger
2) punishment

righteous anger involved them actually being very angry, embarrassed, or disappointed, although they didn't yell. this can be shown by refusing to listen to the radio, or refusing to have a normal conversation. i think this is helpful, because it shows a kid that what they've done is not normal and acceptable, but has been hurtful or rude. being explicit about why you are angry helps too: "I am embarrassed that after Mrs. X let you come to her house for three hours you acted like a two-year-old and were so rude to her. If this is how you're going to behave, I can't let you go to friends' houses." your child should have no "magic words" to make you snap out of being angry. Being sorry is good, but the real time to be sorry is before you decide to be rude.

usually, anger was punishment enough, but if not, punishments were in order. the most important thing about punishing (i learned from being a teacher) is that you must follow through. never threaten something you don't intend to do, and never impose too harsh a punishment that you won't want to actually carry out later. for this reason, don't punish in anger. tell your child that you will need to think about what she should do to learn her lesson, and give yourself time to cool down and think of something that fits the crime. if she is rude to a friend's mother, you could cancel her next playdate, making sure she is there to hear you tell the other mother on the phone that you are not allowing her to go. if she is rude to your parents, you can temporarily take away something they do for her that she enjoys.

you work very hard to give your daughter a comfortable and happy life; she is not too young to realize that she, too, needs to contribute to making her family loving and happy. she has the power to take away from that happiness, and if she uses it, then she should feel the pinch by losing a little something that she enjoys.

good luck, Mom!

Puberty. SHUDDER!!! I remember going through that with my daughter. The first time in my life I ever hated my daughter. We both got through it though (don't ask me how). I'm a single mom too and I think that was the worse time of my life. Nobody warned me about puberty. :frown: Good luck. :flowerforyou:

Been there done that!

She sounds like a pre-pubescent girl who is unaware that there are other people on the planet. This is a little problem now, but will be really ugly when she is 16 or 18 and it's unchecked.

She needs more involvement in things which are not centered around her wants and desires. Martial Arts classes would be good. Volunteer work would be good. Household chores would be good.

While you say you don't spoil her. Apparently you don't insist on being treated with respect either. You need to say no often enough that she appreciates a yes. Her life and activites are not more important than yours and shouldn't be in her mind either.

The next time she wants to go to a friend's house tell her that she acted disrespectfully the last time and you're not going to repeat it. She'll act like you're killing her and being unreasonable. But just hang tough. She'll ask how long before I can go again. Tell her not until you feel that she'll treat you with respect and this tantrum isn't helping.

Thank you Lucky! I am a single mother!!!!!! I get up everyday at 6 am, I get a child out of bed and I'm out the door by 7. I work all day 5 day's a week. My child has swim practice 3 day's a week and swim meets on weekends. I go to school at a local community college and take 2 classes this semester. I do this without help from anyone except my parents who are available for some afterschool care otherwise she goes to an after school program that I pay for. Oh, and I almost forgot...NO CHILD SUPPORT from the dead beat father whom I once thought was better than that. I do the best I can and other than a few moment's my daughter is a great kid. This is not an all the time problem, just a once in a while thing, and I was looking for creative ways ( not just the typical you cant have this and that until you straighten out yout tude thing) to deal with her when she's having her moments...might I add...we all have out moments even as adults. She shows me respect every day.

and that's all I have to say about that...otherwise...thank you, very much, for your input.

I have 4 kids. My boys, very different and "easier" than the girls. My 16 yr old, thank God , matured and cut her attitude and is so fun now. Mind you, she went to a school this year 4 provinces away on a hockey scholarship, and I think being billetted and with a room mate, she's relized life and her siblings aren't that bad. I get that attitude at times with my 12 yr old. Very few, but more when she's tired. I have a No Tolerence Policy also. This is my house, you borrow a room until you're grown -clean it ,and do as I ask with my property or get out. You will respect us and others, especially adults, or you just don't get to go out for play dates or out with friends. To make a point, take her back or make her phone and thank them for the visit and apologize for her behavior. She'll think twice next time she acts like a 2 yr old. I call a spade a spade in my house. If you're gonna play games with me, lie, or be disrespectful, you will have to deal with the consequences. Taking stuff away from my kids never worked. Now that their older, they have to give me money. I have ALWAYS made the kids apologize for bad behavior to all people involved. But, now on the other side of the coin, all my kids know I will stand by them 100% and will fight tooth and nail for them to ANYONE. In fact, everyone of them has come to me for help and confided in me with a lot of their problems. The only other thing I do is make them do chores. Fold laundry, etc. Hang in there. I was a single Mom too. Just remember you are the boss, and even when you're mad, tell her you LOVE her:smooched: , and WHY you're punishing her. And always make her apologize for her bad actions. Maybe she's also acting out due to your divorce. I took my 1 son to a Psychologist at one point due to probs from our divorce and the rejection of his father. So, that's my words of wisdom for the month. Write me anytime you need to talk if you'd like. Take care.:flowerforyou:

hmmmmm...duct tape, comes to mind..lol, just kidding :laugh:

I have 7 girls and 1 son, and I do believe that she should lose priviledges. You need to follow through wih it, the most important thing in the world to her, is the item/event/friend that needs to kept from her. l YOU determine when she's learned her lesson. My 14 year old daughter as silly as it sounds her hair straightener is the ned all be all, mouth off, and you're going to school with curly hair, for her it's a nightmare, haha! I don't even get into the verbal matches any longer. There's no point they thrive on it. I give one warning, then I end that with if you start again then this....will be taken away, then I always give them a chance to start the conversation over and talk to me in an appropriate manner, heck with one of my daughters, I threw a fit right back. She thought I looked so silly and realized this is how she looked, she never did it again, I was lucky with that one....the others need punishment...hope I helped

just in case any one is wondering, I have twin 3 year old girls, quad girls now 14, a daughter who is 16 and son 17...plus right now, 5 foster children!!

BTW I think it's super cool that someone else has a ma mere puis un pa pere...c'est merveilleux!

hmmmmm...duct tape, comes to mind..lol, just kidding :laugh:

I have 7 girls and 1 son, and I do believe that she should lose priviledges. You need to follow through wih it, the most important thing in the world to her, is the item/event/friend that needs to kept from her. l YOU determine when she's learned her lesson. My 14 year old daughter as silly as it sounds her hair straightener is the ned all be all, mouth off, and you're going to school with curly hair, for her it's a nightmare, haha! I don't even get into the verbal matches any longer. There's no point they thrive on it. I give one warning, then I end that with if you start again then this....will be taken away, then I always give them a chance to start the conversation over and talk to me in an appropriate manner, heck with one of my daughters, I threw a fit right back. She thought I looked so silly and realized this is how she looked, she never did it again, I was lucky with that one....the others need punishment...hope I helped

just in case any one is wondering, I have twin 3 year old girls, quad girls now 14, a daughter who is 16 and son 17...plus right now, 5 foster children!!



BTW I think it's super cool that someone else has a ma mere puis un pa pere...c'est merveilleux!

Holy multiples!