Did I do the right thing?

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jlprovost
jlprovost Posts: 109 Member
in Chit-Chat
I don't mean to be bearing my soul out there for a bunch of strangers to read, but I am so much better at writing how I feel than speaking it. I could also use any advice or experience anyone has on this topic because I don't know what to do right now.

I broke up with my boyfriend of over a year last night. It is a very complicated situation but in a nutshell I am a senior in college and he still has a year left and I am in a very future thinking mood. He plays football for our college and has been completely swamped with practice, meetings, and school. I am a nursing major who also works part time. This past month or so we have been so disconnected and distant. We would never talk (not even texting) and when I did think of the future and what I wanted I wasn't convinced it was him. We had a sit down talk about it which just ended in a lot of tears and inevitably a break up.

I was so sure of it yesterday and now I am sitting her in my empty bed listening to sad songs and wishing he was here. My roommates, friends, and family has been an amazing support but I am just worried I overreacted or just jumped to the breakup part of it too quickly. He is out now getting wasted with his roommates and a bunch of random girls they called over and it just hurts to know that I hurt him so badly and that he could potentially make some extremely stupid decisions tonight.

I'm sorry this is so long I just have so many thoughts and feelings going through my head. Thank you for taking the time to read a bit into my head.

Replies

  • hush7hush
    hush7hush Posts: 2,273 Member
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    I think if you don't intend on being with him forever, then there's no point in wasting your time, or his.

    Have you agreed to try to remain friends? Is that possible?
  • MissionABS
    MissionABS Posts: 80
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    If that is how he is reacting to the breakup, then you definitely made the right decision.
  • bregalad5
    bregalad5 Posts: 3,965 Member
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    I agree with Hush. If you didn't see him in your future plans, you did the right thing by calling it off now instead of "wasting" more time with him. If you don't plan on getting back together, I would take the time to focus on yourself instead of worrying what stupid things he might be up to right now. I know that sounds harsh, but I can't think of a way to say it any nicer.

    *big hug* you'll be alright. From what you said, it was likely going to happen sooner or later. Better sooner than later before even more feelings got tangled.
  • pinkgigi
    pinkgigi Posts: 693 Member
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    Everything you are feeling is totally natural and part of the breakup.

    You need to go at least 4 weeks without contact to get to the place where you are thinking rationally. Lots of people rush back into it because the breaking up part feels so bad. But you made the decision based on the situation and you have to trust that is right.

    Every hour you don't text or think about it is a win. Every day you go without texting him is closer to some closure.

    You can do it, you just need to be strong.

    *hugs*

    GG
  • jlprovost
    jlprovost Posts: 109 Member
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    I wish that was possible... but at the moment it doesn't look promising. Maybe in time but for now we are just giving each other space.
  • duqtape
    duqtape Posts: 121 Member
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    Everything you are feeling is totally natural and part of the breakup.

    You need to go at least 4 weeks without contact to get to the place where you are thinking rationally. Lots of people rush back into it because the breaking up part feels so bad. But you made the decision based on the situation and you have to trust that is right.

    Every hour you don't text or think about it is a win. Every day you go without texting him is closer to some closure.

    You can do it, you just need to be strong.

    *hugs*

    GG

    I agree.
  • bry_all01
    bry_all01 Posts: 3,100 Member
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    Hugs sweetie! You did what you felt you had to do. Of course you wish he was there right now. Its comfortable. Its what you know, what you are used to. You will be ok in time. Right now, you need to heal. And, healing takes time. But, you will find that guy that you see in the long-term picture once your heart mends itself.
  • cmonskinnylovee
    cmonskinnylovee Posts: 339
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    Today my boyfriend of three years and I broke up, for some what similar reasons.

    I know it's easy to re-think your decisions after you've made them, but just remember there were reasons for this break up. Very valid reasons at that. And from what it sounds like, if you hadn't ended it yesterday it would have ended soon because both of you are in two completely different points in your life.

    Don't think about him, just focus on yourself. That was the whole point, right? And feel free to add me, I'm going through the same thing unfortunately :(
  • jlprovost
    jlprovost Posts: 109 Member
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    Thank you so much for all your advice everyone. I truly appreciate it. I guess I am just going to have to get used to late nights alone for a while and hopefully keeping myself very busy during the day. Time heals all things and I know there is soooo many more people to meet and things to experience in this life before I want to settle down.
  • I_give_it_2_u_str8
    I_give_it_2_u_str8 Posts: 680 Member
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    You probably did the right thing. Besides you're only 21, live it up! ;)
  • UpToTheChallenge
    UpToTheChallenge Posts: 247
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    I find that after a break up, we start to second guess ourselves when we're alone or when we're doing something that we'd usually be doing with our significant other. It sounds like you knew it wasn't going to last with him and as we get older I think we should be with someone we see as part of our future.
    There will be times where you miss him more than others, especially at the beginning, but try to keep yourself busy and try and remind yourself why you made the decision you did!

    :) good luck! It's never easy, but hopefully it will get easier as time passes.
  • La_Amazona
    La_Amazona Posts: 4,855 Member
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    And here I am listening to Adele's "Someone like You"... :brokenheart:

    I'm sorry you're hurting and that he's hurting.

    You said you've been disconnected for a month. A month isn't THAT long and maybe just a talk would had done. Ya'll both sound busy.

    But if it's been on your mind for longer, or if you've been feeling this way for a while, then you did the right thing.

    I'm just trying to throw out thoughts.
  • sunkisses
    sunkisses Posts: 2,365 Member
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    If your only concerns are that your hurt him, he'll make stupid decisions, and you're lonely - NO you did not make the wrong decision. Breakups hurt, babe. Even when you want the breakup, there's something sad about letting go of someone who is a good person. As I tell my people, though - Just 'cause he's a good guy, doesn't mean he's the good guy for you. He'll be ok, and so will you.
  • fbmandy55
    fbmandy55 Posts: 5,263 Member
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    It's going to hurt and maybe for a long, long time. . There are a couple ex's that I would never be with again given the chance but I still think about or miss at times. Put your focus into working out, feeling good about yourself, seeing girlfriends and you will start to feel better!
  • adrian_indy
    adrian_indy Posts: 1,444 Member
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    Rational thinking and logic hardly ever go hand in hand with our emotions. If you were in a clear, and logical mood when you were breaking up, then the loneliness of laying in bed and being newly single is going to be tough on anyone. So if you couldn't see yourself with a guy in the future, it was the right call. If it's just the fear of a 1 year difference in graduation and you didn't want to wait, then you were never really invested in the first place. I'm not slamming you, but if you knew he was the one, the 1 year difference, even if meant rarely seeing eachother, you would have found a way to work it out. But it sounds as if the interest was already waning on both sides.
  • krash999
    krash999 Posts: 476 Member
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    well i will let you know how it goes if you don't break it off early when you see it going nowhere. about a month ago i broke up with my girlfriend of 7 1/2 years. i saw it going nowhere after about a year and i did not want to hurt her. that and she was my first actual girlfriend. we met and started dating when i was 20. well fast forward 7 years that weren't completely terrible, but she was making me feel more and more like killing myself... so before i did something stupid i broke up with her. even though i was completely miserable with her for the first while i thought i had made the wrong choice since i missed someone in my bed when i went to sleep, and it was just hard to live in an empty house. im just lucky that my best friend needed somewhere to live or i would still be in a empty house wondering if i made the right choice.

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