Question about kids health?
gracielynn1011
Posts: 726 Member
Hey all, I didn't really know where to put this, so if it's not appropriate here, just let me know.
I need some advice about my daughter, she is 8 yrs old and is overweight. I know a lot of her eating habits are because of me and her daddy, regarding her desire and craving for junk food, and we are working on changing that. She doesn't like exercise, hardly wants to ride her bike or play outside, so I am trying to get her involved in activities that she does like, such as roller skating and trampoline playing.
My biggest concern for her is that she is so food motivated. Even though I know she is not hungry (for example, just had dinner recently) she just wants to snack, snack, snack all the time. She asks for food rewards for normal things, which we have never used food as a reward or punishment. Recently she made a 100 on her spelling test and asked to go for ice cream for a reward. Brought her dirty clothes to the laundry room, can I have some cookies as a reward? When we have meals, she eats so fast and acts like she is afraid someone will take her food away. We are not, and have never been struggling for food, so she shouldn't have this instinct in her to protect her food like this. Medically, she has no health issues, other than allergies and a touch of asthma. Nothing hormonally out of balance.
I just need advice on how to get her to be less food motivated, and less aggressive over food. I don't want this to become a life long struggle her, like it has for me.
I need some advice about my daughter, she is 8 yrs old and is overweight. I know a lot of her eating habits are because of me and her daddy, regarding her desire and craving for junk food, and we are working on changing that. She doesn't like exercise, hardly wants to ride her bike or play outside, so I am trying to get her involved in activities that she does like, such as roller skating and trampoline playing.
My biggest concern for her is that she is so food motivated. Even though I know she is not hungry (for example, just had dinner recently) she just wants to snack, snack, snack all the time. She asks for food rewards for normal things, which we have never used food as a reward or punishment. Recently she made a 100 on her spelling test and asked to go for ice cream for a reward. Brought her dirty clothes to the laundry room, can I have some cookies as a reward? When we have meals, she eats so fast and acts like she is afraid someone will take her food away. We are not, and have never been struggling for food, so she shouldn't have this instinct in her to protect her food like this. Medically, she has no health issues, other than allergies and a touch of asthma. Nothing hormonally out of balance.
I just need advice on how to get her to be less food motivated, and less aggressive over food. I don't want this to become a life long struggle her, like it has for me.
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Replies
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There might be something useful here: https://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/10771636/raising-kids-with-healthy-relationships-to-food/p10
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For health reasons I'd carefully address the eating too fast issue. It's not good for digestion, nor is it good table manners (not saying you don't teach her manners). Reassure her that her food isn't going anywhere and she's free to take her time and enjoy it.
Also, some kids / people don't ever feel full or satisfied, which is where teaching proper portion sizes comes in. Easier said than done, however.
What other things does she like? Substitute those as rewards instead of food. Start slowly, if it helps. Finding an activity she truly enjoys would also help.4 -
Something that jumped out at me is that she doesn't want to exercise. Of course not, she is 8.
I would first talk to the pediatrician and make sure the problem is not just your perception and fear. Kids need to gain weight so they can grow.4 -
I have awful eating habits because I had free range as a child. It also was normal for my mom to buy a bag of chips at the store and us eat them on the way home. so now that I have kids, I have started from very young to encourage decent eating habits. They get breakfast, lunch, snack, Dinner. rarely do we do desserts. snacks occationally we have junk like cookies, but typically they have choices of fruit, cheese sticks, Belvita bars, Granola bars, some times cheez its or gold fish crackers, but i shoot for kinda between healthy and stuff kids want. When my kids start shoveling in food, I remind them to slow down, Im a fast eater too, and that actually makes me feel less satisfied, so its a habit I still work on myself. My kids also only get juice or milk with meals, and between they get water.
Just start encouraging healthy habit, take the junk food out of the house. I also dont encourage my kids to really "exercise" although they see me do it and want to themselves sometimes, but We have "outside time" no electronics, they have to go outside, what they do is their choise, sometimes they sit and play with chalk, sometimes they run or ride bikes, but it gets them out. Maybe go on a bike ride with her, maybe shed like a scooter better. Get a frisbee or baseball and toss it back and forth. Play tag. Get laser tag and play it with her, my kids love it and they are always running around playing it. Make it fun and a family thing. Make it a normal thing and eventually it will become a healthy habit2 -
Something that jumped out at me is that she doesn't want to exercise. Of course not, she is 8.
