Why are people so concerned....

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NyxDominique
NyxDominique Posts: 271 Member
in Motivation and Support
While showing concern tells people that you love them. It is terribly fustrating...

Today my boyfriend wanted to talk to me about my weight loss. He has been against it from the beginning. He hasn't tried to sabatoge it or anything. Just kind words of "You don't need to lose weight", "I like your curves, I really don't want you to lose them", and "I wish you could see how sexy you are to me the way you already look".

It has made me question my journey from time to time, but not waivered it. I really really want to make it to my goal weight of at least 150 to be Healthy. Not skinny or pretty, just healthy.

There are too many health problems in my family for me not to be concerned about my own well being. Both parents have high blood pressure, diabetes, and heart disease. My father had a stoke at 35. These are VERY scary things.

When he talked to me he asked me what my goal weight was. I said "150". He asked me by when. I replied "January." Then he asked what I weighed right now. I responsed "175". He then said he thought I was over reaching and that it was unhealthy for me to be losing so much weight so quickly.

I just blinked alittle. That is barely a pound a week for the rest of the year. I am still making sure that I eat. I am exercising for no more then 1 1/2 hours a day. Normally I don't exercise or overly count calories on the weekends which is when we spend time together.

Sorry for the rant but it is very fustrating. I don't think that 1 pd a week over several months is unhealthy... do you?
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Replies

  • killagb
    killagb Posts: 3,280 Member
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    Nope, that's a normal and healthy rate to lose at.
  • trilikeagirl
    trilikeagirl Posts: 218
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    Sounds to me like he's feeling a little threatened on some level. You are doing the right thing. He's having difficulty adjusting to change.
  • fridayjustleft04
    fridayjustleft04 Posts: 851 Member
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    It's healthy. Sometimes people that care about us care a little too much. Just tell him that it's normal to lose a pound a week and you're not doing anything dangerous (as long as you're staying at a healthy calorie level and hydrating properly). He'll get over it. Good luck!
  • LaMujerMasBonitaDelMundo
    LaMujerMasBonitaDelMundo Posts: 3,634 Member
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    Tell him more about the health benefits & how being overweight affects your family & your overall health rather than the physical side of losing weight. Some guys are just too insecure that if you lose weight, many guys will woo you & eventually leave him for another one. My boyfriend tells me not to become too thin & even gets angry sometimes when I exercise 6 days a week but I reassure him that I'm only doing this because I love him & I want to live longer for him & our future babies. If your boyfriend truly loves you, he will understand & accept you for whoever you are.
  • tameko2
    tameko2 Posts: 31,634 Member
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    Your bf is a jerk, you have a great plan with VERY reasonable weekly weight loss goals and your current end weight goal isn't crazy low or anything.
  • NyxDominique
    NyxDominique Posts: 271 Member
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    Sounds to me like he's feeling a little threatened on some level. You are doing the right thing. He's having difficulty adjusting to change.

    You are probably right about this... I know that he tend to be alittle protective from time to time.
  • MissingMyOldSelf
    MissingMyOldSelf Posts: 689 Member
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    Sounds to me like he's feeling a little threatened on some level. You are doing the right thing. He's having difficulty adjusting to change.

    THIS!!!! My husband was very skeptical about me getting the lap band because he was afraid I'd lose too much weight and find him unattractive. Maybe he just doesn't know how to "nicely" put his words.... or, this might be a warning sign of some things to come... like a possible mental controlling issue.... not that I'm suggesting it... but it can start out small.

    My heart is with you on your journey! Do this for YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  • leilani♥
    leilani♥ Posts: 579
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    1-2 lbs a week is permanent weight loss. given you continue to eat healthy/exercise.
  • tweez8976
    tweez8976 Posts: 94 Member
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    I think your goals sound great...1 lb per week Is a healthy weight loss speed. I applaud your efforts to get to a healthy weight - that is what so many of are striving for. Keep up the great work!
  • klsnell1981
    klsnell1981 Posts: 48 Member
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    my husband is the same way... he is very much against me trying to lose weight and get in shape. sometimes i think its a jealousy thing, like if i'm looking good other ppl will notice..? Idk but it is so frustrating!! 1 lb. a wk is more than ok for healthy weight loss. I myself and aiming for 1 1/2 to 2 lb per wk.
  • dumblonde93x
    dumblonde93x Posts: 3 Member
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    it's sweet that he's worried, but I don't think your goal sounds unhealthy at all.
  • jayliospecky
    jayliospecky Posts: 25,022 Member
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    He may truly think you don't need to lose any weight, which is actually great that he loves you the way you are. My husband could care less what I weigh and I feel really sorry for women whose husbands or boyfriends criticize them for their weight. That would destroy me. I also agree that 1 pound per week is healthy. And I'm not sure of your height, but 150 doesn't sound crazy. I guess another possibility is that it brings out some insecurities in him. Is he an insecure type? Maybe he has some fears over what will happen if you continue to lose weight.
  • LaMujerMasBonitaDelMundo
    LaMujerMasBonitaDelMundo Posts: 3,634 Member
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    Sounds to me like he's feeling a little threatened on some level. You are doing the right thing. He's having difficulty adjusting to change.

