Learning to embrace singleness slowly

saragol78
saragol78 Posts: 1 Member
edited December 2024 in Motivation and Support
Hi all! I'm a 31 year old gal who is currently single. I was in LTRs all through 19-28 years old, ending in July 2017 when I ended up leaving my ex-fiancé who was was abusive.

Past 2.5 years or so have been a huge roller coaster since I left. A HUGE part of me was assuming and hoping that I would find "the one" shortly after my ex and I split up. Ya know, because that’s what romantic comedies and celebrity gossip tells me 😂 Articles praising Ciara and Cassie for finding love quickly after heartbreak come to mind.

I put a lot of focus and time and energy into dating. I just didn't want to be alone, especially since I see so many friends and peers happily coupled up. In hindsight, I think I should've taken at least a year off dating in general. Especially since my relationship was 5 years long and very toxic.

Ive had a few relationships since ending my engagement, with one 7 month one ending really recently. I'm getting frustrated I haven't yet found the right person but I have found I am getting more relaxed about it as time goes on. I have been embracing single life and just living my life for ME. I'm contemplating taking a dating break altogether. I am certainly not a man hater or one who thinks all the good ones were taken but I am tired of getting disappointed.

I think a huge part of me being more relaxed about finding the right person is seeing so many of my friends and peers unhappy and settling in their own relationships. My one friend & coworker lives with her boyfriend of 2 years and her boyfriend refuses to even talk about marriage even though she's ready to move forward. Hearing things like this make me even more confident in my choice to hold out for the right person.

This sounds SO silly but this is a huge step for me! I have spent so much of my life in *kitten* relationships because I was afraid of being alone. Putting my self worth in being a relationship. Dealing with crap just so I can say I have a man and fit in with everyone else. I’m so proud of myself for learning to embrace who I am, single or not.

Have any of you had this experience? What's your story?

Replies

  • AliNouveau
    AliNouveau Posts: 36,287 Member
    Don't ever be afraid to be alone. I think the best relationship come when we aren't looking because they're not forced.

    I was married for 3 years the first time. After I left Idiot as i call him I told my mom if that was my only chance I'm ok with it ending because it wasn't how I wanted to spend a marriage. I eventually dated a guy at work a few times and had other offers and then almost a year later met my current husband. Almost 15 years married later we have our ups and downs but we have an awesome child.

    So don't force it. It'll happen when it's meant to and you're still young. 31 is still a baby haha. That being said....I've an awesome late 30s friend here I'm always trying to set up.....
  • RelCanonical
    RelCanonical Posts: 3,882 Member
    I love being single and have been for most of my life. I’m 32, so close in age! I find there is a freedom that comes with singleness that I’m just not willing to give up. It has made weight loss easier too lol.
  • juleslephae
    juleslephae Posts: 1 Member
    I moved to a new city and I was recently single when I got here. I dated for a while but I feel so much better just focusing on myself and letting go of the need to have a partner. I don’t use apps, I refuse offers all the time. I feel like I’ll know who he is when he arrives. The only time I feel any pressure about it all is when I’m link up with girlfriends on the prowl who cannot understand how I’m not on apps like they are or dating any guy that approaches me. Best of luck to learning to be you <3 Letting go of the need to find the one opens space for you find and love yourself.
  • LAT1963
    LAT1963 Posts: 1,375 Member
    edited November 2019
    Ma'am, you're still young, and you have issues about your independent identity outside a couple. Your most expedient strategy is to get a shrink (if you don't already have one) to work out what happened to keep you in a toxic relationship for 5 years and upack the psychic damage that did. Only when that is done can you be the person that the kind of person you want will be interested in.

    This is too complex and important for you to leave it to do-it-yourself or the advice of online strangers.

    PS: yes find community here of other single people seeking a compatible life partner (there isn't 'the one', there are many, but of the many candidates that would work out great you will pick just one), but make sure you also have professional guidance.
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