Failure Stories
Semele0
Posts: 114 Member
Hello to everybody. I know the title of this post may sound contradictory, since we are in the Success Stories section, but what I mean is that I would like to hear from you about the times you failed before you succeeded.
I am now starting again in my path to lose some weight, and I feel so demotivated. The first time I used MyFitnessPal I actually was able to lose some weight, was proud of myself, but then I put them all on again during a stressful time. Since then I tried various times to start again, but every time I only kept logging food and staying under the calorie limit for like a week, before I quit and lost motivation.
Now I'm at it again, and I feel like I don't know how to avoid this cycle of starting and quitting continuously, and I feel that one of the main reasons is that I can't shake off the idea that even if I will be successful I won't be able to keep the weight off, because I wasn't able the first time I tried.
I know it is all about changing your lifestyle, and this is exactly what frightens me, that I know I can't stay focused my whole life on the way I eat. Paying attention to what I eat costs a lot of my focus everyday, so whenever there are more urgent things in my life I can't keep focusing on this and I quickly gain again.
I know that I am not the only one that struggled with this cycle of going up and down, so I'd really really appreciate to hear some stories from someone who went through this and was able to break the cycle and loose constantly and keep it off after various unsuccessful attempts.
Thank you to everyone who will share their story or any suggestions on how to break the cycle, I'm really grateful!
I am now starting again in my path to lose some weight, and I feel so demotivated. The first time I used MyFitnessPal I actually was able to lose some weight, was proud of myself, but then I put them all on again during a stressful time. Since then I tried various times to start again, but every time I only kept logging food and staying under the calorie limit for like a week, before I quit and lost motivation.
Now I'm at it again, and I feel like I don't know how to avoid this cycle of starting and quitting continuously, and I feel that one of the main reasons is that I can't shake off the idea that even if I will be successful I won't be able to keep the weight off, because I wasn't able the first time I tried.
I know it is all about changing your lifestyle, and this is exactly what frightens me, that I know I can't stay focused my whole life on the way I eat. Paying attention to what I eat costs a lot of my focus everyday, so whenever there are more urgent things in my life I can't keep focusing on this and I quickly gain again.
I know that I am not the only one that struggled with this cycle of going up and down, so I'd really really appreciate to hear some stories from someone who went through this and was able to break the cycle and loose constantly and keep it off after various unsuccessful attempts.
Thank you to everyone who will share their story or any suggestions on how to break the cycle, I'm really grateful!
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Replies
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I made a thread outlining my previous regain and what I learned to help prevent it this time. It is always a different story for everyone, so my biggest advice is to see your "failure" as merely practice, and figure out what things made it hard to succeed, so you can focus on those.
https://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/10759145/for-those-who-have-lost-and-gained-and-are-losing-again-what-ive-learned/p111 -
One thing that helped me was to sit down with myself and really hash out my goals. What do I really want out of weight loss? What is fitness going to do for ME? "Look hot" "Lose that extra padding" "Work out cuz it's healthy for me" have never been very motivating goals for me. Like I could look hot later.. OR have that extra taco NOW. I could work out because healthy OR I could watch that extra episode now.... This sends me into that start and stop cycle much like you. What really got me going was to figure out what exactly I wanted to accomplish with diet and exercise. For me, I was sick of not being able to hike anymore and not be able to keep up with my husband without feeling like death. It took the fun right out of an activity I once felt pleasure doing. So I focused on that. I began training and doing exercises aimed at getting better at hiking so I could do it with ease the next spring. Weight loss was part of that goal to. It would be easier to lug less weight up the mountain. I lost 20 lbs in 9 months and was able to accomplish that goal. Now, I am struggling with much of the same and also need to take my own advice and re-evaluate my goals, lol. I have been very lax with counting (not at all). And my summer felt so busy I had trouble focusing on working out. Back to the drawing board for me if I want to continue and not slide back.
For it to feel less overwhelming one thing I've learned from past failures is to start one thing at a time. I would always go "START ALL THE FITNESS!! ALL THE CALORIES!! ALL THE HEALTH!!" Which would leave me feeling overwhelmed and hungry and I would just give up. I would say start with one thing at a time such as just counting (not reducing) your calories until you get the hang of it. Then scale them back. Then add work outs when you feel ready. And then just keep tweaking and changing little things as you go. It will soon become habit. When you slip up, just get back to it as soon as you are able. Not all days (or weeks even) will be perfect. But the more you get back into your new habits, the easier they will become to stick with. And the longer lasting your results will be.6 -
My chart shows a 6 year span. I hit my highest weight of 180 three times over the first few years. If you see where the green arrow is pointing to, that is Jan 2018. That’s when I took control and made myself a priority!
