"I didn't want to offend you"

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Replies

  • isabelk
    isabelk Posts: 153 Member
    People are saying these things to you because they are unhappy with being overweight.
    Practice saying these firmly in the mirror:

    Awww, thanks for your concern. My doctor is happy with my healthy weight. Are you happy with your weight?

    You know, underweight is BMI 18 and under. My BMI is 22. What's yours?

    What a rude thing to say! If you knew me better you'd know I'm at a healthy weight.

    Where's my knight in shining armor? You should be proud of me and how healthy I am.




    Keep in mind I am an aggressive person with few social skills LOLOL!
  • Lleldiranne
    Lleldiranne Posts: 5,516 Member
    Many of us have had the same reaction from people. I think part of it comes from their own insecurities (they feel more exposed being overweight now that they are with a healthy-weight person), part of it from having to mentally adjust to the new you, and partly from the fact that so many Americans are overweight that slightly heavy looks normal and obese looks less intense than it is - then normal weight looks skinny. Add that to the fact that it has become very un-PC to say anything to a fat person about their weight, and it gives a lot of fuel to pick on the healthy person.

    Whatever it is, just let them know you appreciate their concern but you are focusing on being healthy and you are making your choices based on that. Then tell them you'd rather not discuss the subject any more unless they want to start talking about their own weight and diet. That might silence them quickly :)
  • fiberartist219
    fiberartist219 Posts: 1,865 Member
    You are taking care of yourself. Period. You are not taking care of all the other yahoos around you. Don't worry about what they have to say.

    Interestingly enough, all the girls in my gym class in high school said I looked anorexic. Of course, it was the overweight girls that said that, but anyway... I look back at pictures of myself from that time, and yes, I was very bony. However, I ate whatever I wanted, and I was somewhat active. I was healthy, and that's what mattered. (And my boobs grew a lot more in college than they did in high school. Who cares?)

    I have a friend who is 5'4" and 95lbs on a good day. She gets comments like that all the time. However, I've had many meals with her, and spent time hanging out with her, and I know good and well that she does not have an eating disorder. She does have a few issues with her intestines, but she is now gluten free and while she feels great, she still looks the same.

    If people REALLY don't want to offend you, they will learn more about you than just the way you look.

    Anyway, just tune them out the best you can, keep eating well and exercising.
  • Jenna70
    Jenna70 Posts: 130 Member
    Congratulations! Sounds like a healthy weight to me! I am 5' 3 1/2" tall and my goal weight is about 140 pounds. But honestly, I am more concerned with the size of my jeans... I still have my favorite pair of size 10 slim cut Levis and that is my goal... I fit in them about 9-10 years ago and I think I weighed 145 or so. I wore size 10 and some 8 and I looked great. It is not all about the number on the scale -- amount of muscle and bone structure has a lot to do with how a person looks. I have a muscular and athletic build and a fairly large bone structure and have always been on the high side of those damn charts as well.
    The people commenting must be either jealous or having trouble adjusting their image of you from what it was to what you look like now... whatever it is their problem, not yours. And your boyfriend is probably nervous someone will steal you away because you are a hot babe now! Give him some reassurance of your feelings for him (if you want to keep him) and tell him how much better you feel about yourself.
    I can't wait to get to my goal weight and if anyone tells me they think I am too skinny or asks if I am sick I will smile and say, "I am perfectly healthy, but thank you for your concern" then walk away.
    I also think continuing to count your calories is a smart way to keep on top of what you are eating and avoid gaining it back.
  • It might be possible that whoever said these means things may be jealous of your success. If they are not a close friend or relative just blow it off. Life is too short to get worked up by insensitive people like that.
  • Thetera
    Thetera Posts: 49 Member
    i weigh the exaact same as you, im the same age as you, and im the same height on top of that. its a completley healthy weight i feel healthier at this weight than i ever did at my higher weights before i went on MFP. my doctor is always telling me that im so healthy its obnoxious. You're right, people should have been afraid for your health before, not now. i get alot of mean people telling me im anorexic or that i shouldnt excercise or diet because im skinny. but people dont always understand that thats how you get there, and thats part of being healthy. In the end what matters is medical opinions. and if my doctor says im healthy with the exact same stats as you, you probably are too.
  • kapeluza
    kapeluza Posts: 3,434 Member
    Be a Honey badger.
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4r7wHMg5Yjg

    Seriously it sounds like you are doing things the correct way. Stop letting other peoples issues get to you.

    ROFLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL
  • digihed1
    digihed1 Posts: 8 Member
    I've been getting the same comments. Don't listen to them.
  • agthorn
    agthorn Posts: 1,844 Member
    Be a Honey badger.

    +1!!!
  • You should give them a great big smile and say "Congratulations on getting your medical degree! I didn't even know you were in medical school." Then tell them that until they do get their medical degree that you will keep living a healthy lifestyle and they can keep their traps shut.
  • cheekymonkeyface
    cheekymonkeyface Posts: 46 Member
    I personally think people still expect to see the 'fat' you and it's not got through to their brains (i use that term lightly) yet that your body shape has changed.

    If i were you i'd take your hubby down to the doctors with you for a check up. If it helps take a diary of a few days of what you eat generally. The doctor can do the necessary tests and give you the all clear. Your hubby will hear exactly all sorts of diseases obesity could have given you later on in life and he can put the haters in the picture in future when they say anything..

    And as for 'boobs' comments, just tell em your saving for some new ones xxx
  • stellcorb
    stellcorb Posts: 294 Member
    I lost around the same amount of weight you did and got some of the same comments. I think part of it is that ppl do have a hard time adjusting to such a drastic difference. Also, ppl hate when someone makes them aware of the calories they're eating... even if it's not intended. I feel like after a bit, everyone gets used to the new you and doesn't make as big of a deal about it all.
  • catcrazy
    catcrazy Posts: 1,740 Member
    There may be no malice or jealousy involved...quick true story


    A few years ago my sister lost a considerable amount of weight, shes 5ft 8 and got down to 160lbs and i thought she looked too skinny and voiced my concern so she pointed out that I was an inch shorter and 24lbs lighter than her....(at the time!)

    i wasn't being malicious or jealous, it was purely because I had been so used to seeing her larger, took her pointing it out to make me realise tho.

    Well done on reaching your goal!
  • Michelle_M2002
    Michelle_M2002 Posts: 301 Member
    I am 5'6 and my goal weight that I have picked out is 145.

    If you are happy where you are, then be happy where you are. You accidentally lost a little bit while trying to balance out your calories, and from what I hear that's normal for a lot of people.

    Are you at a healthy body fat percentage? If so, then don't worry about what other people say.

    I think a lot of times people are uncomfortable with our weight loss success, because it makes them either.
    1. Realize that THEY need to make changes and they feel guilty about it so they want to know you down.
    2. The thinner friends realize that you are no longer the "fat friend" that makes them look super good and now you are "competition."
    3. They are true friends, but are so used to seeing you over weight that they have to get used to the new you.

    I would simply say something like, "I'm happy with my success, and my doctor says I am so much healthier now. I'm not planning on losing anymore."

    Are you working out? If you've only lost weight by cutting calories, it might be time to do some strength training and put some lean muscle on your body to tone up. If you're happy with where your tone is, because you've been working out this whole time, then good for you.

    At the end of the day, when it comes to your personal goals, the only person you have to answer to is you.

    :hugs:

    God bless!

    And GREAT job!!!!
  • What is wrong with being thin? I ask myself this quite often because I am starting to feel like it is a crime to be thin in today's society. Are we just so accustomed to obesity that we fail to see thin people as "normal" and think they are sickly?

    I think you hit the nail on the head.
  • spyork
    spyork Posts: 187
    Your doing everything right, if people don't like it *kitten* them. Your great so carry on being great.
  • KayteeBear
    KayteeBear Posts: 1,040 Member
    I'm thinking that it could be also because so much of the population is overweight that maybe people are seeing chubbier as normal/healthy. But if it's close friends then I'd say it's because they're too used to you being heavier that they haven't processed the change yet.
  • VeganGal84
    VeganGal84 Posts: 938 Member
    Congrats on hitting your goal weight!!!

    I'm 5'6'' with a goal of 140, and will definately NOT look (or be) anorexic at that weight... so I don't get why people are feeling the need to be so nasty to you. I would guess some of them are jealous, and the ones who are actually concerned probably just don't know what a healthy weight looks like. Hang in there, you're doing the right thing!
  • _gwen
    _gwen Posts: 501 Member
    Great job on reaching your goal!

    Next time you go in for your medical check-up, ask the doctor what she/he thinks. If your BMI is 22, you should be fine. But I'm no doctor and I don't have enough information for a full picture. Your blood pressure and cholesterol levels matter too.

