Vulnerable post proceed with caution :)

gman7676
gman7676 Posts: 291 Member
in Motivation and Support
Feeling lonely is killing my attempts to lose weight. On the outside know one would have any idea I am feeling so lonely. Not sure how to push through it. I am a good friend to people and like helping them with their problems, but I keep my own insecurities and feelings buried deep. Not even this post makes sense, just thought I would try and share a little how I am feeling and see if there is anyone else who is this way. If there is, what do you do to push through? :/

Replies

  • gman7676
    gman7676 Posts: 291 Member
    rumbaimom wrote: »
    I experience loneliness very often as well. The only advice I can offer is that getting involved in group activities like volunteering, or community theater, etc helps me. Just making sure that once or twice a week I’m around a group of other human beings all working towards a common cause helps me. I believe shared experiences fosters friendships. It still hurts when my outreach to others goes unreciprocated. But then again, what’s the alternative? Sitting at home alone? I get enough of that already. Anyway, I think more people are lonely than we realize. There are a lot of us. Keep reaching out!❤️

    thank you
  • springlering62
    springlering62 Posts: 7,421 Member
    People perceive me as standoffish or stuck up when really I’m just shy and have terrible social skills.
    However, I will say, weight and loneliness seem to exascerbate each other. The lonelier I was the more I hunkered down by myself and read and ate and put on more weight.
    As the weight began to come off, I felt more comfortable putting myself out there, and, regardless of their motivations, others seemed friendlier. (Or maybe I was less critical of myself, and hence of others, too.)
    Maybe I’m just nicer or more approachable when thinner or something, but there’s definitely been some kind of change and it’s affected social-me a lot.
    There was an interesting thread earlier this year of people discussing how weight loss had affected their social life. Some thrilled and some who were rather hostile that people didn’t accept them as they were before. And plenty show shrugged their shoulders and said same old same old for them.
  • LAT1963
    LAT1963 Posts: 1,375 Member
    edited October 2019
    gman7676 wrote: »
    Feeling lonely is killing my attempts to lose weight. On the outside know one would have any idea I am feeling so lonely. Not sure how to push through it. I am a good friend to people and like helping them with their problems, but I keep my own insecurities and feelings buried deep. Not even this post makes sense, just thought I would try and share a little how I am feeling and see if there is anyone else who is this way. If there is, what do you do to push through? :/

    real intimacy requires revealing your own struggles to others, not merely being there always for them. Among your offline friends are there any you feel safe confiding in?

    online there's a degree of secure feeling because we are all at a distance unlikely to be able to do any more than psychological damage to you, so it can be easier to open up here with internet friends and 'strangers' than in real life--and then mute the trolls you find. But if you don't take the risk in real life, you wind up feeling isolated, as you do.

    We can be a 'band aid', here, but long term we're only part of the solution. If you have access to a psychologist, consider doing some talk therapy to help you figure out what makes sense for you to get more (emotional) intimacy among your friends in your physical-world life.

    PS: don't feel alone in this, a lot of people go through such feelings at least briefly, sometimes for extended periods.
  • LAT1963
    LAT1963 Posts: 1,375 Member
    edited October 2019
    springlering62 wrote: »
    People perceive me as standoffish or stuck up when really I’m just shy and have terrible social skills.
    However, I will say, weight and loneliness seem to exascerbate each other. The lonelier I was the more I hunkered down by myself and read and ate and put on more weight.
    As the weight began to come off, I felt more comfortable putting myself out there, and, regardless of their motivations, others seemed friendlier. (Or maybe I was less critical of myself, and hence of others, too.)
    Maybe I’m just nicer or more approachable when thinner or something, but there’s definitely been some kind of change and it’s affected social-me a lot.
    There was an interesting thread earlier this year of people discussing how weight loss had affected their social life. Some thrilled and some who were rather hostile that people didn’t accept them as they were before. And plenty show shrugged their shoulders and said same old same old for them.

    re: shy and terrible social skills: You've been reading my diary, I see....😅🤣
  • gman7676
    gman7676 Posts: 291 Member
    edited October 2019
    real intimacy requires revealing your own struggles to others, not merely being there always for them. Among your offline friends are there any you feel safe confiding in?

    online there's a degree of secure feeling because we are all at a distance unlikely to be able to do any more than psychological damage to you, so it can be easier to open up here with internet friends and 'strangers' than in real life--and then mute the trolls you find. But if you don't take the risk in real life, you wind up feeling isolated, as you do.

    We can be a 'band aid', here, but long term we're only part of the solution. If you have access to a psychologist, consider doing some talk therapy to help you figure out what makes sense for you to get more (emotional) intimacy among your friends in your physical-world life.

    PS: don't feel alone in this, a lot of people go through such feelings at least briefly, sometimes for extended periods.

    What you say makes sense to me. I wish I could explain how it almost freezes me. I know I need to seek out a psychologist, but for some reason the thought of doing so "freezes" me in a way. Not sure how else to describe it.

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