Grief and PTSD Eating

TexasTallchick · January 2020

I don’t know if anyone here has experienced what I e been going through for the last 2.5 years, but I’ve embarrassingly gained about 50lbs+.

I lost my 44yo husband unexpectedly in July of 2017 and my world has just been upended. EVERYTHING in my life changed that day and I’m not one who likes change. I also have terrible memory problems due to PTSD from the sudden loss.

While being completely devastated, I’ve adjusted as well as I could: I sold our home and moved closer to my sister. Also, I couldn’t live in our home by myself. The point of this list is I have gained almost 50lbs since he died. Yes, 50!!!!! Of course none of my clothes fit and my feet hurt when I walk and I struggle to just get up from the dang couch. I know I’m eating my grief, but I don’t know how to stop. Any advice is appreciated. Thank you.

tiptoethruthetulips · January 2020

Have you had any counselling? It may be something you would benefit from for the grief and PTSD.

robertw486 · January 2020

Grief in any form can be hard, but when it combines with PTSD it ramps up the intensities. But every case is different as well, and how we cope with things as we work through it can vary quite a lot. My highest weight was at the end of some major PTSD issues, and as I found my way through recovery taking care of myself better was one of the major priorities. In my case I had time away from work, and I found that being out on my bike gave me time to clear my head, removed me from much human contact which was a positive due to the anxiety, and also helped me get in better physical shape. Maybe you can find something similar that lets you find your thoughts as you work through things.

Sometimes it's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel when you feel like you have just entered it. Keep moving forward at a pace you can handle, and try the various resources that professionals offer. And no joke, there's an app for that, at least within the military community healthcare. Stay grounded, remind yourself that you are safe and not in danger, and do the best you can day to day.

For me personally, I found that groups helped a lot, as being around people with similar battles gave a sense of community among those that understood PTSD better. But I did some other outpatient counseling and sessions of various types as well. One of the harder aspects was speaking of the trauma, but at some point it is usually part of recovery. At one point I did what they term an "empty chair" exercise, where you sit across from an empty chair and speak to the person you lost. It was probably one of the more difficult things I've ever done, but it was very healing when it was over. Speaking your thoughts about the person out loud in front of other people just validates that severe grief is a real thing, and that we as humans can struggle with it.

Give it time and find your path. Unless your weight reaches a point of immediate or long term health concerns, I'd personally just focus on the PTSD and grief recovery. Getting back in control of your health and weight should come along with it at some point, but until then it's probably just a form of coping.

And if you (or anyone else) is really struggling with PTSD reach out. I've been there, I don't want to go back, and I'll do whatever I can to help.

ladyzherra · January 2020

Hi, and thanks for sharing. Gaining weight and otherwise feeling like your world is upside down when tragedy strikes, is OK. Giving yourself some compassion is important, regardless of how much weight you've gained, how things have shifted, etc. Recovering is work and takes time. It also goes better for most people, myself included, when they engage support. Light workers, therapists, yoga and meditation, acupuncture, support groups, books, and so much more offer help, and seeking help out is an act of STRENGTH despite what most of us have been taught to believe. There is no need to struggle through pain alone. You are not alone.

tinkerbellang83 · January 2020

There is nothing embarrassing about gaining weight after dealing with what you have - you've lost your husband unexpectedly and then also had to deal with the stress of moving house. We each cope with loss/trauma in our own way. Seeking some professional help would be a good starting point, your mental health should be the priority first and managing that will help you down the line to be able to deal with the weight because you'll find new coping methods, instead of turning to food. Once you have that down, you can focus on the rest.

kms375 · January 2020

I’m the same way and honestly it got worse for a while after I started treatment for it. But it gets better and for the most part now I’m doing way better. I still tend to eat my emotions but I try to eat healthier food now. Usually veggies or air popped popcorn

TexasTallchick · January 2020

Thank you for all the helpful responses. I’m embarrassed that it will be 3 years and I’m still stuck.

