MFPers, I'm a lil disappointed...

mandemonious
mandemonious Posts: 217 Member
edited October 2024 in Motivation and Support
I can't complain about my overall experience using MFP. I've met some great people who inspire and motivate me. However, after falling off of mfp for 2.5 weeks, I came back with no "where are you's" and minus a few "friends"....

Now, don't get me wrong, the friends who are still here are appreciated and one of you wrote to check in and see where I was. But a few people just dropped me like a hot potato, presumably just because I didn't log in for a few weeks.

I could get into all the reasons I wasn't here (house guests, intense work travel and schedule, etc), but I'd rather focus on why I AM here:

I'm here to change my life and regain balance and health;
to meet people who understand the struggle I face with the issues that cause me to overeat and gain weight;
to encourage others who encourage me so that we can all be happier and healthier;
to ask "Where'd you go?" when you don't log in for a few days....

If you are one of the folks that a seeks the same in this social networking site, I'd love to be your friend. I want to build a community of people and friends that help each other out, don't you?

Replies

  • Happy0326
    Happy0326 Posts: 159 Member
    I'm so sorry you had to go through that....I hope I never have to. But I did learn not to delete someone just because they don't get on for a while. I haven't deleted anyone & will now make sure I never will. :smile:
  • mrsthompson2009
    mrsthompson2009 Posts: 2
    I will be here for you..I can't even count the numerous times i messed up..but this time i am ready
  • EricMurano
    EricMurano Posts: 825 Member
    Don't take it so personally darl. I've noticed some people delete me as a friend even when I'm logging in every day. Whatever their reasons are it doesn't matter. MFP would be useful to me without the social aspect to it.
  • LolasEpicJourney
    LolasEpicJourney Posts: 1,010 Member
    It sucks that you got "dropped like a hot potato"
    It is hard to keep up with people sometimes - but those who are truly there for you (and not using this as a popularity contest) should hopefully support you than those who dropped you - those are hte ones who truly matter anyways
  • LTGPSA
    LTGPSA Posts: 633 Member
    I'm a first timer using this site and have never met you before, but I'm here to say Welcome Back! :flowerforyou:
  • outersoul
    outersoul Posts: 711
    So it's other people's fault that they deleted you after you didn't log in for x amount of days?
  • sharonfincher1
    sharonfincher1 Posts: 311 Member
    I know how u feel.... add me... I will stick with u....
  • myheartbelongstocralle
    myheartbelongstocralle Posts: 43
    Welcome Back :flowerforyou:
  • Sandyslosenit
    Sandyslosenit Posts: 322 Member
    I had the same experence. I fell off the wagon for a few months and gained back everything I lost. When I got my act together last week and logged on for some support ,I saw my friend list had dwindled quite a bit. Lol. But this is about me so here I am starting over and in need of some friends. I'll suport you through this journey and if I don't here from you for awhile , know that I'll be here waiting.
  • colbiegirl
    colbiegirl Posts: 138
    First and foremost, welcome back!

    I totally agree with what you're saying. It is understandable to go missing for a few weeks at a time - everybody has lives! As long as you come back and keep on track the best you can, there's no need to be deleted. Maybe the people who you thought were your friends and supporters really aren't there for you as much as you'd like. If you need any supporters, I'm always here and I'll stick by you!

    :flowerforyou:
  • mea9
    mea9 Posts: 561 Member
    So it's other people's fault that they deleted you after you didn't log in for x amount of days?

    This.

    I just deleted someone who constantly had comments like "yeah I had cake and don't regret it". She had mostly been logging in. I don't care. I didn't have cake and I don't want to hear about anyone else's. That was her choice. Deleting her so she doesn't show up on my newsfeeds everyday was mine.

    I kind of allow a month (not an acctual rule just my guess). I send a few "how r u doing" notes. After that you aren't really participating. My suggestion is that if you are going to be off for an extended period let people know. Other than that...It's your choice.
  • Ky_Ty
    Ky_Ty Posts: 5
    It's good that you're back! Because all we can really do is keep trying. You can add me if you want, I'm kind of new so I'm getting use to the site. I wouldn't worry about the people that delete you as friends, just make new, better friends. :tongue:
  • mandemonious
    mandemonious Posts: 217 Member
    Thanks for the support folks. I don't blame anyone for the choices they make, only try to encourage better ones. But the social networking/accountability aspect of MFP is definitely one of the reasons I chose it over the countless calorie counters out there. I work better knowing that there are people that relate out there that I can push that can push me and round and round....

    I appreciate those of you who friended me. Best to you in your journeys and I'll be here :bigsmile:
  • mandemonious
    mandemonious Posts: 217 Member
    So it's other people's fault that they deleted you after you didn't log in for x amount of days?

    This.

    I just deleted someone who constantly had comments like "yeah I had cake and don't regret it". She had mostly been logging in. I don't care. I didn't have cake and I don't want to hear about anyone else's. That was her choice. Deleting her so she doesn't show up on my newsfeeds everyday was mine.

