Failed Test Balloon Launches

floofyschmoofer wrote: »

I have a similar story?

I have dogs, and I am able to go check on them on my lunch break. When I leave to go back to work, I always holler over my shoulder to them I LOVE YOU! as I'm opening the door.

Well, this particular day I was in a rush so I had grabbed my keys from the table by the door and was looking down at my left hand fumbling with them to find the right one to lock the door behind me, and with the right turning the doorknob and opening the door. I'm moving at max speed and just hurl the door open and holler I LOVE YOU into the space in front of me, then really LOOK in front of me and there is a man ON MY DOORSTEP with a landscaping flyer he was about to tape to my door. We are almost toe-to-toe.

When I get startled, I jump a little. And it just so happens I was holding onto a little secret in my trunk to release into the wild where it belongs on my way to the car. And I simultaneously did a little shock-leap and let out a MACHINE GUN QUALITY TOOT. All in the span of maybe 3 seconds from me grabbing my keys.

I just kinda blinked and was like, ...Oh. I have to go to work... and showed the guy my keys like he's the Porch Police in my neighborhood and I had to prove it. He nods and is like, yup, shoves the flyer -- tape and everything-- into his pocket and kind of speed walks back to his truck parked on the curb at my neighbor's.

And that's the day I farted in front of a stranger and inadvertently told him I love him.

XxFunctionalStrengthxX wrote: »

We were driving home from a relative of the (ex)wife for something. Well, the (ex)wife and kid were giving me some crap about something. While this was going on, thanks to the meal I ate, I was really getting gassy. Was letting it slowly out, while the two of them are ripping into me.

After a couple slowly eeked out, I could tell they were really powerful. So, I had had enough with their BS. Reached over, hit the power window lock button to prevent the windows from being rolled down, and leaned over and just let one rip. They both stopped and gave me the "How dare you?!" look.

Then, the stench hit. The (ex)wife's comment was "Oh dear, God. I'm going to gag..." followed by her pulling her shirt up over her mouth and nose. I could hear the kid starting to gag in the back seat once it hit him, follow by a "Dad! My eyes are tearing up!"

When they realized they couldn't roll the windows down, they begged me to unlock the windows and let some air in. I just sat in silence for the rest of the ride home, basking in my own glory.