I haven’t been perfect and I took a break here and there, but I know that when I am focused, this process works! Each time you see my chart go down is when I was diligent about logging. I’ve been refocused since this summer and I am at my lowest weight since getting out of college about 15 years ago. And I’m not done yet!
Have you calculated your maintenance calories? Somehow that helped things click for me. Maybe you have a day when you go over your calorie goal, but do your best to stay at maintenance. That way you won’t be gaining. Another option is to do some cardio on a day that you anticipate eating more.
Log everything!
Be intentional and don’t give up!
You got this!
*edited to fix chart image...first time posting a pic. 🤦♀️18 -
Many of us have started over. It is not uncommon to lose and regain. I used to see it as failure until I started over this time. I actually see it this time as a tool to help me figure out how to not let it happen again. I spent a lot of time taking an honest look at what did and didn't work for me before and figuring out how to use it now.
I knew this time it had to be more than just losing weight...it had to go beyond that. While weight loss is very important to me what I found is that my quality of life was more important. First thing I had to do is figure out what "quality of life" meant for me. I found out that it was so much more than just how much I weighed. I looked at how I ate and the foods that I was eating and ask myself how did this fit in with what I wanted out of life. My activity level came in to play...I knew one day I wanted to climb a mountain(not literally...but maybe). You can't climb mountains sitting on you behind. I also took time to ask myself what I wanted my environment to look like...did I really need all of this stuff around me. I did a whole house purge and rid myself of things that just really didn't bring my life any joy.
It takes time to figure these things out and can be quite difficult at times. I just took one at a time and kept working on them. I also read this book about making new habits...it taught me a few things. I learned that yout bad habits never really go away(they are always waiting to take over)...you just have to learn to control them. Make knew habits that you turn to instead.
No one can tell you how to do this...you have to figure out who you are and what you want to be in the future. We can change if we want to and are willing to put in the work. I am 67 and I can change. My bad habits had a whole lifetime of control...it is my time now...what time I have left!
One last thing...find a way to make it fun, enjoyable whatever. No one wants to get up every morning and be miserable...12 -
Like the poster above me I started MFP in many moons ago, the first time I logged was in 2012. I lost about 20 pounds then and packed it all pack on about 4 months later. Then in 2014 i lost about 35 pounds but then i got pregnant with my first kiddo and again packed it all back on. Now in 2019 I've lost almost 40 pounds and am doing my darndest to keep it off.
The thing that has been somewhat life-changing for me is that I now realize that I'm going to have to do some level of tracking while in maintenance for a WHILE. When i started this time in March i said that i would track for at least a year and its been over 6 months and this is the longest I've been successful at continuously losing weight and not having a full blown meltdown about it.
The biggest change has just been mindset. Take things one day at a time and realize that if you want to change you have to be willing to make that change literally stick forever. I'm not exercising 3-4 times a week to lose weight, I'm exercising 3-4 times for the rest of my life so I feel better and i don't die of a stroke at 45. I'm not tracking my calories to make myself feel bad for eating food that I like. I'm tracking so that I am aware and cognizant of what I am putting in my body and making sure that my day has balance.
I have always approached my diet/exercise as a total dichotomy either I literally barely move my body and I act like exercise is a complete punishment and I eat literally anything my heart desires and to the quantities that make me sick OR I restrict to the point of not enjoying life and exercise about 5-6 times a week, this last time was the first time I didn't do that and it did take me longer to lose the weight but I was so much HAPPIER in the process.
Small things that made big changes for me
1) I didn't start exercising until i was like 2 months in to tracking
2) I didn't eat anything that I actively dislike for the sake of calories
3) I tracked everything every day even if it put me way above my calories not to punish myself but to be accountable- your body tracks it anyway
4) I realized that this is the rest of my life - tracking and exercising are not a means to an end, they are the way that I personally need to live for a WHILE until it becomes a legit lifestyle.10 -
OP, I feel and am living in your fear with you. I was very successful about 4 years ago, losing 75ish pounds. It was the first time in my adult life (I was about 46) that I had a healthy BMI, and even then I was on the cusp.
Then life happened and I gained back about 40. So, here I am today. I've successfully logged for 35 days. Not every day has been perfect or even close to, but I still logged. And, like others have said, and I've often lamented, I think that logging in some way or another is the only way I'll be able to keep it off once I reach my goal. Annoyingly, I believe that without logging, those pounds will pile back on because I'll eat too much. Also annoyingly, I think that's just my life now.
