Feeling a bit discouraged...

tartanshep
tartanshep Posts: 13 Member
in Getting Started
I have been trying to lose weight for a while. I’m 5’9 and when I was at uni I was between 120lb and 140lb, until third year. In third year I started on antipsychotic medication (for bipolar) and the contraceptive pill, and gained weight up to 170lb.

I’ll admit my body image and attitude to food can be a bit wonky.

I would like to be 150lb or so, and over the past three years (since leaving uni) I have tried very, very hard. I eat 1500-1700 calories a day because I am tall and am quite active. I walk 45 minutes to work each way (so, twice a day) and go to the gym three or four times a week.

The only time I was successful in losing weight was when I was off the contraceptive pill temporarily, when my boyfriend was away. I lost over a stone and when he came back I was around 150lb (over three months, I lost 15-20lb). I did not eat anything differently, and probably drank more alcohol. I put it all back on when I started taking the pill again. I am trying to sort an alternative contraception but it is hard for now.

I hate how I look. I hate how much more my joints hurt at this weight, I hate how half my skirts are too big… My mum points out stretch marks. I weigh similarly to what she does now, which is horrible because my whole life she has been trying to lose weight (she used to be maybe 180lb at my height?). I do think that I have a fairly large frame size even taking my height into consideration – I have big hands and feet, I often find stuff in my size is tight across the shoulders but not breasts/stomach, etc.

I have lost 10lb in three months. My highest weight was 175lb, and today I was exactly 165lb. So this is good obviously and it has been HARD. But I can’t help be a bit upset. I used to be able to lose 10lb in six weeks or so.

I don’t know what to do. I hate looking in the mirror.

I cannot access therapy because the NHS does not do cognitive behavioural therapy if you have bipolar disorder. I was never diagnosed with an eating disorder, but I was obsessive and secretive and underweight for a while.

:(
I think maybe I am lying to myself and my frame is not big. Doctor has told me to get down to 140lb. At that point, my ribs and hips stuck out to the point of being asked if I was ill, and I fainted a lot.

Bit lost, really.

Replies

  • ElizabethKalmbach
    ElizabethKalmbach Posts: 1,415 Member
    Depending on the antipsychotic they've prescribed, are they checking your thyroid regularly? My sister is also on medications for bipolar disorder, and some of the meds seem to increase unfavorable thyroid behaviors, so they check her thyroid every 6 months to make sure she's still got normal responsiveness.

    What the previous poster mentioned is solid advice and I'd start there. Consistency and persistence will be your path to success - both with your medication timing, and with your food logging and exercise. You don't have to solve this problem over night. Just be mindful every day and make as good choices as you can manage every day. And then *do that again tomorrow.*

    There is *always* a light at the end of the tunnel, even if you can't see it yet, because it's just around the bend. The things you're doing are WORKING. You've already lost 10 lbs! It's not even good for you to lose the rest quickly, so just keep going! Keep doing what you're doing and know that EVERYONE ELSE HERE with long term success is taking a long time beside you.
  • lynn_glenmont
    lynn_glenmont Posts: 10,097 Member
    Since you are not even overweight (BMI of 24.4 at current weight of 165 lbs) (and were only just barely overweight at the highest weight you mention), it might be a good idea to see a doctor about the painful joints that you are attributing to weight.

    I know people are different, but it seems likely there could be a different cause you might want to know about, in case it can be treated. Not to say that less weight on your joints might not alleviate some of the pain, even if the weight isn't the cause. Also, are we only talking about lower body joints (hips, knees, ankles)? Because it seems especially unlikely that being at the highest end of normal weight range/barely overweight would be directly causing pain in upper body joints.
  • Luke_rabbit
    Luke_rabbit Posts: 1,031 Member
    This might be totally not your issue, but I had lots of joint and muscle pain which turned out to be low vitamin D. I learned this from a blood test my doctor did. I was walking outside nearly every day, so it really surprised me that D was low. A few months after starting the vitamin D supplements, I felt significantly better. That might be worth having checked.

    All the above advice is excellent. Be patient and keep logging everything. Hugs.

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