My Boyfriend's A Trash Panda | Coping with partners who eat without consequence

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I've recently jumped back on the bandwagon to lose weight. My heaviest was 403lbs 6 years ago and I got back into the game on New Years at 398lbs. I lost 50lbs 5-6 years ago and kept it all off until 2 years ago when I started dating my current boyfriend Brian.

Brian is a svelte 168lbs... He's extremely muscular, extremely active, and can eat literally anything he wants without consequence. His favorite past time is eating cake or ice cream in the evenings while watching TV. I lovingly call him my favorite trash panda....

For those of you with partners who can eat without consequence, or who don't struggle with their weight when you do, how do you cope when you're trying to lose?

He just doesn't "get it" when I say I can't eat something.

Replies

  • hopeium1989
    hopeium1989 Posts: 6 Member
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    So what I would say is communication is key to this. Explain to your partner what it is your trying to accomplish. Show them the math. That’s what I did with my boyfriend. I explained to him I can eat whatever I just have to make sure I have the credits available. We’re gaming people so I call my calories different things to make use giggle. The other thing is to ask for them to be supportive. Maybe talking to them about not eatting those things in front of you for a little while. I hope this helps.
  • melodyvegan
    melodyvegan Posts: 59 Member
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    My partner is the same way and we live together. I second the advice above: I told him what I was trying to accomplish, why it was important to me, that I really wanted to succeed and that I needed his help to do that. I shared exactly what kind of support I needed from him...part of which was to not eat certain things in front of me while I was still in the early stages of weight loss and not to bring treats home for me (something he would do frequently when he was out and saw something I'd like). Framing matters, when I asked for his help and support in succeeding at something hard, he wanted to respect my request and be part of my success.

    Communication is key.

    Good luck!
  • Chef_Barbell
    Chef_Barbell Posts: 6,644 Member
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    I have a husband who needs to eat significantly more than me. And he weighs less than me. He has a very physically demanding job.

    We have talked about my goals and he is very supportive. He will clean the kitchen after I cook, pick up the slack if I need to go to the gym, etc. etc.

    What he eats, doesn't affect me. My goals are mine and I don't expect him to eat less or different because I have to.

    That being said, he gets double portions of what I cook and I get less. I sometimes fill it out with steamed veggies or salad.

    As far as snacks go, I cannot relate since I'm not much of a snacker. He has a ton of ice cream and such and I'm not really interested.
  • Justin741
    Justin741 Posts: 249 Member
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    Community support like this, 100%
  • xbowhunter
    xbowhunter Posts: 993 Member
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    I don't let the people in my household ruin it for me. I ignore what they are eating because it's not going in my mouth! :)
  • Crafty_camper123
    Crafty_camper123 Posts: 1,440 Member
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    I can relate to this. My husband is an tall, and has an active job. Making his average maintenance calories somewhere around 3000. Meanwhile I'm short, and not very active making my maintenance calories around 1600.

    I have to remind myself that his calorie requirements differ from mine. While I maxed mine out at dinner, he's foraging for snacks because his body requires more nutrition. If it's something I crave I'll attempt to fit it in my day. If there's just no room for it I try to keep myself occupied in other ways.

    Sometimes just chewing some gum or having some tea can give me the feeling of consuming something while he eats. If I really am lusting after it, I'll ask for just 1 bite. That usually resolves the craving for me. I get to taste the thing I want, but don't have to commit to the full snack, and therefor not blowing over my calories. Otherwise, you might find other things you can do to occupy yourself while he eats. Go to another room, or maybe watch some you tube or a tv show- bonus points for doing something active like going for a walk or doing a mini workout. This seems to be the time of evening that I am cleaning the kitchen, so it works out.
  • mbaker566
    mbaker566 Posts: 11,233 Member
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    be responsible for your weight loss and don't worry about what he is or is not doing. your bf is doing the work he needs to do by being active already. that's why he gets to be a trash panda. on weekends, i'm often a trash panda to match the need of calories i am supposed to eat.

    my husband and i ate the same thing while i was at the height of my weight loss. i ate less. or maybe more of one thing and less of another. we ate cake and ice cream, fries and pizza. i just ate less
  • moonangel12
    moonangel12 Posts: 971 Member
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    Thankfully my husband gets it and is super supportive of me - he’s my biggest cheerleader! We call it my body budget, and it has really opened his eyes to foods. We are a label reading family due to allergies and awful sensitivities, but that was always ingredients, not calories. My daughters (8&10) made me breakfast in bed the other morning and on the tray was an index card with everything listed and weighed out (and the disclaimer that they had no idea how many calories it was, but they hoped not too many. The running joke is how much heavier my breakfasts are on the weekends if hubby is fixing them) :D He joked one day that I gave him my budget portion for lunch, evidently not quite enough for him - whoops!

    With my changes doesn’t necessarily mean the same changes for the whole family though. I have to exercise my willpower for those evening treats, or find alternatives that don’t pack as big of a punch. I also have been chewing a LOT of gum! Sometimes I just want something sweet to chew and that is enough for me.

    It is hard to be surrounded by people that can eat what they want when they want it, but I just have to remind myself of my goal...
  • Duck_Puddle
    Duck_Puddle Posts: 3,224 Member
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    My BF is tall and relatively thin and doesn’t concern himself with diet. He works a very active job and spends much of the summer dining on pints of Ben & Jerry’s after a meal of pizza and snack of Reese’s peanut butter cups.

    My son is 6’4” and weighs 145 pounds. I remember one day he was making himself a snack of 6 peanut butter and butter sandwiches (bleh-and 6? As a snack?) while I weighed the lettuce for my salad. I almost stabbed him with my salad fork.

    Not really.

    They are both tall, and very active. I am short and work a desk job at home. They can (and do) eat substantially more than I can to maintain their weight.

    Luckily-what they eat has no impact on me. I know what my calories need to be and I focus on making that happen.

    I have learned that getting upset about other people’s calorie allowances (as compared to mine) is a little like getting upset that my bank account isn’t the same as Bill Gates’. It really doesn’t matter what someone else has-I have to work with what I have.

    He can eat what he can eat without having to involve you. But if sharing these kinds of foods has been a big part of how you have spent time together, then expect it to be a bit of a learning curve as that’s part of how he interacts with you and shares life with you.

    Mfp is always here if you need a space to share thoughts and ideas with people who do get it.
  • puffbrat
    puffbrat Posts: 2,806 Member
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    My husband is significantly more active than me and has to eat a lot more just to maintain his weight. Things I do: eat smaller servings of the same things, choose lower calorie options at restaurants and bring leftovers home rather than eating it all in one sitting, and sometimes just saying no. I also cook a lot of the dinners so I can log all the recipes and calculate the calories. If we choose one really high calorie meal for the week, I may request that we choose a lower calorie meal for the other option. Thankfully my husband is hugely supportive, but you should also keep in mind that regardless of your weight or whether or not you are trying to lose weight, you always have the right to say no to food. Your boyfriend can get it or not, but you are two separate individuals who are allowed to eat differently.
  • TatdBirdNerd
    TatdBirdNerd Posts: 10 Member
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    If I really am lusting after it, I'll ask for just 1 bite. That usually resolves the craving for me. I get to taste the thing I want, but don't have to commit to the full snack

    Oh man, this is pure GOLD! Love this idea.