I've often heard that motivation gets you going but determination *keeps* you going. So you have to determine for yourself that you intend to eat and exercise in a way that will get you to and keep you at your desired weight and health level. Same for me!
Best of luck!6 -
MFP is new in my life, but the whole rest of my life has been nothing but failures, starting at age 16, my first time in Weight Watchers.
I've had numerous halfhearted failed attempts. Expensive gym memberships I never used. Hundreds of dollars towards "healthy" groceries that mostly went into the trash, covered in mold. Attempts to give up bread, fast food and cake (per Weight Watchers teaching) that failed, crushed against my apathy. Promises broken. Temper tantrums forgotten. Shame shrugged off.
What I've learned is that a person's default emotional state is a kind of positive or negative leaning neutral. Emotions like hate, shame, fear, and also "motivated" and "determined" all cool off because we're just not built to be at a constant emotional extreme. You can't rely on how you feel to make the kind of change that has to last forever because neutral doesn't lend itself to breaking free of routine. To quote Bill Nye: inertia is a property of matter. A great force is needed to break personal inertia and emotion isn't it.
That's why you lose focus. It's just too much work when you have to do a new thing but also feel like it's a Huge Undertaking and My Entire Life Must Change. A whole new lifestyle! Holy cow. Too much emotional force. Exhausting.
Make the world's least exciting change. Log a single food or drink a day. Just make that one tiny change. So underwhelming. Boring. You can do it without thinking about it.
Soon you are doing it without thinking about it. Then you do it again. And again. All of a sudden you're logging everything. You start to see boring ways to cut back: milk instead of cream in coffee, smaller sizes of things, etc. Those changes are also no big deal. Neither is walking around the block every now and then.
Suddenly you realize your lifestyle changed on it's own. This is the new inertia.
No emotional investment required.17 -
Small things that made big changes for me
1) I didn't start exercising until i was like 2 months in to tracking
2) I didn't eat anything that I actively dislike for the sake of calories
3) I tracked everything every day even if it put me way above my calories not to punish myself but to be accountable- your body tracks it anyway
4) I realized that this is the rest of my life - tracking and exercising are not a means to an end, they are the way that I personally need to live for a WHILE until it becomes a legit lifestyle.
This helped me a ton as well, mainly because I almost always felt like I ate more calories than I actually did after logging, even when being generously high with my estimates.
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I have succeeded in losing weight many times - but then failed at keeping it off. This time I am determined to lose it and keep it off. I realized that I HAVE to track to lose the weight because when I’m not tracking I eat all the things that I wouldn’t let myself eat when I was tracking. My downfall is when I stop tracking for various reasons: my birthday, thanksgiving, Christmas, vacations etc. and then don’t go back to tracking for months. So I end up regaining all the weight I just lost. Now I have decided to do it different. I have made a commitment to myself to track for one year. I have decided to give myself permission to not track on my birthday and holidays but I can only take the day off and have to start tracking again the next day. One day of not tracking isn’t going to derail me but weeks of not tracking will, so I have to start right back up. I am also not depriving myself - nothing is off limits I can eat it I just have to track it. I also realized that this isn’t a quick fix - look at any success story out there and the majority of them took 6 months to a year to lose the weight. Which is why I’m committing to tracking for a year - and will probably continue to do it when I hit maintenance. I have lost 10lbs so far (two months in) and am
slowly working on losing the next 10.
Commit for the long haul and you can do it!5 -
Thank you, thank you, thank you to everyone who answered this thread. It really helped to read you stories and advice.
As many suggested, I think I need to reevaluate my motivations. The fact is that I know losing weight in NOT one of my main priorities at the moment, and don't have the determination, the consistency, or the ability to commit. This is exactly why I am in this cycle. Someday I decide that I can do it, I take a small step, like just for today, I will log everything. Then a colleague brings a chocolate cake for her birthday, I eat a slice, have no idea how to log it because there are many different types of chocolate cake and I don't know how much it weights. So I don't. And I realize that I wasn't even able to keep the commitment for one day, how can I do it for all my life?
The real secret is consistency, I don't have it, so I should stop trying and spare me some delusion, right?