I would first talk to the pediatrician and make sure the problem is not just your perception and fear. Kids need to gain weight so they can grow.
Let me clarify, by exercise I don't mean a formal, structured program, obviously she would be way to young for that and would not like it. I mean kids activities. She hates going outside. She would be perfectly content just sitting in the house all day watching TV, which we limit because that isn't healthy for any of us. We have pets, I asked her to help me walk the dogs, she says I don't want to, just let them go by theirself. We live on a farm, so they can run free, but I do like to take them for walks on the leash off the property some as well.
Her daddy asked her to walk with him to the barn to feed the boats, she said she didn't want to walk, but he could drive her to the barn. She has a brand new bike that has only been off the porch a handful of times, she just has no interest in activity that requires body movement.
She does love to draw and color and create projects, so it isn't that she has no interests at all. My main concern is that with the food obsession and sedentary lifestyle, she may have problems later. Her pediatrician did mention her weight being on the high end of the chart in relation to her height at her last check up, but didn't expressly mention anything to do about it.1 -
Are her friends active? Is there something she could join that would be fun time with a friend, but also somewhat active? I have three daughters, and only one was active as a youngster. The other two we signed up for sports teams to give them the exposure and structure of team sports, but they really didn't enjoy it. My oldest ended up going to boxing club in college because a friend wanted to. It was there that she found a love of fitness and strength. She's not boxing now, but has moved on to running and Crossfit. Her sister played lacrosse and ran cross country for high school and college. She's the one going to boxing now. I swim, hike, run, lift weights... We are all setting examples for the youngest and encouraging her to join us. I do talk about the importance of getting butts off the bed and eyes off the screen, but it's challenging. Sometimes, I just tell her to come for a walk with me. No choice, not fast, but I emphasize the need for her lungs to get fresh air.
None of my girls are small framed. Two of them are quite short, so extra weight is hard to hide. But as a 50+ year old woman who grew up hearing how "fat" she'd become, I am very aware of the message my own daughters are getting. I think you should keep encouraging her to get some outside time. Maybe make walking the dogs about fresh air, not fitness. But remember to let her know that she's your gorgeous baby and you love her. As a mom of two introverts, it's not easy to get them to engage in the world sometimes, but it is important to get out of the bedroom and participate with a wider audience every now and then
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If the weight is not a concern then set up a table and chair in the barn and tell her if she wants a treat she can eat it out there. Make that the only place she can get the really good treats unless it is a special occasion, bad weather, or night. She sees walking as a negative so make walking and being outside have a reward attached to it. It will either dampen her food obsession or it will encourage her to be outside more. It might even do a little of both.
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Something that jumped out at me is that she doesn't want to exercise. Of course not, she is 8.
I would first talk to the pediatrician and make sure the problem is not just your perception and fear. Kids need to gain weight so they can grow.
I also find this comment confusing. Most 8 yr olds like to play. I loved riding my bike, climbing trees, roller skating. I was also a competitive gymnast. Find her an activity she enjoys. Activities distract from snacking. Set up playdates or trips to the park. Don't buy junk food or sodas. It's not a punishment, it just isn't necessary. Help her understand healthy food choices and portion control. Model the behavior you would like to see.3 -
I have two children 5 and 3 yrs. We're in the uk and they do clubs. My daughter does ballet, tap dancing , swimming and gymnastics. She loves it. It means we're super busy after school but it's good exercise and she just thinks she's doing a fun club. Maybe look up a trampoline club? Could be something she really enjoys and its exercise. If she likes drawing creating you could try and incorporate it with outside. Drawing a nice tree ect or collecting leafs, sticks ect and making a picture out of it. We usually collect pine cones at Christmas time and decorate them. I'd try and make it fun for her. You dont want it to become an issue. My kids also find it funny when I exercise and try and join in. So maybe do something together? Hope you find a solution. X3
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What is she doing instead of going outside or being active?1
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Caveat: I'm not a parent and I have zero clues about how to parent. But as someone who was overweight from little up, I've spent a lot of time wondering if my parents could have done anything different that would have helped me lose weight earlier in life, and I've come up with almost nothing.
My mom cooked plenty of healthy food and we rarely had junk food around the house, but even as a kid I was someone who loved food and had a sweet tooth. My whole family struggles with weight so sure, I learned plenty of bad habits from my parents, but during long periods when my mom would be eating and cooking a lot healthier, it didn't change me and my motivations.
