Adulting limits? Responsibility fatigue?
amandaeve
Posts: 723 Member
I do many things every day that fit in the box of "I want to and it's good for me but it takes a lot of effort and wears me out" (Waking up on time, staying active, going to work, being a good partner/daughter/in-law, managing finances/etc., socializing, going to bed on time). When it comes to eating right, I often feel like I've simply reached the limit of how much I can push myself. I wonder if I'd control my eating better if I removed other "work" off the list. I don't want to do an exchange, of course. I do a good job on the above and can't imagine giving any of them up. There's only a few things in my life that come naturally and feel easy. That's spending time with my best friends (which I only have the opportunity to do once every few months), continuing to work once I got to there, and preparing nutrient-dense meals (my eating problems are in eating too much in addition to my nice healthy meals). Does anybody else feel tapped out in this way? I feel like I have so many responsibilities, how does one add more?
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I feel the exact same way. The last year or so I've been so busy all the time, and it feels like adding anything else is just too much. Yet I don't know what to cut back on in order to make time for myself.1
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I also feel like this. I have decided that my socializing is going to be split for my sanity. Now I’ll have friends come to my place to hang out and spend some time together. And while we hang out generally I’ll prep food for the week or tend to the chickens and other animals1
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I feel like this too - except for me, meal planning/eating isn't a big hassle, but exercise is what takes a backseat.
I do get out for long hikes on weekends and long walks a couple nights per week...but when I try to do this 6 evenings per week it rarely happens because other responsibilities get in the way. I try to not see it too black/white like I have failed if one week I only make it out for 2 rounds of "real" exercise...I will just do better the next week.
Sometimes I think about joining a gym for doing weights and stuff. But I feel like I have way too many other things in my life...and truly it's not THAT stressful, I am married with no kids and work full time and am a primary caregiver for my disabled mom but she's fairly independent so I only do that about 10 hrs/week. It takes a lot of time & energy just keeping up with work, family, finances, cleaning, etc. I also have hobbies and like to spend a lot of time with my husband. Fortunately we exercise together sometimes but it is still hard to fit everything in.3 -
Glad to hear I'm not alone. In my case, it's not that I'm too busy or things get in the way. I have the time to do what I want, I just don't have the energy. It's like all my stamina just gets used up.2
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Thankfully eating within a particular calorie limit is one of those things like showering in the morning or brushing your teeth ... just a habit you take a few minutes each day to do while your mind is on other things.2
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Glad to hear I'm not alone. In my case, it's not that I'm too busy or things get in the way. I have the time to do what I want, I just don't have the energy. It's like all my stamina just gets used up.
Two things pop out to me about your situation.
One is that you may want to schedule a visit to a doctor for a check up. I wonder if your thyroid level isn’t a little low, or if there is some other physical issue that renders you out of steam at the end of the day.
The other is that if you happen to be an introvert, being around people all day drains your energy, and your batteries need to be recharged by having some quiet time alone. I happen to be an extrovert, and draw my energy from being around others. The book Quiet by Susan Cain was very eye opening for me, considering how many introverted relatives I have. I learned a lot, and highly recommend it. If you happen to need time every day to recharge spent batteries, there is nothing wrong with that!5 -
You know something - although I “hear you” - I’m only going to listen for so long. This probably isn’t what you want to hear - but stop making excuses. Not putting food in your mouth doesn’t take time or effort. You’re allowing life to overwhelm you and you’re using that to let yourself off the hook when it comes to achieving your goals re: eating right.
Take another look at your list. It includes waking up, going to work, earning and spending money, being a family member, seeing people, eating, going to bed. Sounds a lot like “living” to me. Why are these very normal parts of life such an effort for you?
I appreciate that everyone has specific problems, pressures and challenges and your list is likely an oversimplification of everything you face each day - but when you distil your list to its basic components, it’s not that terrifying is it?
You obviously have good things in your life: friends, family, a job you enjoy. Is it time to sit back and appreciate it more? Seems like you need a shift in mindset. Try writing 3 things each night that happened that day that you feel grateful about. It might start to subtly change your outlook and “life” might feel less like hard work.
