eating disorder

I've had pretty much every one going. The fact I'm on this site shows I still have issues with food. I'm trying hard to combat them though- I want to be healthy in body AND mind. At least now I can say "I have issues with food" and that's it. I'm no longer surviving on 500 calories a week. I'm no longer throwing up everything that passes my lips. I'm no longer binge eating until I'm screaming in pain. And I no longer harbour ridiculous ideals of what I should be- my goal is realistic. I've still got some way to go, but I've come a long way.

I'd recommend "Wasted" by Marya Hornbacher. But not if you get competitive and you have an eating problem already- it can (and did for me) spur things on.

I had anorexia nervosa and bulimia. Although thoughts in the back of my mind always resurface, I could never do that to myself again. I've also learned that there may be things in life I cannot control and instead of controlling it through food I have found other ways to handle it. I also realized that I will never be perfect and I like myself very much now. A million flaws and all. On my extreme end of the spectrum (starvation), it was slow suicide.

I have been recovered for 18 years now and I realize I will always have this disorder with me and so far I have been victorious against it.

We must fight the good fight.:flowerforyou:

I often feel my obsession with food MUST be some sort of eating disorder... it affects every single aspect of my life either negative or positively depending on whether I'm doing good or bad. It's the #1 thing on my mind ALL THE TIME.

yes! that is me! i'm either REALLY good or REALLY bad w/ foods/exercise.
over the years, it's been more good than bad (hence, i've lost almost 100lbs) but i dont think my bottom line habits and choices have changed.
matter of fact, my wedding ring will fall off my wedding finger. i simply wear it on my middle finger cause i do not have belief/faith in myself to size it smaller. :grumble: if i did resize it, it would end up being streached bigger again.:grumble:

it dominates my thoughts and i'm not proud of that.
:sad: :sad: :sad: :sad: :sad: :sad: :sad: :sad: :sad: :sad: :sad: :sad:

The first step in dealing with a problem is recognizing and admitting that problem.
You are doing that here.

Now, face it head on.
Take that ring. Have it resized immediately.
Just do it. Smile as you do it. Take deep breaths.
When you get it back and you realize it fits today, tomorrow, the day after.... it will become a little easier.
Face your fear!!! Baby steps to get there, but FACE IT. :flowerforyou:

Oooops! I really screwed up today. Someone brought in a red velvet cake with icing and chocolate shavings and I ate 2 large pieces. Then because I screwed up sooo bad I went through McDonald's and got a fish sandwich and a small fries. Turns out if I had just stopped at the cake I would be Okay! Why do we do these things? As far as an eating disorder, I think most people here could say yes, because we have all overindulged in food. Food is only for the nourishment, health and sustainability of our body. When we use it for entertainment, and comfort it becomes something else. Sometimes I think about food a lot , sometimes I think about food all day and all night, way more than other people. Then there are those times I actually feel I have a pretty good handle on things. Today I made some mistakes. I can start over.

I just happened upon this thread and I'd really like to keep it going if anyone else is interested (otherwise it might just become my little public journal :blushing: )

I have an eating disorder, and I've had some version of it on and off since I was about 9 years old. It's been worse in the last year than ever before in my life, though, and I'm ready to take my life back now.

I have the same set of behaviors that several of you have described; I'm obsessively "good" with food, then go absolutely out of control. I often go through stretches of several weeks in which I eat perfectly all day long, plan a perfect dinner, then absolutely lose my mind and eat like a crazed cookie monster all evening. I purge because I don't want to gain weight, but I feel like I can't stop the bingeing. It's crazy, because I know I could if I forced myself.

I've shown that I can go without any food for many days on end, or eat effectively nothing, but if I'm allowing myself to eat at all I have a really hard time moderating. It's like eating anything at all is a trigger for bingeing.

I really feel like I can pull it together and eat healthily all day but I just fall apart at night. I'm thinking about looking into an outpatient program, not because I think I'm in danger of causing any substantial harm to myself, but simply because I think it's an extreme enough measure to really make me do it and finally get beyond this.

