Weigh more as you age?

BarbieHier · August 2011

I am a 'young' 43 year old

) And have lost 58 pounds over the last 6 months, with about another 20-30 to go to reach the normal range for my height (5'4").

My friend keeps telling me I 'look' good as I am now and that I will be too gaunt and too thin if I keep losing weight and that 'as we age' we need to keep on a few extra pounds so we look better, specifically in the face.

While I kind kind of agree about some people looking gaunt if they are too thin as they get older, I am no where near that weight range yet...and I am not aiming for the bottom of the weight bracket either, so for me, I don't think it will be as big of a deal as she is making it out to be.

To explain her POV, her sister became a drug addict and lost a LOT of weight and looks very unhealthy - HER face is very thin and gaunt (and is about my age too) and I think that is the image she has in her head of weight loss for a woman in her 40's.

And also her mother is ill and has lost a lot of weight over the last couple of years and she doesn't look as vibrant as she had. So I do understand how she's equating weight loss with looking unhealthy...but again, that is not ME.

Anyway, I had always heard/thought it was healthier to be on the thinner side as we age, (aside from how we 'look')...but my friend keeps bringing this up to me and it's becoming annoying.

Yes, she may be jealous or whatever, of my weight loss success so far, but she is also losing weight....I think she is not as 'gung ho' as I am though and maybe will settle for a higher weight than what I plan to do.

I just wanted to get some opinions on the age/weight subject from others so I can put my mind at ease with this....I don't want to focus on anything negative, and want to get this out.

Doesn't help that I am at a plateau right now either, LOL...I am telling her I want to lose 25 more and she is telling me I look fine now, and the scale isn't budging. I need to work past this somehow.

)

And I also 'know' - to not listen to others and to do my own thing, but it still gets into my head to a degree....this is how I am working it out of there, by talking about it here with others who 'get it.'

So, should we keep on a few pounds as we age? Is that 'normal' to weigh more with age - or should we weigh what we did in our 20's-30's? I mean, if we are supposed to gain as we age, by 80 we'd all be 50 pounds overweight! I know I won't be the weight I was at 17 and I am fine with that....

Thank you!

)

kristyvere · August 2011

Maybe you could stop when you feel right? You will know if your body feels as though there is more fat to lose - and you already know it's unhealthy to carry too much of it. It's good that your friends feels she can be honest with you, but really you have to do what is right for you.
Has anyone else mentioned you might look gaunt? If they do, then perhaps you are just naturally slim in the face.
If you get to a point where you can't see anymore fat, then of course stop!
Good luck!

AlsDonkBoxSquat · August 2011

No we shouldn't keep on a few extra pounds as we age, but extra weight in the face means more puffiness and less wrinkles.

sugarbone · August 2011

I have no correct or scientific knowledge, just observations and opinions! I am a youngin' but I have definitely seen some 40 year old women with rockin bodies who looked good skinny. The trick I think is not in the fat in your face, but the resilience/suppleness of your skin. If you have a skinny face but your skin is healthy and cared for to hold itself up, then it shouldn't be a problem. I realize sagginess or wrinkles in skin isn't a reflection of poor health, but you know what I mean :P

I think most people do get heavier as they get older just because of the plain old metabolism decreasing with age, and not adjusting their diets to reflect that. I hope I will stay fit and eat well my whole life from now, I'll let you know how that works out lol!

LillysGranny · August 2011

Healthy is always beautiful!

JeffGDDG · August 2011

I'm aiming more towards a pant size and then I'm going to decide. I think that's the way to go. If you're exercising more now, you may be smaller and weigh more

Yarrum84 · August 2011

I must opoint out that the people she refers to (drug addict and ill mother), are ILL, they will look bad whether they are too thin or plump.

It does sound like jelousy to me, I've never had this before, but my sister tends to diet with a friend in the past and that friend was making the same comments about looking ok, and would even tempt her into eating things.

My mother was on a diet and doing well and a friend of hers (friend at the time) was telling her to stop loosing weight etc, that she was fine as she was and didn't need to (My mother was 17st), and it turnt out that the friend herself (15st) was secretly dieting etc and it came across that the friend didn't want my mum to loose weight as she was doing so well.

People can be a bit spiteful.

You should just tell your friend that although you hear her concern, YOU are not happy with yourself and you will carry on doing what you are until you are happy.

If you do end up being gaunt then you just add a few pounds.

I have friends and know people who are in their 40's 50's 60's etc who are thin and none of them look gaunt, they look healthy, as they are eating healthily and exercising.
You will look gaunt if you are thin and unhealthy, ill, on drugs etc.

