Looking for friends and help! Such bad mental health towards losing weight and really need some supp

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anna_losingit
anna_losingit Posts: 17 Member
edited September 2019 in Motivation and Support
Hi, so this is like probably my 10th account on MFP and I can’t ever seem to accomplish my goals and at this point I have really horrible mental health towards keeping myself accountable I just don’t know what to do...

Basically I’ve been overnight most of my life but did manage to lose some weight in high school and was able to keep it off due to my hobbies at the time but once i got with my hubs I started packing on the pounds and have been around 200-220 for the last like 8 years I think

I found out I had pcos in 2015 and my doctors put me on metformin since I had a mild case of insulin resistance but like literally on the low side just enough to say “you have insulin resistance” and was told to do low carb/keto. Once I started I was seeing weight loss and kept it going for a while until I got pregnant and even after baby I was trying to get back on low carb, my doctors advised against it while pregnant not sure why but whatever. However after starting it again for the second time I started having some REAL issues with CRAVING everything carb laden and I’ve always had a bad sweet tooth and it was next to impossible for me to fight it. I would buy crap at the grocery store FULLY WELL KNOWING it’s what I shouldn’t have but it’s like I literally couldn’t stop myself. I also like smoking weed and getting munchies was like the end all and I would like binge every night. I’d be good and eat all my low carb things during the day and binge on crap food at night so my weight loss basically stalled if not went up.

I had some major life changes with my home and work, going back to school these last couple of years and things have just continued on that path of being in a horrible routine of this. I have gotten to despise low carb at this point and have talked with my doctor who says that since my insulin resistance is so low I can eat normally as long as I am eating healthy and try to limit carbs to whole grains and vegetables so that had been somewhat comforting. I just need to not focus on eating healthy and not feeling so guilty for not eating low carb foods.

Now, I’ve stopped smoking weed and the sweet cravings have subsided quite a bit which is great but i still have urges to binge on crap food and when I do i swell up like a balloon. Like 10lbs difference sometimes.

The other part about my journey that I am having a really hard time with is whenever I set rules for myself I completely ignore them. It’s like something takes over and just doesn’t give a F about what I just told myself I was going to do and I go back to my old tendencies. I guess I really need someone to help keep me accountable but I am going to have to force myself to also engage in that relationship because I seem to just not care but care at the same time.

I’m so tired of being overweight and I want to enjoy my life and my son and not feel so tired and lazy all the time.

I’m sorry I’m kinda rambling at this point and don’t even know if this all makes sense to anyone but I just really need some help and feel hopeless at this point.

Idk if youve made it this far thank you for reading my pity story...if anybody can offer suggestions or help I would be so grateful. I really need to get out of this mindset of self destruction and into a healthy mental state again so that I can finally do this.

Please comment any suggestions, and add me as a friend on here

Thanks 💕

[edited by MFP mods]

Replies

  • ljbutler1000
    ljbutler1000 Posts: 5 Member
    Options
    I can relate to the "beating myself up" part of eating the wrong foods. I too have a wicked sweet tooth and over the past 6 months completely lost control and gained 30 lbs. I discovered the Serotonin Power diet. It was developed by Harvard docs, specifically for folks who are emotional eaters and/or have medications that cause them to overeat (that was my problem). It's very structured, so you have to be able to commit to it, but it works wonderfully because it gives you enough carbohydrates at the right times of the day to keep your serotonin levels even throughout the day.
    I have to say, I tried it out of sheer desperation. I was to the point where I craved sweets so much that I found my car steering itself into the Walmart parking lot before work, where I would grab an 18 oz bag of peanut butter m&ms. I would finish that whole bag before the end of the workday. I felt like I had no control, and was watching someone else do this stupid thing.
    Anyway, 1 week in to the serotonin power diet, and I have totally stopped the junk food, I'm limiting myself to 1300-1400 calories a day (that's another secret - don't make your allotted calorie count so low that you can't live on it). My boss brought us all bagels this morning, and I put mine away to have later today when I'm allowed a carbohydrate serving. Two weeks ago, I'd have devoured at least 2 of them soaked in butter.
    I've lost 3 lbs, but to me that's not what matters. What matters is that I finally regained control of myself. And I'm not helplessly floundering, watching myself self-destruct with junk food.
    Something to think about anyway - the book is on Amazon, if you were thinking of trying it.
  • middlehaitch
    middlehaitch Posts: 8,483 Member
    Options
    kimny72 wrote: »
    Maybe try starting super simple, with hardly any rules. Just log your food, accurately and consistently while trying to hit a modest goal, like 1 lb per week. Set your carb goal lower but not too low. Eat foods you like. Move more, however and whenever you can. But just log and hit that calorie goal. It won't be exciting or dramatic, or Instagram worthy, but moving slowly toward your goal over a year or two, is better than stopping and starting over and over again and never making progress, right?

    Check out the Most Helpful Posts threads pinned to the top of each sub-forum, especially this one:

    https://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/1080242/a-guide-to-get-you-started-on-your-path-to-sexypants/p1

    I'm sorry you're struggling, hang in there :flowerforyou:

    Seconding this excellent advice with the alternate of just start logging, consistently and accurately (food scale for everything, checking mfg web/packaging info, or USDA.)

    Once you have a good handle on your logging, see what your maintenance cals are, log at that level. When you are ready give yourself a reasonable deficit.