    I kind of allow a month (not an acctual rule just my guess). I send a few "how r u doing" notes. After that you aren't really participating. My suggestion is that if you are going to be off for an extended period let people know. Other than that...It's your choice.

    Yeah, I'm not much for gloating, though I do log my bad days when I am in the habit of logging. I just fall off sometimes when life takes over. It takes time to build new habits, right?

    And good advice on the notice, thanks :wink:
  • audram420
    audram420 Posts: 838 Member
    Well friend me...because I don't drop my friends...I've got some that haven't been on in months! I would hate for them to come back and feel the way you did! FRIEND ME!
  • shesblossoming
    shesblossoming Posts: 426
    While I understand how you feel, the way you would like motivation and support is the same way some people would like to be motivated by seeing all of their friends log in everyday. I know it's a great boost for me when I see that everyone has logged in. I've had people delete me even though I've been on here for almost 80 days. I've deleted people who come in and out and ask for help, so I try and stick with them, but no matter how much motivating someone does, it's all up to the person losing the weight. By the way, I am the person who annoying posts on people's wall week after week when they haven't been online for a while. I'm sure it irritates them to no end.
  • SabrinaJL
    SabrinaJL Posts: 1,579 Member
    I kind of allow a month (not an acctual rule just my guess). I send a few "how r u doing" notes. After that you aren't really participating. My suggestion is that if you are going to be off for an extended period let people know. Other than that...It's your choice.

    Same here. When I notice someone hasn't logged in for a few days, I post on their wall and ask if everything is going ok. I try again after a couple weeks. Once a month goes by, they get deleted. I try to keep my friends list very small and I want it to have people who are actually there for support on it. If they return and want to add me again, I will gladly re-add them (which has happened).
  • mea9
    mea9 Posts: 561 Member
    While I understand how you feel, the way you would like motivation and support is the same way some people would like to be motivated by seeing all of their friends log in everyday. I know it's a great boost for me when I see that everyone has logged in. I've had people delete me even though I've been on here for almost 80 days. I've deleted people who come in and out and ask for help, so I try and stick with them, but no matter how much motivating someone does, it's all up to the person losing the weight. By the way, I am the person who annoying posts on people's wall week after week when they haven't been online for a while. I'm sure it irritates them to no end.

    I know right! Please don't be the red blot on my wall. Real life friends get a phone call:-)
  • mea9
    mea9 Posts: 561 Member
    And BTW how do you think it feels to be getting the notices week after week "so and so hasn't logged in for ..." ? Really?
  • rufflestx
    rufflestx Posts: 76
    I am unsure how personal you can be, and feel, "Where you been?" might seem too personal for some people. I don't know, sometimes I want to put a comment on my status about something funny that happened with my chopped peppers or jumping all over the place cause I can move my belt buckle a notch, but is it too trivial? Your real friends come with a phone call and a face to face. I don't want to think of my "friends" here on MFP as virtual, simply can't feel that connected.. We all share the same journey, share yours.
  • mea9
    mea9 Posts: 561 Member
    I am unsure how personal you can be, and feel, "Where you been?" might seem too personal for some people. I don't know, sometimes I want to put a comment on my status about something funny that happened with my chopped peppers or jumping all over the place cause I can move my belt buckle a notch, but is it too trivial? Your real friends come with a phone call and a face to face. I don't want to think of my "friends" here on MFP as virtual, simply can't feel that connected.. We all share the same journey, share yours.
    Totally want to hear about your peppers, your belt, your good days and bad. How are you doing and where have you been are perfect. Nobody's going to be offended by that (at least nobody I've run into). If you had cake and are feeling crapy - I can do that. I can help. We all have bad days. If you are having cake everyday and are beligerantly proud of, and anouncing, that fact - find another friend. If you consistantly aren't showing up when I maybe had a bad day - find another "friend".
  • karenzephyr
    karenzephyr Posts: 33
    I'm with the people who say it's a 2 way street. If you want the support you have to put the time in supporting as well. If the support is important to you- don't drop out. You essentially left your friends high and dry first. If you are not giving it is unreasonable to expect to receive. I think a month not logging on is a reasonable time to expect to be dropped- this is not an unreciprocal support system.

    None the less- it's good for you that you came back.
  • Oishii
    Oishii Posts: 2,675 Member
    I decided way back never to delete, but keep the faith. I quit mfp for lent but told everyone in advance.

    Not sure if I've lost any friends, but some I would be heart-broken if they left me!
  • outersoul
    outersoul Posts: 711
    I totally understand where you're coming from. For me it's a two way street though. I can't be accountable if I'm not logging everyday. I can't hold any of my friends accountable if I don't log in every day. 99% of the people on my list log in everyday. The small 1% are going through things but are really good at checking in. We all go through things, me included.

    I think part of success comes from you. The other part is surrounding yourself with successful people. Good luck on your journey!
  • mandemonious
    mandemonious Posts: 217 Member
    THANKS again to all of the insightful replies and all the new friends. As I said before, it takes a while to make new habits and I am working on this one. You all are right, it is a two way street. Looking forward to shrinking with y'all!!
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