Good luck sweetie x

Increase your exercise, do a class (or 1 extra) per week and hopefully you'll start loosing more again :happy:

xxx

BarbieHier · August 2011

Maybe you could stop when you feel right? You will know if your body feels as though there is more fat to lose - and you already know it's unhealthy to carry too much of it. It's good that your friends feels she can be honest with you, but really you have to do what is right for you.
Has anyone else mentioned you might look gaunt? If they do, then perhaps you are just naturally slim in the face.
If you get to a point where you can't see anymore fat, then of course stop!
Good luck!

Thanks for the reply!

Nope, I have a wider face and get puffy when I am heavier, weight loss does show in my face...and yeah, it IS going to look thinner when I lose weight! I hope so! And I am still in the 'obese' category for my height, but I look thinner than my actual weight, which is why she freaked out when I said I HAVE to lose at least 25 more, to be in a healthy range. She's not used to me being smaller and that is why she was concerned I'd be too thin. But honestly, I have at least 20 to lose comfortably and I know I am not going to look gaunt....I may start looking my real age, LOL, but I am not concerned about that as much as she is.

NNsMomma · August 2011

First of all - it is a sad truth that others don't always want dieters to succeed because it reflects on their lack of discipline. So try not to listen to others too much.
Secondly, eat healthy everyday and let the scale fall where it will. We should choose healthy eating for the nutrition factor and not to hit an arbitrary number on a scale. Plus, the scale does not know your muscle mass, bone mass, etc.
Just eat healthy everyday, exercise and let the number be what it is!
Make sense?

Regards,
N&N's Mom....

BarbieHier · August 2011

Thanks for the replies so far everyone!

)

Helps to vent this a little!

I am trying to be supportive of her weight loss too and we really are good friends, so I am trying to work past this and not let her 'beliefs' get to me...

And yes, I am going to pump up my workouts a bit more again. I had been sick a bit the last few weeks and had to back off here and there from my normal routines...I least I didn't gain anything!

) But hoping it will start coming off again!

BarbieHier · August 2011

First of all - it is a sad truth that others don't always want dieters to succeed because it reflects on their lack of discipline. So try not to listen to others too much.
Secondly, eat healthy everyday and let the scale fall where it will. We should choose healthy eating for the nutrition factor and not to hit an arbitrary number on a scale. Plus, the scale does not know your muscle mass, bone mass, etc.
Just eat healthy everyday, exercise and let the number be what it is!
Make sense?

Regards,
N&N's Mom....

Yep, I agree...this is the plan and what I have been doing, but I still want to get to at least the normal weight range for my height before I concede to being 'done' ... I know our bodies will do what they want to do, and will reach a set point, but I know I am not at the healthy set point for my body yet, so will push through this plateau and hope the next 'stop' is the right one. Hope that makes sense!

marquesajen · August 2011

Your friend probably can't imagine you with more weight gone, she might not be able to 'see' where the rest of those pounds are coming from. Also, you're only 43, I think talk of aging can wait in the wings when you're as lively and healthy as you!

psuLemon · August 2011

I think the biggest thing as we age is to work on retaining muscle. I can see your friends point but being ill and a drug addict have completely different effects on your body than just losing weight. If you work to gain muscle, and you look skinny and very healthy. In my persception, it's when people are really skinny, have little muscle and their skin is loose.

hazelbliss6 · August 2011

I think you are on to something when you say that her experience with watching weight loss has looked like illness to her. However that is the main point- getting healthy! Your weight loss is for the goal of being healthy, not getting thin depsite how 'unhealthly' that may be. Maybe focus on the health aspect with her when you talk vs the actual pounds and measurements. There will always be good excusses for ppl to use to not get to a healthy weight-- " I don't want t loose my boobs, even if I'm still in the obese range," or "I can't afford to get more clothes, so I'll stay 40lbs overweight,' ect... there are a lot out there, and I guess the "My face will look older if I get to fit" is just another one. I hear these phrases all the time at home from my mom. She has watched me work hard to loose weight and sometimes expresses her own weight frustrations by throwing out bogus excusses. Last night was the most recent; we were wathing a weight watchers commercial with Carrie Fisher, she had lost 50lbs and was looking so much healthier! But my mom only saw that Carrie's Neck looked extra wrinkled now, so Mom said she's glad she decided to stay fat. It makes me sad to know she finds excusses to stay unhealthy.. despite her many meds for blood pressure, choleterol, and depression-- all of which could be helped with better fitness. I'm glad to have met so many MFPs who are done with excuses! :flowerforyou:

6heatherb6 · August 2011

The last few times I've see my sister (who is overweight) she has said .."oh don't loose more weight."..and..."what do you weigh now".... SOOOOOOOOO

Last time I told her straight..."Don't you think you should congratulate me on being healthy???"