    You have no need to be perfect every day, aim for consistency over time.
    Use your diary to check on what foods/ food combinations are nutritious, satisfying, and satiating.

    Cheers, h.
  • rheddmobile
    rheddmobile Posts: 6,840 Member
    Options
    When I find myself rebelling against rules I set for myself, it helps to look at why I feel that way. In my case I finally made the connection that these feelings were a leftover from my abusive childhood, when I (rightly) felt like the people setting the rules were out to get me. Once I noticed that, I could remind myself that I’m a grown up now and no one is making me do anything - these are things I choose to do for myself. No one forces me to get out of bed and go running. No one forces me to walk past the junk food display without buying anything, or put back the second half of the giant restaurant meal for later. It’s my choice.

    I am a type 2 diabetic, which means it’s easy for me to get trapped into feeling, “Oh woe is me, I’m a diabetic so I have to eat this way and exercise whether I want to or not.” But then I remind myself, the world is full of people who are diabetics and yet choose NOT to eat right or exercise. They choose to eat whatever and lay about and then they go blind and have kidney problems or have their feet amputated. In fact I had a dear friend who died last year from complications of diabetes, and she chose to eat two big servings of pie every night after dinner. That was her choice. I am making a different choice, to be as healthy as I can, even if it means sometimes not eating all I want.

    By the way, you don’t mention exercise, but it’s excellent for insulin resistance. Strength training in particular is beneficial. And another benefit of working out is that you can’t stuff your face while doing it.

    Anyway, I guess what I’m trying to say is, reframe your narrative. Instead of setting rules for yourself and then not following them, just choose to do the things that are good for you.
  • 88olds
    88olds Posts: 4,467 Member
    Options
    Another vote for a food diary. Keep your food diary going no matter what. It’s a thing to do. Only way not to do it is to decide not to. Should you forget at some point, go back and fill it in as best you can. It doesn’t need to be perfect to work. But be honest with yourself and try your best.

    Log everything into your diary. Even if you wildly blow up the numbers. Lapses, mistakes, bad planning- keep the diary. Don’t know the calories for that meal or dish? Make a good faith estimate and keep going. There’s a learning curve but it gets easier.

    Drawing red lines for yourself and then crossing them is destructive. But all of us on here overate until we stopped. Don’t concern yourself with how much you are losing or have to lose until you are running the process. You’ll feel a heck of a lot better. Feeling out of control stinks. Manage the process and the scale will follow.

    Calorie counting works. But it takes lots of persistence. Not an iron will, persistence. Keep tinkering and adjusting until you get it. It works. You can do it.
  • Constance320
    Constance320 Posts: 19 Member
    edited September 2019
    Options
    anna_losingit wrote: »
    Hi, so this is like probably my 10th account on MFP and I can’t ever seem to accomplish my goals and at this point I have really horrible mental health towards keeping myself accountable I just don’t know what to do...

    Basically I’ve been overnight most of my life but did manage to lose some weight in high school and was able to keep it off due to my hobbies at the time but once i got with my hubs I started packing on the pounds and have been around 200-220 for the last like 8 years I think

    I found out I had pcos in 2015 and my doctors put me on metformin since I had a mild case of insulin resistance but like literally on the low side just enough to say “you have insulin resistance” and was told to do low carb/keto. Once I started I was seeing weight loss and kept it going for a while until I got pregnant and even after baby I was trying to get back on low carb, my doctors advised against it while pregnant not sure why but whatever. However after starting it again for the second time I started having some REAL issues with CRAVING everything carb laden and I’ve always had a bad sweet tooth and it was next to impossible for me to fight it. I would buy crap at the grocery store FULLY WELL KNOWING it’s what I shouldn’t have but it’s like I literally couldn’t stop myself. I also like smoking weed and getting munchies was like the end all and I would like binge every night. I’d be good and eat all my low carb things during the day and binge on crap food at night so my weight loss basically stalled if not went up.

    I had some major life changes with my home and work, going back to school these last couple of years and things have just continued on that path of being in a horrible routine of this. I have gotten to despise low carb at this point and have talked with my doctor who says that since my insulin resistance is so low I can eat normally as long as I am eating healthy and try to limit carbs to whole grains and vegetables so that had been somewhat comforting. I just need to not focus on eating healthy and not feeling so guilty for not eating low carb foods.

    Now, I’ve stopped smoking weed and the sweet cravings have subsided quite a bit which is great but i still have urges to binge on crap food and when I do i swell up like a balloon. Like 10lbs difference sometimes.

    The other part about my journey that I am having a really hard time with is whenever I set rules for myself I completely ignore them. It’s like something takes over and just doesn’t give a F about what I just told myself I was going to do and I go back to my old tendencies. I guess I really need someone to help keep me accountable but I am going to have to force myself to also engage in that relationship because I seem to just not care but care at the same time.

    I’m so tired of being overweight and I want to enjoy my life and my son and not feel so tired and lazy all the time.

    I’m sorry I’m kinda rambling at this point and don’t even know if this all makes sense to anyone but I just really need some help and feel hopeless at this point.

    Idk if youve made it this far thank you for reading my pity story...if anybody can offer suggestions or help I would be so grateful. I really need to get out of this mindset of self destruction and into a healthy mental state again so that I can finally do this.

    Please comment any suggestions, and add me as a friend on here

    Thanks 💕

    [edited by MFP mods]

    Dude. I literally could have written this. I know exactly how you feel.

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