Marmite

Marmite is evil.

It is Satan's bum wipings.

I abhor Marmite (Hate isn't a strong enough word). It ruined all my sandwiched as a kid. My Mum thought it was good for me so it was compulsory in all my lunches. It was not too bad when I had Cheese and Marmite because others would swap, but have you ever tried to trade for a Meat Paste and Marmite Sandwich? Even the seagulls wouldn't eat them. My dog ran away when I put one in his bowl. And he would eat his own vomit.

Marmite is the source of most evil things. It is well known fact that Saddam Hussein ate Marmite on toast, Mussolini invented Marmite pasta and Stalin had Marmite with his evening glass of milk. (Hitler famously confused Marmite with Bovril and wouldn't eat it since he thought it had meat in!). All these facts are true.

Many of the worst things in history were caused directly by Marmite. Hurricane Irene, the Great Fire of London, the film of Titanic and Piers Morgan for example.

And don't start with Vegemite. It is exactly the same but without the redeeming qualities.

I feel ill just thinking about it. I'm off the live in Denmark.

(Note: may contain hyperbole)