I have complicated grief as well as depression and anxiety and am on about 6 prescriptions for my issues. The 2nd worst aspect of all of this is I have terrible short-term memory issues. If you tell me your name or some other piece of info, it’s immediately gone. It’s called ‘widow brain’ and is basically PTSD.

I do not currently have any friends where I live and I cannot get a job due to my PTSD, but my sister is pushing me to take a job cleaning hotel rooms or bagging groceries (I have a college degree)...just something for which you don’t need short term memory, but I still think there will be issues.

Anyway, if you’re still reading, thank you. I’ve gained about 45lbs in the past year. I’m eating my grief for sure. Food is the only thing in my life I look forward to and enjoy.

Any kind of advice to ‘unstick’ myself would be greatly appreciated.

corinasue1143 · January 2020

1. Start.
I mean that. Just take one positive step. You already have. You’ve come here.
2. Take a walk?
Or go to the grocery store and buy some healthy food?
Or look up recipes for healthy low calorie recipes for one and make a grocery list.
Just a small positive step each and every day.

salleewins · January 2020

Yes I lost my son aged 22. He crashed with a car, while he was on his motorcyle. I saw him just the day before. My counselor thinks I probably have PTSD. It is going to be 5 years. I had to be on a waiting list for the counselor I am seeing. I attended the group at one of the churches for Griefshare. That did help. Holidays, even my own birthday, are rough days.

tinkerbellang83 · January 2020

mgobluetx wrote: »

Thank you for all the helpful responses. I’m embarrassed that it will be 3 years and I’m still stuck.

I have complicated grief as well as depression and anxiety and am on about 6 prescriptions for my issues. The 2nd worst aspect of all of this is I have terrible short-term memory issues. If you tell me your name or some other piece of info, it’s immediately gone. It’s called ‘widow brain’ and is basically PTSD.

I do not currently have any friends where I live and I cannot get a job due to my PTSD, but my sister is pushing me to take a job cleaning hotel rooms or bagging groceries (I have a college degree)...just something for which you don’t need short term memory, but I still think there will be issues.

Anyway, if you’re still reading, thank you. I’ve gained about 45lbs in the past year. I’m eating my grief for sure. Food is the only thing in my life I look forward to and enjoy.

Any kind of advice to ‘unstick’ myself would be greatly appreciated.

Have you thought about volunteering somewhere? A charity shop, an animal welfare charity or something, might help you socialise a bit and feel a little more productive. Are there any support groups in your area?

polvo71 · January 2020

Right there with you. But for me it was my 3 year old daughter in a tragic accident. It has been 10 years now. PTSD yes. My coping mechanisms have not been healthy. The people around me think I’m doing great, everything is good. My family is thriving. But insides, I’m wrecked with anxiety and fear for my 3 living children who are 15, 10 and 6. It has been a long journey but I think I am finally at a point where I’ve got to control of my choices and find healthier ways of coping. I’ve gained 50 pounds in the last 14 years, most of it coming after my daughters death. The grief and pain have softened but the PSTD is still there, it’s always there waiting for a trigger.

beanfacekilla · January 2020

I'm sorry for your loss.

Maybe this will seem silly, but I watch (some) movies to sometimes get motivated to do things.

Here is a short list. Overcoming adversity.

Rocky Balboa
The legend of Bagger Vance
The secret

They are just movies, I know. But hearing Rocky say "it ain't how hard you can hit. It's how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward" really helps me, and I have had emotional problems my entire life. I can relate to you. I am bipolar, have extreme anxiety, soul crushing depression sometimes, and I suffer from PTSD from some things I don't really care to discuss TBH.

Watch one of those movies. Get up. Put one foot in front of the other, walk. Go somewhere. Get a gym membership, and get on a treadmill or elliptical and just keep moving. Slow and steady. Bring your phone and watch Netflix, or youtube while you walk. Wear headphones. Find uplifting stuff to watch. Funny. Humorous. Watch whatever makes you laugh.

It's proven that working out makes you feel better. Endorphins.

You've already started by coming here. You can do it! You can move on with your life, and it's ok to do that!

Grief and PTSD Eating

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