As for activity, it took me until my upper 30s before I finally developed an exercise habit. But most of my life I avoided physical activity. For one, I'm pretty lazy. But a huge factor as a fat kid was that I got plenty of ridicule and any kind of physical activity made the ridicule exponentially worse, and I honestly didn't have had the mental fortitude to ignore it. My parents never forced me to be in sports, which I was tremendously grateful for. (Incidentally, my sister has told me she wished they had pushed her into sports, so it obviously depends on the kid.) The only thing I've thought of that might have helped me be more active as a kid (and this is pure conjecture) was if my parents had been more into fun physical activities themselves (like biking, hiking, sports, or the like) and my parents either didn't care to do those things or were too busy and tired to make time for them.
Obviously, do your best to model healthy habits, and I hope you get some good advice from other people. But I guess my whole point of sharing my experience is to tell you that she may be food motivated and hate exercise no matter what you do. Take heart and don't beat yourselves up as parents. 8 -
Kids have their own unique personalities and some are just going to react completely differently to the same stimulus. We also tend to tailor our action/reaction to individuals, so while we believe we act the same, objectively we don't.
My daughter sounds very similar. She bonds over food and very independent otherwise, but very food focused. We address this by shifting our habits and having the family work out together more - go on walks, hikes, etc. Getting her involved more with age appropriate chores in cooking, etc.
I'm not all that concerned with what kids hate at a particular moment - our job as parents is to expose them to new experiences. I hated several things in the moment that I now look back on with fondness and high regard. All part of the process in developing resiliency and anti-fragile kids. It boils down to good leadership - all founded in inspiration and discipline.8 -
There's a thing here in NZ where you paint rocks and then leave them somewhere for someone to find. You may need to join a Facebook group (she's too young for that) and you take your rocks and go searching for where someone has hidden theirs. I think you swap the rocks. It would get her off the couch, finding and painting rocks. Then outside searching for other ones. It's really become popular here and I see rocks regularly on my walking route. If there's no group in your area you could start one.
I think the key for an 8- year old is making it enjoyable to get outside.10 -
One option is that since she is eight, you can start giving her responsibilities around the house. Dusting, vacuuming, etc. Those can be pretty active. My Fitbit thinks I'm doing elliptical every time I clean. You can also offer options that are outside, but I bet she selects indoor ones.3
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Go for family hikes or bike rides or canoe trips with a picnic or dinner out afterwards. Combine fun exercise with a good meal or ice cream. In summer, have a garden and ask for her help. A lot of kids love watching plants grow that they planted. Does she like horses? Horseback riding is good exercise and a lot of girls love horses. Does she like to swim? Is there a pool she can access in the summer? Any kind of dance that she might enjoy? How about Scouts?
One possibility regarding food is to let her help you cook healthy meals. She's old enough to help with cutting up veggies, etc. There are cookbooks aimed at kids.
As a kid I was a reader and loved being indoors. I also liked swimming and going for picnics. I was not at all athletic but I was introduced to a lot of activities, like hiking and biking, that I came to really enjoy later in my life. As a parent, you can't make her love the outdoors, but you can introduce her to some of the joys and hopefully some of it will stick.7 -
Are you an active family? I have 3 under 6. We are pretty active so the children are too. If they're up early on Sat or Sun morning, then they come walking with me. We usually end up on the beach (me walking fast up and down and the kids on the playground). 3 week day evenings they have swimming, Teakwondo and circus training. They hated gymnastics but loved the circus trial we did so that's where they go.'
I have stopped offering snacks. It seemed to be replacing proper foods and causing fixations. We don't have ice creams at home. I make ice lollies from fruit, yoghurt, seeds and oats and I allow them have as much of that as tey want which ends up being twice a day.
When we out and about, we have stopped taking snacks or treats. If we're out over lunch time, then we have a proper sit down lunch somewhere. This means no biscuits, crisps, sweets or chocolates in the house. It's for them as well as for our own good.
We restrict TV watching to evenings only so if they're indoors then they're drawing or reading or even sleeping!
I love dancing so we usually have music on during the day and I would file them into a dance line and we do some dancing
My 6 year old cooks with me every evening. All 3 cook breakfast with their father on Sat and Sun. All also have chores.
Hopefully some of this can help.5 -
I don't have helpful advice I just want to add even if you don't find a solution and she struggles with this, you are still a great parent! Sounds like she's a strong-willed, independent thinker so if she ever comes up with the desire to become fit you know she'll accomplish her goal.
