Teachers & Cops (clean funny)

Anna_Banana · February 2009

Teachers and Cops

These are actual comments made on students' report cards by teachers in the New York City public school system. All teachers were reprimanded (but, boy, are these funny!)

1. Since my last report, your child has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.

2. I would not allow this student to breed.

3. Your child has delusions of adequacy.

4. Your son is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.

5. Your son sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.

6. The student has a 'full six-pack' but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together.

7. This child has been working with glue too much.

8. When your daughter's IQ reaches 50, she should sell.

9. The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.

10. If this student were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.

11. It's impossible to believe the sperm that created this child beat out 1,000,000 others.

12. The wheel is turning but the hamster is definitely dead.
These are actual comments made by 16 Police Officers.
The comments were taken off actual police car videos around the country:

16 'You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through.'

15 'Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them a while.'

14 'If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document.'

13 'If you run, you'll only go to jail tired.'

12 'Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you.'

11 'You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?'

10 'Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?'

9 'Warning! You want a warning? O.K, I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket. '

8 'The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?'

7 'Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop.'

6 'Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven.'

5 'In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC.'

4 'How big were those 'two beers' you say you had?'

3 'No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can.'

2 'I'm glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail.'

AND THE WINNER IS....

1 'You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here.'

Anna_Banana · February 2009

Teachers and Cops

These are actual comments made on students' report cards by teachers in the New York City public school system. All teachers were reprimanded (but, boy, are these funny!)

1. Since my last report, your child has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.

2. I would not allow this student to breed.

3. Your child has delusions of adequacy.

4. Your son is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.

5. Your son sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.

6. The student has a 'full six-pack' but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together.

7. This child has been working with glue too much.

8. When your daughter's IQ reaches 50, she should sell.

9. The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.

10. If this student were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.

11. It's impossible to believe the sperm that created this child beat out 1,000,000 others.

12. The wheel is turning but the hamster is definitely dead.
These are actual comments made by 16 Police Officers.
The comments were taken off actual police car videos around the country:

16 'You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through.'

15 'Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them a while.'

14 'If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document.'

13 'If you run, you'll only go to jail tired.'

12 'Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you.'

11 'You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?'

10 'Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?'

9 'Warning! You want a warning? O.K, I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket. '

8 'The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?'

7 'Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop.'

6 'Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven.'

5 'In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC.'

4 'How big were those 'two beers' you say you had?'

3 'No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can.'

2 'I'm glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail.'

AND THE WINNER IS....

1 'You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here.'

Anna_Banana · February 2009

My hubby's a teacher and I'm sure there are a few report cards he would like to write comments like this on.

MTGirl · February 2009

LOL - some of those are sooooo true! I thought #3 under the police comments was great. And 11! Well, all of them really :laugh:

mommared53 · February 2009

I thought the cop comments were pretty funny but Ithe teachers' comments . . . well those are just very hurtful and shocking to me. I remember as a little kid in about 2nd grade the teacher made a comment in class something to the effect that working with Betty was like climbing up one step and falling back two. Even at that very young age that statement was very hurtful and I have never forgotten it. Talk about cracking your already fragile self confidence. :frown:

chrissyh · February 2009

:laugh: :laugh:

I loved the last one!

mburris · February 2009

I thought the cop comments were pretty funny but Ithe teachers' comments . . . well those are just very hurtful and shocking to me. I remember as a little kid in about 2nd grade the teacher made a comment in class something to the effect that working with Betty was like climbing up one step and falling back two. Even at that very young age that statement was very hurtful and I have never forgotten it. Talk about cracking your already fragile self confidence. :frown:

I am a teacher. No, I would never write that on a report card. But, I do laugh at what was written. If we did not laugh at things like this, then we would lose our minds. Take everything with a grain of salt.

Anna_Banana · February 2009

Yeah, I would never indorse saying anything like that to a kid, but I'm sure there are times when most teachers have thought about it. I go to a lot of high school functions and you see some of those kids that if they would just put forth any effort what-so-ever could do something, but they choose not to try at all.

pettmybunny · February 2009

Don't these email jokes always say it's something that's truely been said. What do you think the odds are that these teachers said that kind of stuff? Whether New Yorkers or not. Take them as a joke, because I'm sure that's what it was, not real comments. I heard the one where if someone was any dumber they'd have to water him on TV the other day....

Anna_Banana · February 2009

Don't these email jokes always say it's something that's truely been said. What do you think the odds are that these teachers said that kind of stuff? Whether New Yorkers or not. Take them as a joke, because I'm sure that's what it was, not real comments. I heard the one where if someone was any dumber they'd have to water him on TV the other day....

Your so right. Most of the time people start these and say they are true, but I would guess that the majority of e-mails that say that are false

12by311 · February 2009

some of those kids that if they would just put forth any effort what-so-ever could do something, but they choose not to try at all.

Ding ding ding!

mburris · February 2009

You are right about the kids. I see so much potential wasted. By the time they get to me, 11-12 grade. They think they have it figured out. I love my kids, but it is sad to see where they come from.

Anna_Banana · February 2009

My husband teaches upper level math, and he gets so up set because there are so many that are smart, but they are too lazy to do the work. Or they have parents that tell them they won't ever need that type of math because they didn't. I tell him to tell the kids if they plan on doing exactly what their parents are doing then maybe they need to be in a different class. And explain to them that even if they don't think they will need it, if they plan on going to college, they will probably have to take some sort of math.

Teachers & Cops (clean funny)

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