I work out a lot and I would love to be able to maximize my results by fixing my food problems. I finally got to a weight at which I felt like I looked great, but my bingeing in the last couple of months has piled about 7 pounds back on, and I can really see it in the mirror. I just started doing P90X to shake up my fitness regime, and I'm hoping the "badass" approach that it has will help build me up to a place where I can start eating to support my fitness rather than to punish myself or to ameliorate pain (or worse, to starve myself for those reasons).

Anyway, I just ordered both the Mood Cure and the Diet Cure, so maybe they'll have some insights that help me. For now, I'm trying to stick with the healthy P90X plan, and just keep putting one foot in front of the other and trying not to dwell on my previous failures (like eating a box of brownie mix after my extremely healthy dinner last night). Other addicts say "one day at a time"; I think I'm going to hang on to that idea. Thanks for taking the time to listen.

i believe i do too, Its the whole eating calories, counting calories, looking in the mirror every five seconds kinda deal. I always feel guilty after i eat too. I kinda felt like it was normal though If i was on a diet. :ohwell:

i definitely have an eating disorder....i have been battling anorexia for 15 years ( i am 29). I just joined this site to see if it could help me GAIN weight. Even only after journaling my food for few days, i see how much work i have ahead of me...

i often wonder though, do you think logging food and talking about it etc. only feeds the eating disorder?? (no matter what kind of eating disorder you have).

Any thoughts??

I honestly think that if your experience journaling so far has been eye-opening to you in terms of how little you're eating, it's a really good idea to stick with it until you are consistently eating a more nutritionally normal diet. Even if you are spending a lot of energy focusing on food & eating, I think it will help you in the long run. You'll be able to get a sense of how much and how often you should be eating; once you're really comfortable with that, then you can start weaning yourself off the journaling over time. Although you have to remember that my perspective is coming from the opposite direction as yours; I have bouts of anorexia, but my primary problem is eating too much. Actually, my primary problem is that lack self worth, and that causes the rest of the problems, but you get what I mean. Take what I say with a grain of salt. Stick with it and remember you're worth the effort and you deserve to be healthy. :flowerforyou:

twincat, you posed an interesting question. For me, and those of us that are heavy, the journaling, counting ect is a critical aspect of our success. Mindfulness is so important if you've been using food like drugs, because we can't actually just quit using food altogether, so we must be mindful. For those of you trying to gain weight, And kittynurse, you are so wise to point out the self esteem issue. So, twincat, how is your self worth involved in your calorie counting, etc?

I'm glad you mentioned Body Dysphmorphia, also often called Body Betrayal in lay terms. Personally, I think this happens because we are socialized to try to be an ideal that doesn't really exist in nature. For example, the typical supermodel is a size 2 and is 16 years old. If she gets above a size 4, she will no longer be marketable.

When Barbie made her debut in 1959, her measurements if she were life size would have been 39-18-33. Around the year 2000, Barbie's waist was increased slightly and her bust was decreased slightly, though she is still far from typical. The altering came after years of lobbying by parents and professionals working with anorexia.

So you see, as a culture, we seem to be chasing an ideal that is not possible. In fact, I am copying an article here that will make this sort of a long post, but it has some very interesting information in it!.

What Size is the "Average" Woman?
By LB Lacey


The average American woman is 5'4", weighs 140 lbs, and wears a size 14 dress.

The "ideal" woman--portrayed by models, Miss America, Barbie dolls, and screen actresses--is 5'7", weighs 100 lbs, and wears a size 8.

One-third of all American women wear a size 16 or larger.

75% of American women are dissatisfied with their appearance.

50% of American women are on a diet at any one time.

Between 90% and 99% of reducing diets fail to produce permanent weight loss.

Two-thirds of dieters regain the weight within one year. Virtually all regain it within five years.

The diet industry (diet foods, diet programs, diet drugs, etc.) takes in over $40 billion each year, and is still growing.

Quick-weight-loss schemes are among the most common consumer frauds, and diet programs have the highest customer dissatisfaction of any service industry.

A recent survey found only 30 percent of 250 randomly chosen women age 21 to 35 had normal bone mass--the researchers concluded women are so afraid eating dairy products will make them gain weight that they are starving themselves into osteoporosis.

