14 yr off and on struggle/ current depression

BrettNS wrote: »

Hi all,

Long time lurker off and on first time poster.

Struggled with weight my whole life as I weighed in at 330 lbs at High-School Grad and finally decided to make real changes two years later. I ended up losing 160 lbs and was my lowest never at 170. Maintained for awhile and went back up to around 180 and that's where I felt the most healthy.

It's been a struggle off and on since then. Up and down etc but this time I am facing huge mental health issues with Major Depressive Disorder and Anxiety , as well as stress being off work because of this.

Long story short I'm the closest to 300 I've been since losing the weight 14 years ago at 270 lbs. Not looking for sympathy just need some support and maybe a push to get healthy and stay healthy for my family. Have logged for a year + before successfully so hoping to do it again.

Anybody else who is depressed and dealing with massive weight gain from emotional eating I know your struggle. Just wanted to introduce myself and hope to take more part in this community.

Currently logged 3 days. it's a start.

I should add depression has reared its ugly head many times before but never to the current level.

I struggle with bipolar disorder, anxiety, and substance abuse...so I get you. I'll give you some tips that helped me.

I realized that Lifting is literally the backbone of my life. My work ethic, my diet, my alcohol intake, my confidence, my caring about my appearance...EVERYTHING. when I fell into depression 3.5 years ago, I stopped lifting and literally everything else fell apart and I gained 95lbs. When I finally had enough 2 years later, I just got back to the weights. That was it...soon enough, I came on here, started tracking to cut, and really everything else followed suit. Now it doesn't have to be lifting, but being active in some way that you love, will help loads.

If you struggle with anxiety, I suggest meditation. Every day. If you miss a day, start again the next. It takes time, a few months of it regularly, to notice a change but one day you look around and realize your anxiety is less (not gone) and your focus is better.

Track your food, eat for a goal, look for progress week to week. Build momentum, because once you have momentum it's easier to keep going.

If you struggle with depression, don't reach for booze. It doesn't help anything...I'm speaking from experience here, and this is definitely one of those "do as I say not as I do" things because I still reach for a beer when I stressed or bummed or whatever - it's not good, I'm aware of it, I'm just thankful I developed an off switch for it at least and can stop at 2 beers these days instead of 20 like I used to. Doesn't make it ok though.

Hope this helps

BrettNS wrote: »

Sorry for the bump. Having the first really bad depressive episode since logging again and need motivation to stay on track.

How do you handle a bad day? Any emotional overeaters want to add me?

Do you have a therapist? If not, I would really suggest you look into finding one. If you're in the US, Psychology Today's therapist search can be very helpful as is the one on Goodtherapy.org. They both have a database of therapists in other countries as well, but I'm not sure how robust their databases are for providers outside of the US.

When things are especially bad (and even when they aren't), I countdown the days until my next therapy session. I think there have been times when I've counted down the hours honestly. Therapy doesn't make everything better for me (if only), but it is a reprieve of sorts. I live with a more or less constant fairly high level of depression that doesn't shift to even mild levels and said "episode", if you could even call it that, has lasted for over 10 years.

I should note that my main coping mechanism is hiding in bed, but becuase I'm very functional (in the clinical usage of the word "functional") it's hard for me to do that or my more maladaptive coping mechanism (which is neither food nor substance related). Lately I've tried to do things like play more of the Sims (which can really distract me so I have to watch the clock) and if I know things are spiraling further down hill (say something happened or my therapist is taking a day or a week off) I'll try to call a friend or go out to breakfast or lunch with a friend. The food thing is typically a "my therapist is on vacation" whereas calling a friend is saved for when something has happened without warning. Learning to trust that it's ok to call someone has been hard but it's getting incrementally easier.

Another option I don't typically use but other people find helpful is calling crisis hotlines (you don't have to be suicidal to call them despite the name).