Hiya guys

hey! i’m aliza and i never used to be obsessed with my weight, i used to be 54kg and a pretty healthy person. i ate whatever i wanted and never gained weight. last year i went through a breakup and ever since i’ve been insecure of my weight and forever feeling like i’m not skinny enough for my ex. i focused on losing weight for a month and went down to 51-52kg. i gained weight back due to binge eating but never went above 52kg, again because of my fast metabolism i was able to eat so so much and never gain weight. my weight loss was up and down the place, sometimes i’d feel bad about my weight and try to eat less or focus on calories and eat healthy and sometimes i just wouldn’t care and ate to comfort myself. i remained 52kg until something triggered me to lose even more weight, a few months ago i met his new gf, who btw is EXTREMELY skinny and i realised that most of his ex’s and girls that he’d talk to were all skinny and i wasn’t. i was slightly chubby and had fat thighs and stomach. that’s when i stopped eating meals and focused on my weight even more. i carried on this way til the summer holidays and went down to 50kg in two weeks. then as the summer holidays came i made a goal to get to under 50kg. i told myself i was gonna look nice for him and did everything i could to lose weight, but my mum didn’t agree with my methods and i returned to my normal eating routine ( i ate slightly less then usual though)

fast forward to now, i have been on a diet for three weeks and i have went from 50kg to 47kg. my weight did go up to 48 and down again but that was because i kept changing my diet and my mum again didn’t approve of my ways. i was in the hospital last week for several health problems and had to start eating properly again, before i used to eat no more then 1000 cals, and my weight went back up to 48kg.

this is all very confusing, long story short, i am currently 47.8kg/ 105lbs? and i’m aiming for 45kg. my metabolism isn’t as fast as it was anymore and i cannot eat as much as i did before without gaining weight. in fact i can’t eat more then 1000cals without gaining weight. 1000 cals is only to maintain my weight. i have to eat around 800cals a day to lose even 1kg a week. i have ruined my metabolism in the past cuz of my eating disorders. this time i’m gonna stick to a diet and a good workout routine and i will get him back eventually. weight loss is just a tiny part of me trying to get him back. i’ve done so much more and i am willing to do so much more to get him back and losing weight is just a tiny part of all of this