Young girls are more afraid of becoming fat than they are of nuclear war, cancer, or losing their parents.
50% of 9-year-old girls and 80% of 10-year-old girls have dieted.

90% of high school junior and senior women diet regularly, even though only between 10% and 15% are over the weight recommended by the standard height-weight charts.

1% of teenage girls, and 5% of college-age women become anorexic or bulimic.

Anorexia has the highest mortality rate (up to 20%) of any psychiatric diagnosis.

Girls develop eating and self-image problems before drug or alcohol problems; there are drug and alcohol programs in almost every school, but no eating disorder programs.

An eating disorder is serious stuff, please get help if you think that you may have one. I don't but one of my foster daughters does, and it's very upsetting for everyone involved, here's a little note that gets sent to my email from The post, I'm trying to help and understand..that's the big one, cause I really don't get it, and help her through this.



Awareness first step in beginning recovery from eating disorders

2/23/2009 1:38:00 AM Email this article • Print this article

Anna Hartenbach • For The Post • ah896106@ohiou.edu

For Ohio University junior Nicole Mikusa, getting help for her eating disorder was difficult, but the recovery process is more difficult than she had anticipated.

Mikusa, who studies family and consumer science education, worked with a psychiatrist, psychologist and a dietician in the beginning stages of her recovery and regularly attends an Eating Disorder Anonymous support group.

"It's one thing to tell people who don't know what you're going through, and it's another to tell people who know what you're going through because they can understand," Mikusa said. "It's definitely been really helpful and a way to help other people with eating disorders because we're all at different stages in our eating disorders."

Today is the start of National Eating Disorder Awareness Week and to raise awareness, OU Counseling and Psychological Services, Ping Center fitness staff and the Women's Center will host events on campus.

Jonathan Mosko, a counseling intern at OU's Counseling and Psychological Services, said about 10 million Americans have an eating disorder, and one out of every 10 people with an eating disorder are male.

Though Mikusa's ongoing battle with anorexia started because of many factors, her recovery is centered on control of her body, she said.

"After going through recovery, I feel like it was more of a control issue now because I'm supposed to be giving up that control of knowing how much I'm eating and knowing how much I'm exercising and focusing on one battle at a time," she said.

Though many people do receive help, in some cases the damage from an eating disorder is irreversible. Jane Lonsdale, an OU senior studying broadcast journalism, said her sister Mary Lonsdale died during her senior year of high school while recovering from bulimia because of the fluctuating potassium levels effects on her heart.

"What they think happened was ... that her heart gave out. It was so weak from all of the years (of her disorder)," Lonsdale said.

Encouraging friends or family members who might have an eating disorder to ask for help is important, she said.

"First of all, if someone knows of someone that is doing this ... definitely bring it up to them - don't push it under the rug," Lonsdale said. "I think the huge problem with my sister was that she ignored the problem for so long that it continued to have these adverse effects on her."

For Mikusa, her disorder is still something she has to deal with in her daily life, but she is learning how to accept herself.

"It's kind of like this daily battle I go through to not over-exercise or under-eat. I really have to maintain ... eating what I need to and not exercising too much," Mikusa said. "I definitely pray and wish that I will be 'normal' again."

I had anorexia nervosa and bulimia. Although thoughts in the back of my mind always resurface, I could never do that to myself again. I've also learned that there may be things in life I cannot control and instead of controlling it through food I have found other ways to handle it. I also realized that I will never be perfect and I like myself very much now. A million flaws and all. On my extreme end of the spectrum (starvation), it was slow suicide.

I have been recovered for 18 years now and I realize I will always have this disorder with me and so far I have been victorious against it.

We must fight the good fight.:flowerforyou:

I have also suffered from anorexia and bulimia and have been healthy for a few years now. I feel I will always have an uncomfortable relationship with food...some days are good and others are bad but I do not resort to the extremes anymore. Many times eating disorders are not about food, but about control or lack of control and food becomes the one thing the person can control. If you feel you are obsessed with food...i wouldnt jump to the conclusion right away that you have an eating disorder. Maybe because of dieting you feel you are restricting yourself or you are just much more conscience now of what you are eating.

dhutch if you don't mind my asking, how did you get healthy, and how do you stay healthy?