    Don't forget that 2/3rds of Americans are overweight. I think there is a distorted perception by some people that being a healthy weight is underweight. As others on the forum point out, there is conscious and unconscious sabotage, perceptions based on what you used to look like, and plain old confusion about what healthy looks like.
  • There may be no malice or jealousy involved...quick true story


    A few years ago my sister lost a considerable amount of weight, shes 5ft 8 and got down to 160lbs and i thought she looked too skinny and voiced my concern so she pointed out that I was an inch shorter and 24lbs lighter than her....(at the time!)

    i wasn't being malicious or jealous, it was purely because I had been so used to seeing her larger, took her pointing it out to make me realise tho.

    Well done on reaching your goal!

    THIS! It's the juxtaposition of the large(ish) you they have in there head to the slim you. If you were a stranger they would think you looked normal but as they remember you as large you look skinny.

    Most times it isn't malice-but sometimes it is jealousy.

    Yay for your weight loss, you (and your health care professional) know what is a healthy and happy weight for you!
  • KeriA
    KeriA Posts: 3,330 Member
    Just for a reality check I too am 5' 6" tall. I am small boned and pear shaped. I think that setting your goal to 140 was about right and for your age 136 is not too small unless you have larger frame. My goal weight is 150 but I wouldn't think I was too thin at 137. I didn't really start to develop up top until my early 20's. I think I looked really good at 137 after having my first child. I remember wearing size 5 pants when I was at my slimmest before having children. I did get too skinny Freshman year of College. People told me I was and I listened but I was at 99lbs. I was trying to stay away from junky dorm food and I guess I just couldn't find enough healthy food there. So as long as you are in the healthy range you should be good. You set realistic goals and have been somewhat conservative which is good considering your age. Do you have a small, medium or large frame? I was wearing size 6 or 61/2 shoes and had small hands and I knew I had a small frame. My weight ranged between 127 and 142 when I was younger. One thing to think about once you have decided what is your ideal weight is to try and maintain it closely for 2 months. That way you body will reset at that weight and see it as your normal weight and help you to maintain it. If you gain or lose it will mess up this process of resetting your weight. If you don't your body will try to take you to your last weight it saw as normal. So find that weight you want to be and maintain it without gaining or losing more than a pound or two for at least 2 months and don't listen to others if you are in the healthy range of weight. At your next physical ask your doctor. Congratulations on your hard work and success.
  • amerr
    amerr Posts: 190
    I've had people comment on how "skinny" I am my entire life. It can get really annoying. People don't go around mentioning to people that they are "fat" right to their face.

    Don't let these people bother you though! You are healthy and taking care of yourself and should be proud. I don't think it's acceptable the kinds of things people are saying, but I don't think they are ever going to stop.
  • Gonzolaz
    Gonzolaz Posts: 5 Member
    It's "nice" to hear that others have the same issue as myself. The thing that really gets to me is that the people who tell me I need to stop losing weight/I'm getting too skinny are the same people who told me to lose weight in the first place. Well, at least they're consistently saying there's something wrong with me... Meh, I've still got 30lbs to go!
  • If People are making comments about your weight loss, it usually has a touch of jealousy because you look great. As long as you feel good about the way you look, and are maintaining you weight its other people(especially strangers) who have a problem or an issue of thier own which they can't confront.
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
    I have another take on it...

    Perhaps overweight has become the norm and therefore anyone not overweight bothers them or looks odd to them. Again, I would go to my doctor, get the clearance, and be done with it. Maybe they should be more concerned with their appearance and not yours.

    i agree, overweight is normal, which isnt a good thing.

    i wouldnt bother going to the doctor, as long as you are happy and healthy as you are, just ignore what people say, they are probably just jealous.

    when i think about people who have commented on my weight loss, it has been mainly my male friends, very few of my female friends have said anything at all...
  • rybo
    rybo Posts: 5,424 Member
    Congrats on the weight loss.

    I feel that this country has become so accustomed to seeing heavier & overweight people, that when a person loses weight and gets down to a "normal" healthy range, people have no idea what "healthy" looks like and feel that person is too skinny.
  • springtrio
    springtrio Posts: 429 Member
    One of the things I DID NOT expect from weight loss is the ****ty comments, and the broken relationships it would bring. Now is the time to surround yourself with like minded individuals, and get the negative ones out of your life.
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