Update on previous post...

I don't know how to link it, but the post was title: "Can you help me troubleshoot my issues with my cycle of injury, falling off the wagon, and gaining?" Appearance- and weight-wise, not much has changed over the last couple of months. But physically and internally, I think I have improved leaps and bounds. It's like my body and mind have finally had the "AH HA!" moment that has been alluding me for so many years.

So I guess you could say that my NSV's are taking off even if size hasn't changed (yet). Once I stopped making excuses everything seemed to start falling into place and became so much easier! Even though the information I have read, reread, repeatedly didn't change, I like I am now "hearing" it rather than just listening to the words.

1. I no longer torture myself with exercise for 1-2 hours/ day at the gym. Since I'm not hurting myself doing stuff that I hate, I have so much less pain and burnout. I actually have grown to love and look forward to working out! I still go 4-5 times per week, but now I have a purpose and a plan.
2. I have started the Strong Curves program (3rd week). I really like the structure and focus on proper form. Even having worked with PT's in the past, I now realize that even the trainers had me doing excersises incorrectly. (And my knee and back pain have been minimal over the last month. )
3. I still take Barre classes 2-3 times a week. I really enjoy them and I can tell a huge improvement in my strength and endurance. I can now at least half of the plank combinations in full plank position with before I have to switch to the modified knee position. 2 months ago could only do half of anything even starting from the modified position. I can also now do multiple sets of (still modified) pushups, as opposed to not even being able to do 1 properly.
4. I have stopped worrying about others around me at the gym. The only person I am in competition with is myself. But even that has adjusted. I don't judge myself based on what I used to be able to do. Thus, bo more pushing my body to where I "think" I should be vs where I actually am.

I am still tracking my food, but I have shifted to focusing on nutrition rather than obsessing over ever calorie. I am hopeful that this will help "repair" my metabolism. I was really bummed when I saw the discrepancy between what my BMR "should" be (1710 I think) based on my body scan, and what my RMR actually was (1008) when I did the breathing test. Obviously if I really have a RMR that low, there no way to legit eat at a deficit consistently. So now, I am eating very consciously and trying to fuel my body and get stronger. I go back at the end of this month for follow up rescans/testing. I am excited to see if there is a significant difference in my bf / lmm ratio.

Anyways, thank you all for the support, feedback, and encouragement. I am am excited to continue on this path regardless of what the scale says or if I ever get back into a bikini. The improvement in my mental health (severe depression, anxiety, OCD) is enough to keep me motivated right now.