Good luck!7 -
Sounds like you're putting a lot of self-imposed stress on yourself. I'm in the same boat. I think if you're a committed person, then you will have self-imposed stress from work, home, and self. And getting better about managing that takes effort also. Maybe taking a step back and thinking 'what IS important?' and then putting those 2-3 things first. For me it's family time with kids, then work, then my own personal things (like exercising and home projects). The eating part, that's just something you have to do all the time, and no doubt it's hard. You can do it, just don't give up, you'll get there.4
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I'm like that too. Weight loss requires mental energy, for which there is a limited supply of. It's simply impossible for me to do stuff all day, my mind needs downtime.1
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Thankfully eating within a particular calorie limit is one of those things like showering in the morning or brushing your teeth ... just a habit you take a few minutes each day to do while your mind is on other things.
Very well said ^^^^
What's more important than prioritizing your health?1 -
Yes but eating isn't the thing that pushes me too far (or what feels like too far). It's various things that take more emotional effort for me than choosing what I do and don't eat and in what portions. Finding a job, dealing with the stress of applying to grad school, pushing myself with rowing even though it can be scary, etc. That said, I don't have much of an emotional attachment to food. Yes I really really like good food, but it's not a thing that soothes me emotionally.
How do I add more responsibilities/do things that I am feeling tapped out in? More often than not, I remind myself why I want to or need to do the thing. Sometimes I will also just give myself breaks. Either of the thing that I don't want to do or of something else which will then free up more emotional energy.1 -
Glad to hear I'm not alone. In my case, it's not that I'm too busy or things get in the way. I have the time to do what I want, I just don't have the energy. It's like all my stamina just gets used up.
I agree with the poster who said you should talk to your doc if you can, there can be physical reasons for low energy that are easily fixed
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@aokoye
Is there anything you can remove from your list or delegate to someone else, or just ask for help with?
Yes and no. For me a chunk of the overwhelmed feeling is not helped by my depression and anxiety. My mental health issues, while very present in my life, are being treated as effectively as possible - it's just a long process. That said, I do have a lot of support in terms of grad school stuff and I had a very positive job interview this morning. Thanks for asking though
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I have anxiety, depression and ptsd. I completely understand. 💜
Good luck with the job!4 -
I want to be a radically brilliant person so even tho I totally understand this I also know that I want to max out all efforts in my health which means eating right. I enjoy meal prepping and trying new ways to be better. Now things that fall by the wayside is socializing and such. I am pretty militant on my routine. Find balance is key.0
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I think it would help you to meet with a dietitian and draw up a food plan that you can follow day by day/week by week. That way you are eating the same things everyday, things you love and you are not putting any energy into preparing different meals, it will become habit instead of a burden. You could also make a daily routine to deal with some of the other stuff.0
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cyaneverfat wrote: »That way you are eating the same things everyday, things you love and you are not putting any energy into preparing different meals, it will become habit instead of a burden. You could also make a daily routine to deal with some of the other stuff.
This ^^ ... that way, when you become really busy, the eating part is just "background noise" and you can focus on other things.
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Pretty sure most people on a tight schedule feel this way to some extent. It's all about balance. Myself, being a full time working mom with 2 toddlers.... feel this alot lol I agree with others about how healthy eating and meal prep just becomes routine and a way of life. I actually kind of consider it a hobby now lol It's not ideally how i want to spend my time, but I know it is/will be worth it for me and my family in the long run!0
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You make a great point ... there is no doubt that changing the way you eat to lose weight takes work, mindfulness, and energy. I just clear my priorities to put eating healthy and keeping the weight off at the top of the list.
Really... I feel better and can do more and desire to do more when I eat right. And..it makes me super happy when I can fit into clothes and look my best. But.. it has taken a lot of work and I have knocked other things off my list to make room for my fitness priorities. Put yourself first..there is nothing wrong with that.0 -
Funny enough, I am meeting with a dietician. My referral to the dietician resulted from complaints to my primary care doctor who didn’t know what to do with me. We did all the tests. And then some more. I’m as healthy as I’ve ever been. The majority of my day is driven by my focus on personal health and wellness. Haven’t had any insights with the dietician yet after 4 visits. I don’t have anything getting in my way other than lack of stamina. We shall see...1
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I feel this so much! I teach 3rd grade and am constantly making decisions throughout my day and running around and I find it so so hard to make being healthy yet another thing. I try to plan my calories out for the week and log them early so I can just eat whatever is planned but I struggle if I end up eating out/going off schedule/etc. and sometimes it adds to my stress levels. Anyway, I'm going to a counselor soon to hopefully relieve a little stress and get some tips on how to fight all the decision fatigue! I'll let you know if I find anything helpful 👍2
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I found this infographic the other day. Replace "self-care" with "adulting" and this is what I am thinking of. I can solidly manage 29 things on this list, but I try to add one and I feel like I reached a cap of some sort, I'm just worn out and tired so I make the choice that doesn't serve me.