I know is not right, but it is difficult to convince myself that it is worth it to commit every morning and fail every evening, with the hope that someday something will click7 -
Crafty_camper123 wrote: »One thing that helped me was to sit down with myself and really hash out my goals. What do I really want out of weight loss? What is fitness going to do for ME? "Look hot" "Lose that extra padding" "Work out cuz it's healthy for me" have never been very motivating goals for me. Like I could look hot later.. OR have that extra taco NOW. I could work out because healthy OR I could watch that extra episode now.... This sends me into that start and stop cycle much like you. What really got me going was to figure out what exactly I wanted to accomplish with diet and exercise. For me, I was sick of not being able to hike anymore and not be able to keep up with my husband without feeling like death. It took the fun right out of an activity I once felt pleasure doing. So I focused on that. I began training and doing exercises aimed at getting better at hiking so I could do it with ease the next spring. Weight loss was part of that goal to. It would be easier to lug less weight up the mountain. I lost 20 lbs in 9 months and was able to accomplish that goal. Now, I am struggling with much of the same and also need to take my own advice and re-evaluate my goals, lol. I have been very lax with counting (not at all). And my summer felt so busy I had trouble focusing on working out. Back to the drawing board for me if I want to continue and not slide back.
For it to feel less overwhelming one thing I've learned from past failures is to start one thing at a time. I would always go "START ALL THE FITNESS!! ALL THE CALORIES!! ALL THE HEALTH!!" Which would leave me feeling overwhelmed and hungry and I would just give up. I would say start with one thing at a time such as just counting (not reducing) your calories until you get the hang of it. Then scale them back. Then add work outs when you feel ready. And then just keep tweaking and changing little things as you go. It will soon become habit. When you slip up, just get back to it as soon as you are able. Not all days (or weeks even) will be perfect. But the more you get back into your new habits, the easier they will become to stick with. And the longer lasting your results will be.
Thanks. This really helps. I can't deny that my main motivation is to improve he way I look, but is not the only one. I also would like to improve my climbing (I do free climbing, and as you can imagine, having fewer kilos on you helps a lot!), and my fitness level in general (the ability to hike, to walk long distances without feeling tired immediately, etc). I think having them in mind will help to make better choices, than simply thinking that I HAVE TO.
As for starting slow, I am, but I always feel like it is some sort of trick I play to myself. If I say I will only count and log, not restrict, my brain knows that it will bring me to restrict, so I can't help trying to do just that already. If I say, is just for today, or try for one week and see how it goes, my brain knows it is going to be for many years, if not forever, so the overwhelming feeling is there anyway.0 -
My chart shows a 6 year span. I hit my highest weight of 180 three times over the first few years. If you see where the green arrow is pointing to, that is Jan 2018. That’s when I took control and made myself a priority!
I haven’t been perfect and I took a break here and there, but I know that when I am focused, this process works! Each time you see my chart go down is when I was diligent about logging. I’ve been refocused since this summer and I am at my lowest weight since getting out of college about 15 years ago. And I’m not done yet!
Have you calculated your maintenance calories? Somehow that helped things click for me. Maybe you have a day when you go over your calorie goal, but do your best to stay at maintenance. That way you won’t be gaining. Another option is to do some cardio on a day that you anticipate eating more.
Log everything!
Be intentional and don’t give up!
You got this!
*edited to fix chart image...first time posting a pic. 🤦♀️
THANK YOU! This is exactly what I needed. I can't stop looking at your chart and thinking how you must have felt the first time your weight went back to the start. I think pretty much how I am feeling now. But you did it anyway! Amazing work, thank you for sharing!
I hope I will learn not to feel so down every time I have to start over, and just do it anyway. I owe it to myself.3 -
THANK YOU! This is exactly what I needed. I can't stop looking at your chart and thinking how you must have felt the first time your weight went back to the start. I think pretty much how I am feeling now. But you did it anyway! Amazing work, thank you for sharing!
I hope I will learn not to feel so down every time I have to start over, and just do it anyway. I owe it to myself.
If you fail, the best thing you can do is to learn from it and not make that one mistake next time. Each time I restarted, I got incrementally better at tracking.
You gave an example above about a piece of chocolate cake and not knowing calories so choosing not to log it. Next time, just pick any chocolate cake in the diary and add it. It won’t be completely accurate, but you can still work with it.
You need to develop the habit of logging everything. It gets easier over time, especially as your diary gets filled with your frequent foods. I also pre-log my day so I have an estimate of whether or not I have extra cals to play with.
I just remembered something...when I failed it was when I was aiming for 1200 calories and I would also try to do cardio and strength DVDs...it was too much. It was an all or nothing approach that made it too difficult to stick with. It took a lot of reading posts on the forums to realize that I wasn’t eating enough. 2018 is when I upped my calories and slowly incorporated walking, then running and finally strength training. This gradual approach along with a mindset shift of knowing that I will get to goal weight (not hoping or wishing I could) that has helped me be successful so far.