She has shut up!!!! It might still be in my head too but I won last time :drinker:

I'm 50 and as long as you are healthy..doing weight bearing exercise (like walking) for your bones and a bit of cardio for your lungs and heart (fast walking) you'll be fine (BUT I'm NO EXPERT) No need to get into the body sculpting stuff

:flowerforyou:

i_love_vinegar · August 2011

I think if your face gets a bit too thin, if you are up for it, maybe just get some fillers >_< You shouldn't have to choose body over face.

I've seen women over 40 who looked gorgeous in the face, and had thin bodies...so...I think it may depend (although Im not sure if they had fillers..but they were gorgeous!!!)

I hope this helps

BarbieHier · September 2011

Thanks again for all of the replies. :-)

I had to update with something ironic.

My friend and I were discussing her weight loss and she mentioned she had gotten down to 150 a few years ago, following the South Beach plan. Well, she is 5'8" and 150 for her is underweight, or at least on the low side of the charts. Ummm, 150 was my goal weight, I am 5'4" - so yeah, her perspective is OFF. Like I said, she must think I already weigh 150 and want to get down to 125 or something. But nope. I will be thrilled to end up at 145-150. I was at 155 for years on low carb, I had always wanted to lose that last 5, but never got there...things are different this time for me though, so hoping I can get below that this time. But I am keeping my thoughts to myself from now on, and I'll see what happens when I 'get there!'

Thanks again everyone, for allowing me to talk through this!

)

sheepiegail · September 2011

there are actual studies out there that conclude that those who weigh in the correct range to low end of normal for their height live longer. Keep on going with your plan to lose more weight. You will also have a little cushion for when you are on a maintenance lifestyle and diet.

NNsMomma · September 2011

I think those charts cater to our society. They allow us to be way too heavy!! I'm 5'4" and 113 pounds and still have not reached my body fat % goal. Can you go to a gym or somewhere and have your body fat measured? Oh, I'm 50 years old! As we get older, fat gets marbled in our muscles so getting our muscles lean is important. The bottom line is....eat right, exercise both cardio and weight lifting, and you will get to a great place! Age isn't an excuse to carry extra weight!

aoede · September 2011

Well, she is 5'8" and 150 for her is underweight, or at least on the low side of the charts. Ummm, 150 was my goal weight, I am 5'4" - so yeah, her perspective is OFF.

This didn't sound right to me so I did a quick google and for someone who is 5.8 the range given was 126 to 155, so anywhere in between is healthy depending on your frame. I am 5.8 and a half, and 150 pounds is what I am right now, and I aim to lose about 19 pounds to get to a healthy weight for me. Of course size and muscle tone are more important than just the weight, but I don't think her perspective about THAT is off.

I disagree with her on the fatter-is-better thing, as I think that it makes sense to try to keep slim when you are old, as extra fat is extra weight on the joints that you don't need.

NNsMomma · November 2011

Absolutely do not purposely add FAT to please your friends! No, we do not need to weigh more as we get older - that's ludicrous. Friends often reflect their own faults onto us - in other words, if you stay a little chunky, it will be easier for your friends to justify being a little overweight. Eat healthy everyday, exercise and let your weight fall where it naturally will.

By the way, I'm 50 years old, 5'4" and around 110 pounds. I eat very healthy and work out. I've never felt better.

Best to you,
Donna

shakybabe · November 2011

Your friend could just be genuinely concerned if both her sister and mother are ill and look very thin.

My mum & dad had cancer and I agree there is a point where when you get so thin it doesn't look healthy at all especially if that person has previously bigger and that's how your used to seeing them... on the other hand I've also seen pics of thinner women who look very healthy cos they have muscle and are fit and strong... maybe you can find a pic of someone on internet who looks around same weight you want to be, but is clearly looking healthy and toned rather than thin and ill... this may help her fears? .. she may genuinely have a fear of losing you if you get ill like her mum and sister did? (even if they are still here.. she may still be afraid of losing them).

I'm 42 myself and I had got to 12st 7.. not just from age but from physical restrictions to I think and having an under active thyroid.. I've managed to lose one and half stone, which I'm thrilled with but I'm still in over weight category and need to lose at least another 7lbs to get into the top end of healthy for my height.

Wii Fit says I should be 9st 3 and BMI 22 I can't remember if I had to input my age on that, or whether its just generalising.. I'd love to be that weight but haven't been since my 20's! At first I wanted to be as light as I could get in case people had to lift me, but after seeing pics of people and having friends whose muscles have wasted from similar conditions I've decided I'd rather be a little heavier as long as it was muscle rather than fat and I was healthy overall. .. I might settle for somewhere between 9st 7 and 10st as long as I'm healthy, my arms and legs are quite muscular luckily,, its just my tummy/torso where all my fat is.

Weigh more as you age?

Replies

Categories