I don't think anybody alive does all these things, that doesn't seem realistic. That being said, there are 5 things I want to add that I think would do me a lot of good. I wonder if I should try to expand my adulting/responsible/self-care cap somehow, or focus on giving up one of the things I'm good at to allow more space for the things I really want to add? It seems like the former is my only option, as I can't imagine letting go of what I have (all boxes are checked for emotional, personal, space, and financial. Unless this very post is indicative of poor stress management. I am not sure if I'm over-stressing just by thinking of this or if this is a healthy desire to maximize my wellness and place....)
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A lot of it is about finding balance, like many other people have suggested. But for me, I made a decision that fitness and a healthy diet would me my top priority. Sometimes my house is a little messy. Sometimes I don't catch up with friends as much as I should. Sometimes I'm not a perfect sister or daughter-in-law etc. Sometimes my boss doesn't think of me as the perfect employee, when I leave at 12pm on the dot every day to take a walk at lunch, even if a "crisis" comes up. But I ALWAYS find time for my health. Make it a priority. Be selfish. Let something else fall off your plate. Nothing is more important than your health.5
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I have a big problem with this, to the point where I can definitely start neglecting important parts of responsibility (like paying bills and cleaning my cat's litterbox daily) because I'm just so tired of it all. Right now I'm practicing rewarding myself for "regular" responsibilities like making my bed. I use Habitica so I get a small amount of "coins" for each completed habit and then I can "spend" them on rewards when I've saved up enough.
I'm also working on trying to follow an 80% rule to combat perfectionism. I remind myself that getting 80% of the way there takes a minuscule amount of time compared to trying to get 100% of the way there. Things like sweeping the kitchen floor but not mopping. Sweeping makes it look way better and even though it isn't perfect, chances are no one is going to notice the 20% missing. So, I always sweep, and only mop if I'm in the mood. I will usually be in the mood often enough, but if I'm not, it won't become a insurmountable problem because sweeping keeps it nice enough to extend times between mopping. If I had to both sweep and mop every time, I'm more likely to do neither because of the dread.10 -
RelCanonical wrote: »I have a big problem with this, to the point where I can definitely start neglecting important parts of responsibility (like paying bills and cleaning my cat's litterbox daily) because I'm just so tired of it all. Right now I'm practicing rewarding myself for "regular" responsibilities like making my bed. I use Habitica so I get a small amount of "coins" for each completed habit and then I can "spend" them on rewards when I've saved up enough.
I'm also working on trying to follow an 80% rule to combat perfectionism. I remind myself that getting 80% of the way there takes a minuscule amount of time compared to trying to get 100% of the way there. Things like sweeping the kitchen floor but not mopping. Sweeping makes it look way better and even though it isn't perfect, chances are no one is going to notice the 20% missing. So, I always sweep, and only mop if I'm in the mood. I will usually be in the mood often enough, but if I'm not, it won't become a insurmountable problem because sweeping keeps it nice enough to extend times between mopping. If I had to both sweep and mop every time, I'm more likely to do neither because of the dread.
I could have written this post (go figure!) Right down to scooping the litterbox and sweeping but not mopping.
I also feel like my tolerance for "busy-ness" is low. I'm an introvert. It takes significant stretches of quiet downtime for me to even begin to recharge, which is very inconvenient for someone with a full-time job, spouse, children, pets, etc. I try to appreciate to busy days, knowing someday they'll be gone, but it doesn't keep me from wishing for a week straight where I don't have to talk to anyone
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RelCanonical wrote: »I have a big problem with this, to the point where I can definitely start neglecting important parts of responsibility (like paying bills and cleaning my cat's litterbox daily) because I'm just so tired of it all. Right now I'm practicing rewarding myself for "regular" responsibilities like making my bed. I use Habitica so I get a small amount of "coins" for each completed habit and then I can "spend" them on rewards when I've saved up enough.