If I can do it, you can too! You are worth it!5 -
Like a lot of folks, my weight has been a struggle all of my life. I'm on day 115 & that sounds crazy to me. This is probably the longest I've been able to stick to any attempt at weight loss. I have a LOT to lose, so originally I just felt overwhelmed all of the time. I also struggle with perfectionism (i.e. my anxiety increases when I'm eating things I can't figure out how to log). Here are some things that are helping me this time over all of the previous attempts:
- The only failure is quitting. A gain is not failure. A day that is at or above maintenance is not a failure. As long as I'm still trying, I haven't failed yet.
- I only need to lose weight most days, not every day to be successful. I'm not going to lose this weight overnight & life still needs to happen while I'm losing. I will celebrate a birthday & have cake if I want. I will try to be present with my family on vacation instead of obsessing about whether or not I can log everything 100% accurately.
- I will not be unkind to myself by being overly restrictive or expecting perfection. I will, however, be honest & log everything as best I can whether it's within my goal or not. I will not eat foods I don't like or eliminate foods I do. I just try to make small changes to keep them within my goal for the day (i.e. I will put a serving of chips into a bowl instead to taking the whole bag with me to the couch.).
- If something feels too hard or I am unhappy in the process, I try to reflect on why & make changes if necessary. Not to say it won't be a challenge some days, but if my mood & attitude are decreasing more often than not, I need to change some things. One of the sayings I've seen several times on here is that losing weight is hard & having all the extra weight is hard. Choose your hard.
- I logon to MFP everyday & read through some of the message boards most days. Hearing other's struggles & triumphs, along with all of the excellent advice folks are willing to share has definitely helped! Pretty much everything on my list are things I've seen here on MFP. It's nice to not feel so alone in this process.
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I lost a lot of weight because I did everything my dietician told me to. I gained it back because she quit and there was no one to tell me how to lose more or how to maintain. I tried other dieticians, but they didn’t help. Now I’m trying to figure out how to do it myself. I have a lot of “aha” moments while reading MFP. Oh, so that’s why she told me to do that.
It’s a lot harder and a lot slower, but I’m getting an education I should have had in childhood and teens, and I definitely should have had before I had kids so I could teach them.
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46m/Father of 3/Married/Built like a powerlifter at 277lbs as of this morning. Weight has fluctuated from 215-289 over the last 10 years. Biggest failure has been letting "life" be an excuse for not taking proper care of myself.
I listen to audiobooks. I recently listened to "Atomic Habits" and from that put together a "single step" in the morning that has got me in the gym for 60 out of the last 66 days. The author discusses focusing on systems to accomplish goals instead of the goal itself. This resonated with me so I do one simple thing each morning. My feet hit the ground at 4:15 am. From there I just keep moving until I'm done with an hour or so at the gym. The goal is for my feet to hit the floor. I have only lost 5ish lbs but I put back on a lot of the muscle I used to have.
I've used MFP on and off for a few years. Today is the start of my next "single step" goal. I will add 1 thing to MFP per day. That is the goal and only requirement. Adding more is a bonus. Today I have added everything I've eaten.
I also printed out a calendar and keep it on my dresser. I simply write a "W" on days I train. I also put my weight on days I weigh in and put initials for the body parts I work. Seeing the days pass and the data build is very satisfying. The calendar will now start to include "MFP" on days I track that single food.8 -
I am in the same boat here! 🤚I'm within 6 lbs of my heaviest weight now. I can see it (everyone can), & feel it everyday. My clothes don't fit but don't have the money to waste on new clothes. I was 30 Lbs lighter, super fit, muscles showing all over my body.....but I let myself go. Not just once, this is my 4th time since I started my 1st weight loss journey in 2011.
Today is day 5 of getting back to logging & doing my 30 min per day HIIT video. My only goal is to feel good through exercise. That's it. I am logging as well because since I'm a 4th timer, I KNOW I won't succeed without tracking my calories in vs calories out.
My biggest hurdle has always been my surroundings and influences. It's pretty brutal for me so the only way to cope is avoidance as much as possible. That is what bothers me the most and has contributed to my failures. However, I am in control of my body and what I put in it. When ready, I will crawl little by little out from under my rock 😄
Know that you are not alone at all. In fact, you are running circles around people who don't care or never will!!8
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