I like the ideas above of making physical activity social, fun with friends, and maybe the dance party idea since she's artsy!
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Just a little warning-- and I think everyone else has had good points-- just be very, very careful on the calorie and weight front, if you bring them into it at all. Best not to talk about calories, period, or assigning numerical values to food. Or measuring fitness/health by weight. Instead, maybe try to focus on the positives. ("Carrots are good for your eyesight!" kind of thing. And yes, I know the origin of the thing because of radar, but it does have a lot of vitamin A. "Unsaturated fats help your brain function properly so you'll be able to concentrate and read more complicated books!" you know.) And try to find other rewards that she would rather have-- if she asks for ice cream as a reward for acing her spelling test, maybe suggest that you do something else she likes-- go to the art store and pick out new art supplies, or something.12
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gracielynn1011 wrote: »Something that jumped out at me is that she doesn't want to exercise. Of course not, she is 8.
I would first talk to the pediatrician and make sure the problem is not just your perception and fear. Kids need to gain weight so they can grow.
Let me clarify, by exercise I don't mean a formal, structured program, obviously she would be way to young for that and would not like it. I mean kids activities. She hates going outside. She would be perfectly content just sitting in the house all day watching TV, which we limit because that isn't healthy for any of us. We have pets, I asked her to help me walk the dogs, she says I don't want to, just let them go by theirself. We live on a farm, so they can run free, but I do like to take them for walks on the leash off the property some as well.
Her daddy asked her to walk with him to the barn to feed the boats, she said she didn't want to walk, but he could drive her to the barn. She has a brand new bike that has only been off the porch a handful of times, she just has no interest in activity that requires body movement.
She does love to draw and color and create projects, so it isn't that she has no interests at all. My main concern is that with the food obsession and sedentary lifestyle, she may have problems later. Her pediatrician did mention her weight being on the high end of the chart in relation to her height at her last check up, but didn't expressly mention anything to do about it.
One of the best ways to get kids moving is to be a good role model yourself. If she isn't on her bike, she may not be unless she has someone to ride with or something interesting to ride to. (It would be nice if all kids just played by themselves but that's not always the case). Maybe you need to schedule time riding bikes together or invite a friend over and head to the bike path. If she wants to drive to feed the...boats(?)...say, "it's not far and it's a lovely day for a walk." No arguing. It's just how it is. With time and practice it becomes more habit. What's most important is what you do as a parent, not words or sticker charts...what you do promotes a healthy lifestyle.3 -
My daughter is also moderately sedentary by preference, but since she's an only child and not old enough to stay home alone, she is obliged to come with me when I walk the dogs and go on camping trips. She also likes doing yoga with me, but gets really frustrated by her own lack of flexibility, so I make extra time to work on her flexibility with her every day (outside of yoga time) so that she can get better at yoga.
I have a lot of very sedentary interests, but grew up with an active lifestyle, so I've kind of found ways over time to incorporate the two - like knitting during my bus commute, only allowing myself to watch some of my favorite shows while rowing on the erg, getting an audio book subscription so that I can *listen* to some of the books I'd like to read while I'm in the gym, etc.6 -
I would look for art projects that appeal to her creative side AND get her outdoors. She could collect stones or shells to use in a stepping stone, or all sorts of natural items to create a fairy garden. Sidewalk chalk, or sidewalk chalk paint and just about any surface... she could pick plants for a container garden and take care of that... she could take photos every month so that next year she could create wall calendars as gifts. The possibilities are endless!4
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If the weight is not a concern then set up a table and chair in the barn and tell her if she wants a treat she can eat it out there. Make that the only place she can get the really good treats unless it is a special occasion, bad weather, or night. She sees walking as a negative so make walking and being outside have a reward attached to it. It will either dampen her food obsession or it will encourage her to be outside more. It might even do a little of both.
Please don't do this. It's creepy and strange!11 -
seltzermint555 wrote: »If the weight is not a concern then set up a table and chair in the barn and tell her if she wants a treat she can eat it out there. Make that the only place she can get the really good treats unless it is a special occasion, bad weather, or night. She sees walking as a negative so make walking and being outside have a reward attached to it. It will either dampen her food obsession or it will encourage her to be outside more. It might even do a little of both.
Please don't do this. It's creepy and strange!
Things *like* this can evolve in a slightly more natural and less creepy way. I seldom ever got food treats at home as a kid (my parents loved me, but were POOR), and generally don't remember to buy them because things like chips and ice cream just never made it onto my mental grocery list.