    I also think that way because some guys are just too scared that you will get many suitors once you're thin & forget everything about him. Its why its always good to reassure him that you're only doing this to take care of yourself because you love him so much that you want to live longer for him.
  • niccole679
    niccole679 Posts: 21
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    4 years ago I lost about 40lbs and got down to 135 lbs, my husband sounded a lot like your boyfriend. For him I know, he was worried I would decide that I looked and felt better about myself and would find someone better looking and more fit than him.
  • AmerTunsi
    AmerTunsi Posts: 655 Member
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    I think that there may be more than a few things happening with your bf and more to what he is saying to you. I don't know the relationship but there are a few things to consider.

    i have talked to many guys who have expressed concern with their girls changing so much. They feel insecure and worry that once their girls get fit or skinny... that they will be dumped for someone more attractive or interesting. The boost in confidence and energy also is a change for them. Weight-loss and the body looking different isn't usually where it ends. Girls often change how they dress, walk, talk ... just an overhaul. Maybe, he just needs a little bit of reassurance.

    He may also feel like your new lifestyle has changed you, but nothing has changed with him ... maybe he feels left out? See if he is responsive for joining in workouts and cooking healthy meals. This will allow you two to bond, but also change together.

    I'm sure there is just concern for your health ... but, maybe he doesn't fully know that 1lb per week isn't unhealthy? And, does he know about your concerns with your family history and such?

    And finally, there are some men who truly just love some "meat" on a girls body. Maybe he doesn't want you to get too skinny. Just because you drop inches, doesn't mean curves necessarily have to go!

    I'm not sure if any of this is relevant. But, I really hope things work out between the two of you.
  • kristilynnmartin
    kristilynnmartin Posts: 2 Member
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    Maybe he is just trying to be nice. My boyfriend tells me the same thing ( you don't need to lose weight, you are beautiful the way you are) all the time. he doesn't do it to make me feel bad or dissuade me from my journey but more to make sure that he thinks I'm perfect just the way I am. I always love to hear sweet words like that but I explain to him that I am losing weight for myself, not for anyone else and that it is important to me that I am healthy and my body is strong especially if we are going to have kids one day. Losing weight is an investment in your health and more importantly your future. One pound a week is a very healthy way to lose weight. Keep up the good work!
  • alltalk199
    alltalk199 Posts: 275
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    keep going, you are doing well, at the end of the day, it comes down to you, sounds like he may have insecurity issues. With your family background and mine as well, it is something to be concerned about, keep up the great work.
  • NyxDominique
    NyxDominique Posts: 271 Member
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    He may truly think you don't need to lose any weight, which is actually great that he loves you the way you are. My husband could care less what I weigh and I feel really sorry for women whose husbands or boyfriends criticize them for their weight. That would destroy me. I also agree that 1 pound per week is healthy. And I'm not sure of your height, but 150 doesn't sound crazy. I guess another possibility is that it brings out some insecurities in him. Is he an insecure type? Maybe he has some fears over what will happen if you continue to lose weight.

    I am only 5'2'' so even 150 doesn't put me where I belong on the BMI index.

    So many of your are going through the same things I am which is oddly reassuring. He has made comments to the effect he is afaird is going to have to fend people off me when I get to my goal weight.

    Yet, I am glad to see that those who don't have the support from their lovers have chosen to be healthy and continue to lose the weight as I have.
  • BethanyMasters
    BethanyMasters Posts: 519 Member
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    He might be afraid that once you feel better about yourself that you might leave him.

    My boyfriend already feels like I'm too good for him and the more weight I lose the more uneasy he gets about it even though he really has nothing to be afraid of.
  • Jesung
    Jesung Posts: 236 Member
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    Sounds like your bf doesn't know enough about nutrition to see that what you are doing is extremely reasonable, safe, and is a positive change in your life. You should encourage him to learn more about nutrition and getting fitter himself.

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