I'm also working on trying to follow an 80% rule to combat perfectionism. I remind myself that getting 80% of the way there takes a minuscule amount of time compared to trying to get 100% of the way there. Things like sweeping the kitchen floor but not mopping. Sweeping makes it look way better and even though it isn't perfect, chances are no one is going to notice the 20% missing. So, I always sweep, and only mop if I'm in the mood. I will usually be in the mood often enough, but if I'm not, it won't become a insurmountable problem because sweeping keeps it nice enough to extend times between mopping. If I had to both sweep and mop every time, I'm more likely to do neither because of the dread.
I could have written this post (go figure!) Right down to scooping the litterbox and sweeping but not mopping.
I also feel like my tolerance for "busy-ness" is low. I'm an introvert. It takes significant stretches of quiet downtime for me to even begin to recharge, which is very inconvenient for someone with a full-time job, spouse, children, pets, etc. I try to appreciate to busy days, knowing someday they'll be gone, but it doesn't keep me from wishing for a week straight where I don't have to talk to anyone
YES. People at work wonder why I take staycations most of the time, and it's because I just need a few days to talk to nobody. I just want to lay with my cat and watch some videos. I don't even participate on forums on those days. I just need a break from all social interaction. I don't hate social interaction, but it's so exhausting that I start to neglect myself if there is too much of it.6 -
RelCanonical wrote: »RelCanonical wrote: »I have a big problem with this, to the point where I can definitely start neglecting important parts of responsibility (like paying bills and cleaning my cat's litterbox daily) because I'm just so tired of it all. Right now I'm practicing rewarding myself for "regular" responsibilities like making my bed. I use Habitica so I get a small amount of "coins" for each completed habit and then I can "spend" them on rewards when I've saved up enough.
I'm also working on trying to follow an 80% rule to combat perfectionism. I remind myself that getting 80% of the way there takes a minuscule amount of time compared to trying to get 100% of the way there. Things like sweeping the kitchen floor but not mopping. Sweeping makes it look way better and even though it isn't perfect, chances are no one is going to notice the 20% missing. So, I always sweep, and only mop if I'm in the mood. I will usually be in the mood often enough, but if I'm not, it won't become a insurmountable problem because sweeping keeps it nice enough to extend times between mopping. If I had to both sweep and mop every time, I'm more likely to do neither because of the dread.
I could have written this post (go figure!) Right down to scooping the litterbox and sweeping but not mopping.
I also feel like my tolerance for "busy-ness" is low. I'm an introvert. It takes significant stretches of quiet downtime for me to even begin to recharge, which is very inconvenient for someone with a full-time job, spouse, children, pets, etc. I try to appreciate to busy days, knowing someday they'll be gone, but it doesn't keep me from wishing for a week straight where I don't have to talk to anyone
YES. People at work wonder why I take staycations most of the time, and it's because I just need a few days to talk to nobody. I just want to lay with my cat and watch some videos. I don't even participate on forums on those days. I just need a break from all social interaction. I don't hate social interaction, but it's so exhausting that I start to neglect myself if there is too much of it.
Today is a full day of conference calls at work. Tomorrow is an all-day meeting. I will be a grumpy, exhausted mess by the end of this week, if not before. It's not that the work is harder on these days (if anything it's easier); it's just the peopling .6 -
Adulting can be a real drag some days. My biggest weakness is right after work when I'm tired, hungry, and can't imagine cooking or working out. I'll do well all day and then...ay here goes the bad food. I think I'm going to try journaling on here after work to remind myself of why I'm doing this and take some sparkling water. Ill give it a try and see how that works! I really want to lose this weight. Good luck!2
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I found this infographic the other day. Replace "self-care" with "adulting" and this is what I am thinking of. I can solidly manage 29 things on this list, but I try to add one and I feel like I reached a cap of some sort, I'm just worn out and tired so I make the choice that doesn't serve me.
I don't think anybody alive does all these things, that doesn't seem realistic. That being said, there are 5 things I want to add that I think would do me a lot of good. I wonder if I should try to expand my adulting/responsible/self-care cap somehow, or focus on giving up one of the things I'm good at to allow more space for the things I really want to add? It seems like the former is my only option, as I can't imagine letting go of what I have (all boxes are checked for emotional, personal, space, and financial. Unless this very post is indicative of poor stress management. I am not sure if I'm over-stressing just by thinking of this or if this is a healthy desire to maximize my wellness and place....)
You don't have to do everything! Adulting is about prioritising. What matters most to you? And it may vary by the day or week or month or year.
You might find this thread interesting ... https://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/10708923/whole-of-life-challenge/p1
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