However, I *do* like to get my kiddo celebratory treats after she improves at an activity, even if we have to make a special trip to the ice-cream shop down the street to do so. Our current standing tradition is to get an ice cream together if she shoots a bullseye at her once weekly archery practice. It gives us a chance to appreciate being together, a special treat, and how good she's getting at her sport. We often talk about what she needs to do to get better at her sport as we enjoy our treat, because talking about ways to improve skills to get more treats while eating said treats is totally the logical thing to do.3 -
seltzermint555 wrote: »If the weight is not a concern then set up a table and chair in the barn and tell her if she wants a treat she can eat it out there. Make that the only place she can get the really good treats unless it is a special occasion, bad weather, or night. She sees walking as a negative so make walking and being outside have a reward attached to it. It will either dampen her food obsession or it will encourage her to be outside more. It might even do a little of both.
Please don't do this. It's creepy and strange!
Depends on the barn. Some of them are quite nice. Anything suggested in a forum with very limited information should be adapted for a real world application. For instance a picnic area could be set up somewhere outside that requires a bit of walking.1 -
a lot of good advice here. i too, have one child who is overweight (12 yo) and i discuss healthy eating and exercise with him. i am fine with the way he looks and so is he, but its important to be healthy, etc.
but i wanted to add, be mindful of the long game. she will be living in her body and mind for the rest of her life and your priority is for her to have a healthy self-esteem and positive body image. if she decides at any point that she wants to slim down, it will be from a healthy standpoint. for now, as her mother, i would cook healthy meals, model healthy habits, and provide opportunity to be active (without nagging). and then back off.
she will get enough body criticism from her peers. her mother should not give off those vibes.
just my 2 cents.2 -
I may be the only parent who just tells my kid to do as I asked. Sometimes it is a gight and sometimes not. I give my kid a lot of room to be an individual and independent but I also am his parent. If I want him outside I tell him to go outside. I give him a list of stuff he can do but he needs to be active. He needs to go play and not be on electronics. If I want him to shut off the TV and go for a walk with me and the dogs, I tell him how much time he has left and then he needs to get up and do it. I know he grumbles at first but then is happy because we are spending time together. Maybe I am the only one who does this lol.4
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seltzermint555 wrote: »If the weight is not a concern then set up a table and chair in the barn and tell her if she wants a treat she can eat it out there. Make that the only place she can get the really good treats unless it is a special occasion, bad weather, or night. She sees walking as a negative so make walking and being outside have a reward attached to it. It will either dampen her food obsession or it will encourage her to be outside more. It might even do a little of both.
Please don't do this. It's creepy and strange!
I think it depends on the barn. There's the nasty run down dirty barns and there are really nice barns. The high school I work at had prom in a renovated barn last year...1 -
Our 9 year old is very similar. She likes swimming for fun, but we had her on a team for a couple years, and lessons as well, and it was a disaster. We tried Judo and tai kwan do, and she hated those with a passion. Right now we basically forced her to take dance- tap, jazz and ballet, and she's shocked herself with actually enjoying it (eventually). I suppose my advice is to keep pushing her to try new things, and insist on at least one type of regular excercise per season. Whether that's a team, a performing art, or even at home yoga, pilates or aerobic dance with YouTube.
We also have some success in not bringing home sweets, and limiting portions when we do have them. She does love frozen yogurt and icecream, and those are special occasion treats, but we do try to keep that from being more than once every couple weeks or so.0 -
holly_roman wrote: »I may be the only parent who just tells my kid to do as I asked. Sometimes it is a gight and sometimes not. I give my kid a lot of room to be an individual and independent but I also am his parent. If I want him outside I tell him to go outside. I give him a list of stuff he can do but he needs to be active. He needs to go play and not be on electronics. If I want him to shut off the TV and go for a walk with me and the dogs, I tell him how much time he has left and then he needs to get up and do it. I know he grumbles at first but then is happy because we are spending time together. Maybe I am the only one who does this lol.
Definitely not. Parenting in this manner is setting them up for success. Expectations are clearly stated and progress is checked periodically. We'd have better leaders in the world if more people followed this model.
I'm very clear that I rarely care how something gets done - I'm concerned that it gets done and state why it needs to be done. I leave the how up to the doer for the most part.
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It's best if you model behavior and not put restrants on her.
The half-size-me podcast host recently did a facebook live about this topic : https://www.facebook.com/HalfSizeMe/videos/952203088459730/2
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